A
female
age
36-40,
*acificbeach
writes:This will be long so please bear with me. I am very confused about this situation and I just want to see the 360 without people being biased. I have had a crush on this guy for close to 10 months. He is older than me and graduated from the same school I am attending. At first I tried to hang out with him and get to know him. He was busy with classes and I don't blame him. But graduation came along. We'd hung out a couple times and he'd promised we'd do some stuff over the summer. We hung out a couple times but hardly ever talked or anything like that. Then school started again. We didn't speak for 4 months. I let it go. I knew that 1. he was busy and 2. he just didn't want me around. Especially after being told by a mutual friend that he had planned to tell me that all we could be was friends. I left him alone. But 4 months later we had friends come down and visit. They wanted to see everyone and he was invited over. I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect. When he arrived I didn't know what to do, and I ignored him. Another friend of ours was there and I purposely extra-flirted with him. He flirted back. I think he knew that I like the guy cause he tried to keep me away at some point. Anyway, at some point I he came up to where I was. I was leaning against the counter and he placed his hand close to mine so I moved it quickly. He then asked me a question that I don't think I'll ever forget. I couldn't believe he had asked that question. It was the last question he asked. But after that our conversation started. Later his buddies decided to leave I immediately turned to him to ask him if he was going to leave too and he said no. My heart jumped to the MOON!!! He stayed and he sat in the chair next to the couch. Some friends went to get a movie but two of my friends stayed, he stayed and I did too. We talked the whole time. Eventually when they came back with the movie I went to sit on the couch where the guy I had been flirting with was laying on. I tried moving him and I playfully picked his head up. He moved and made room for me but said he'd take the side which was closer to my crush we fought over it but I won. Throughout the movie he kept flirting. Eventually, the guy I like said he was getting sleepy and left. I couldn't even get up to say goodbye.I felt horrible! I didn't want him to think I like that kid. So the next day I texted him and told him he owned me a night out. He said that's true I do and I told him I would hold him to it and he said ok good. This response to this day still haunts me. What does it mean that he wants me to remind him of everything he's said he wants to do? Anywho, my best friend her bf and me and my crush hung out. We had an amazing time! I'd never had so much fun, and I also realized despite it all; I still like him. The next day we hung out again. He followed me where ever I went and would ask me if I needed help getting down or up places. We also decided to go to this place were it was said to be haunted. I was scared the whole time. He kept reassuring me that I was safe and that he was behind me. Oh and fyi, the guy I had been flirting with the night before was there too. Well on our way back my best friend wouldn't hold my hand. So i turned and asked the two boys who'd hold my hand they both walked away. I turned to tell my friend that they wouldn't hold my hand. Then I felt someone grab my hand it was my crush. Then out of the blue the other guy grabbed my hand. When we had walked a few feet they both let my hands go. I turned to my friend again. Then I felt someone grab my hand again. It was him again. We walked together the path was only big enough for two people. But he then let go of my hand. My friend was way behind and he kept walking. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know the way back, so I ran to him and I grabbed his hand. and then he said ok and didn't let go after that. I still think he did that on purpose but why? Eventually the other showed up again and decided to grab my hand again but he kept tripping me and the more I tripped the tighter my crushes grip got. He didn't want me to fall. I let the other guy go. He helped me all the way back holding on to me when I nearly fell. I will say our hands got really sweaty. He was really hot(temperature wise). We kept hanging out. It was fun. Halloween came around. A friend had a party. We were both there. It was dumb and I was upset that my crush kept suggesting things and his friend kept turning them down, so my best friend and I left. After that I didn't see him for nearly two weeks. Things got busy at school and life happened. After spending ours in the library doing homework I get a text from him. I was so taken back. I even asked him if he needed something but he didn't respond so I told him I was trying to be mean. and he replied saying it was ok and that he just wanted to know what I was up to because he hadn't heard from me in a while. I CAN"T BELIEVE HE SAID THAT. The next day we hung out. I had suggested we'd go get coffee or something. He insisted on picking me up and driving. I don't know why!! He went to a place I was going to pay for myself but he took my card and paid himself I was a bit upset at him. I'm just not use to people doing that. No one has ever done that to me. We walked and talked. He ended up taking me to his favorite place it was late at night and it was absolutely beautiful. He offered his gloves but I said no. It wasn't cold but I kept my hands in my pockets...my mother says he was trying to hold my hand...I don't really think so. We walked for awhile and just talked. He asked if it scared me and I said no and explained why the last time I was scared so he then suggested a scarier route...which I declined. I thought that night was special and unforgettable. We didn't speak that whole week. But according to my close friend it was a date. Ummm, i don't think it was considering it was I who suggested it. The word date hadn't even crossed my mind...but if it was...then... it was my first date ever. That next weekend I received a text from him again. We hung out the next at his place. My best friend her bf and I. We watched movies and stuff. We ended up watching some scary movies. We were sitting next to each other. I tried to make up for being stupid and keeping my hands in my pockets the last time so I raised it a bit. I acted scared. I kept jumping him. He kept reassuring me it was ok. But he was smiling the whole time. One time I jumped him and I landed exactly between his neck and head. He leaned his head against mine and moved his body towards me. My friend noted that he kept placing his arm around me but kept pulling it back. I enjoyed it. I really didn't care about the movie. lol At some point one of his roommates came in I really didn't think much then the other came in a few hours later also. When the movie was over i turned to look at him and I don't know if it was because he was tired or it was me imagining things but his eyes seemed to sparkle. Before I left he apologized for making me watch the movie and all i said was payback. ANd I reached over and gave him a side hug. I didn't know whether to go for a full hug or not...but he nearly knocked my lung out. Later that week I was told that his roommate had seen his arm around and told the other roommate who then confronted him and asked him about me. I don't know what happened. Another week started to go by. So i texted him. He was short and I let it go. I tried to make sure he had somewhere to go for thanksgiving and invited him to come with me. He said he'd let me know but never did, so I texted him back. He'd made other plans. He thanked me for the invite but I never replied. We haven't spoken since. I just don't understand why the sudden change. Why does he care now? Or does he care? I know we talked about the whole relationship thing and both agreed we weren't looking for anything but if something happened then we'd see where it went, but he will be leaving soon also. Is he just being nice to me? Trying to not hurt my feelings by playing along until he has to leave? I really don't know what to do anymore. Should I text him or wait till he texts me.
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best friend, crush, flirt, roommate, spark, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Pacificbeach +, writes (30 April 2011):
Pacificbeach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, We haven't spoken since November and I think I am finally over him!! Thanks for all your thoughts!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): I heard a good saying regarding this sort of thing - 'if he's interested in you you'll know, if you are confused he's not'. I was once in your situation. Take a tip from me and spare yourself too much time agonising about him. I really feel for you as you are obviously mad about him. I think he knows that and likes to string you along.
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A
female
reader, Pacificbeach +, writes (30 November 2010):
Pacificbeach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSageoldguy,
I do understand what you are saying. I did stop "pursuing him". But I got caught up again. I only get 2 more weeks with him and after that I probably wont see him again. It does seem like there isn't anything in it for me, but I'm in business. What's life without a risk. Maybe I'm being stupid. It probably would be wise of me to just stop. I will consider what you have said and will try to make the best decisions with it. Thank you for your time and words. :)
mr.chrissteves,
Let me put it this way. I've never had a boyfriend, so I really don't know what to say, do, act, etc. I try to keep my text to a minimum. Occasionally texting to see if he is free. Today though I called him. We talked and I asked him to come to an event with me; he said yes. So we'll see how things go. I'll try in keeping it cool and not act too kiddy. I'll keep you posted on how things go. Thank you for your time and words. :)
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A
female
reader, Pacificbeach +, writes (30 November 2010):
Pacificbeach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey FloridaCatgirl,
I don't know what was said between his roommates and him. He already graduated but he does work a lot, and yes he will be leaving soon. He is really considering going back home. He might not come back after the holidays. I actually spoke to him today on the phone. Asked him if he wanted to go to an event with me; he said yes. He misses his family, so I might not see him again. I wont stop him.
I do agree with what you said about being my last chance. I don't want to look back and say "what if". I'll see what happens with us hanging out. We technically have 2 weeks left "together".
I will definitely keep you posted and how things turn out. :) Thank you for your words!!
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (30 November 2010):
 This guy's words contradict his actions. I sense that he is interested in you. I do find his last few texts concerning... since he wasn't responding in a reasonable manner or time. After your last night together, you said his roommates confronted him about his feelings for you... do you know what was said? I'm only asking because that is when his behavior shifted a bit. This could be due to his course load. From my experience... the week before Thanksgiving is when things get stressful at school... final tests, assignments due, and this is followed by final exams.
You said this guy "will be leaving soon also." Does this mean he will not be coming back ever... or that he won't be back until after the holidays? If this is your last chance... you contact him and make some plans to go out together. What do you have to lose? I highly suggest you do something that only involves the two of you... rather then a group date. When you are out with him, if you really want to know what he's thinking... ask him!
I hope you will let us know what happens. Good luck!
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