A
female
age
36-40,
*higirl
writes:I have a friend who recently got back from studying 6 months abroad. There he met a girl who now says she's in a relationship with him, and as I have them both on facebook I see all the cutesy things they write each other. My friend seems really in love with her and all, from what he writes her. BUT, after he came home I asked him if he met someone, because I had seen her picture a lot.. He denied it. Said she was just a nice girl that he met. He later also claims to be single, if anyone asks he's single, and he's told me he doesn't want a relationship. I had to ask him what he is doing with this girl then, if he's not in a relationship with her? Because clearly she thinks they are in a relationship, but he says he has told her how it is and that she knows! He told me he cares about her... but that was pretty much it, she's a nice girl, but thats all.She's about to travel half the globe to meet him again in a few months time. I have my suspicions my friend isn't being 100% for real with her, and if she actually DOES come to visit I'd be concerned for her. What do you think? Something just doesn't sound right about this to me, but I can't understand why he is so relaxed about fooling this girl to spend her money to travel to him when he doesn't want a relationship... Naturally she'd sleep in his bed the whole stay!
View related questions:
facebook, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 December 2010):
chigirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks lauren :) And thanks to you other guys for taking the time to tell me what you think!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Hi
That is so kind that even though the guy is your friend you recognise he is being a bit odd and you are looking out for the girls feelings. I am exactly the same and care about other people, even if I don't know them too well!
I think it would be kind to get to know her a bit better just in case he does upset her while she is here. At least she can go home knowing she made new friends regardless and had a good time. I wouldn't mention to her what you are thinking about him as that would be interfering too much but just being on the sidelines is kind and really the most you can do!
x
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 December 2010):
chigirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm, no hidden intentions just to make that clear. He's a rather self centered person to be honest and Im not into that. I wasn't thinking of butting in, but I just didn't think this sounded so smart... I don't get why people would play around like that. But what you said Cindy makes sense, perhaps it is an inside joke thingy, or she's just playing along to get a free vacation.
I was actually wondering if I should befriend her more or just leave it as an acquaintance, thinking if I do befriend her she'll at least have one more person she knows in the case that she does visit, and does get heartbroken...
And yeah, Im weird like that, I care way too much about others and even people I don't know, as in wanting to make sure they're ok.
...............................
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 is there a possibility that you are into him? because why do you feel so concerned for the well being of someone you don't know(this girl)-maybe you have a hidden interest.
the reason he is relaxed is because he probably lets her think he is in a relationship with her, and enjoys it when he can but plays the field. does it matter if she stays in his bed?
how does it make YOU feel?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This does not concern you and therefore is none of your business. Let other people live thier lives and learn from their own mistakes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): i have the same problem, i'm with someone who lives 14 hours flight time from me. i think u should send the girl an anonymous text! u can't lose ur friend too.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Chigirl,you are such a smart girl, you know better :)
It's good that you have a sense of justice and when you sense something wrong you want to make it right, but I feel
here you'd better tread lightly. After all, there are too many things you don't know for sure.
Maybe your friend is protective of his feelings and does not want to talk about them until the relationship is more official. Maybe the romantic stuff is a sort of code or inside joke among them and they don't really mean it. Maybe the girl is not so really in love with him either - or in fact she is so madly in love that she wants to come over anyway , requited or not. Don't assume your friend told you exactly everything that's passing within them.
Besides, let's say your friend has decided to be a skank - he is an adult , he knows what he wants to do, he surely would not appreciate you acting as a tutor or guardian angel. You would see you as interfering and you would loose his friendship. I am not even sure if the girl would appreciate being forewarned, people like to make their own mistakes- and they 'll probably end with shooting the messenger ( you ).
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 "facebook" is an evil thing!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Well what can you do? If you contact her and tell her that he's pretty much just playing her, you'll most likely lose your friend. How old is she?
...............................
|
