A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:At my workplace, there is a handsome man but he is married. He is of the cheating type. He is a player. At one moment he would be attracted to a particular woman and then when he sees another more appealing woman, he will be attracted to this woman. If yet another beautiful woman is around, he will be attracted to this one too. How can a man be attracted to so many women at the same time? Does he want to fuck them all? I am not interested in him. In fact to be honest, i am getting his attention too but dont want to get involved with a married man. I just find it strange. This will never end as there will never be lack of beautiful women
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 OP I have been a 48DDD...and I can and will say things about large breasted women who are not properly covered up in the work place.. .maybe not to their face but I will think it.
CLEAVAGE does not belong in the work place unless you are on the pole or the street corner. Women with large breasts have to work harder to cover that cleavage but that's what camis were invented for... NOT as outer wear.
if you think for one second that my statement is indicative of my lack of self-esteem and my need to put down large breasted women you are off target.
I am very confident.
I am also a very mature sexy desirable middle aged classy women.. and yes I can go the "hootchie mamma" look when out with my hubby if he wants... but at work I tend to cover up... even when I was a 34B I covered up.. now as a 38D it's even more important....
if you need to put down someone for making comments about something that insults you personally, then I wonder who the insecure person really is...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for your answers. Of course i cannot catch him sleeping with another woman if that is the proof i need to have to say he cheats on his wife. In fact he did ask me to have sex with him because he feels that there is romething between us. To be honest i feel attracted to him also but never told him. He sensed it somehow maybe in my behaviour. I told him that i am not looking for this. As for the other woman who is supposed to be secure, a terson can speak a lot, but your words and actions have to live up to your words. If she is openly saying bad things on big breasts of other women, revealing clothes and all this, it only shows that she is not secure. A secure woman dont have to degrade the body of other women to feel confident.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2014):
"If a woman he is attracted to approahes him., he would go and have sex with her for his pleasure."
so you know for a fact he is having sex with women he is not married to..... because you still have not indicated that you have proof of this. you say "he would go" not "he has gone"
seems to me it's just a feeling you have. And you assume he would have followed through with it if you had permitted but again you have no proof.
So you want to understand the nature of men but not all men can be lumped into one mold....
and you want to understand secure women but not all women can be lumped that way either.
what drives you to understand this... is there something about yourself that you are trying to work through and figure out?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. He is a middle aged man, 43. I said that he is of the cheating type not because he flirts. I know that men are visual and like to look at females. If a woman he is attracted to approahes him., he would go and have sex with her for his pleasure. I know because he tried to do this with me. He made me feel special. I must say he influenced me but in the end i kept my distance as nothing good can come out of it. I was just curious to understand this nature of men.
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A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (30 June 2014):
 I don't understand your problem.Men look, they flirt as do women.It doesn't mean they are going to act on it. At work i am really friendly to everyone some might say it is flirting but what's wrong with that? As long as lines aren't crossed? I notice men checking me out, or looking at my chest but don't mean they want me personally they just like women as men are visual, but they don't touch and go home to their wives at the end of the day. It is human nature.
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A
female
reader, OuttaTime88 +, writes (30 June 2014):
 This is not uncommon. Men will be attracted to a lot of different women in their lives, sometimes at the same time. Could it be you are mistaking his flirting as being interested in these women? Some people are natural flirts, and it doesn't mean they would cheat. Plenty of men can be in a relationship or married, and find many other women attractive without wanting to pursue them.
If he does cheat, then he has no self control. He's ruled by what's in his pants instead of his head. He's fooled by the grass looking greener on the other side.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 June 2014):
 I'm with SVC, (good call by the way) just why are you going after this man and that woman? What's your agenda?
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A
female
reader, maisy1  +, writes (30 June 2014):
Honey you should not worry what this guy is, does or thinks. SVC is right, he may just be a natural flirt rather than a player and a cheat. Do you know for certain he is actually following through with his flirtations? As long as you keep a professional distance who cares?
Marks right also - most work places have a man, or men, of middle aged chasing young women. Some just do it for a bit of harmless flirting, others for ego stoking and showing off. Some do it because they have the looks and charm to do so, others through the delusion that a young, attractive girl with be flattered to have a man old enough to their dads trying it on.
As a youngish woman myself is get hit on all the time by men aged 40-65. I don't want that attention but it doesn't stop men trying. At work I get it. Some harmless, some seedy, some grounds for serious complaint. Male managers know that SOME young women will be turned on by their power, perceived or otherwise.
If his advances and flirtations are bothering you report him to another manager, HR or his manager. Other than that, don't think too much into it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 June 2014):
didn't you also ask about the woman who thinks she can have all the men she wants?
what is it about human nature you are trying to figure out?
you say he is a player.
you say he is "of the cheating type"
so you know FOR A FACT he is having affairs or are you assuming?
so you ask what do I think of him? I don't care much to be honest. He's not my spouse so he's not my problem.
I'm married. I flirt with all the guys. I flirt with girls. I flirt with strangers too.
I tease them and enjoy the flirtation and attention. I am NOT a player or a cheater and yet I'm betting you would deem me such because I'm outgoing and friendly and flirtatious to a fault.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (30 June 2014):
 Hello,
Its extremely common. In most of the workplaces I have been employed over the last 20 years there has been guys like that - Married, kids, middle aged chasing any bit of skirt he can.
SOME men, when they get to middle age and have a wife, children, responsibilities and so on, suddenly feel the need to act like they are young, free and single again. Possibly because its hard for them to accept that they are no longer the carefree young guy they once were. They seek out younger women to boost their ego, show others they can still pull a good looking younger woman and to make themselves feel better about getting older.
In my previous office we had an office manager who was a former footballer, a good looking guy and was married with two young children. He was moved by senior management to our office as he had slept with half the young girls in the main office, so it was felt that moving him to our office might help. It didn't. He soon tried it on, usually successfully, with every young woman in the office! He even tried it on with my then GF too.
The strange thing in these situations is A: how willing their wives are to put up with it and B: how willing good looking, sensible, intelligent young women are to fall for them.
In the case of this individual, and I don't think this is untypical, his wife stayed with him partly due to the kids and partly because she didn't want to loose him to a much younger woman. I think she felt compelled to try to make the marriage work and stick with him through each affair as she didn't want the added slap in the face of loosing him completely to someone half her age who was more attractive.
The young ladies were impressed that a manager, and former footballer, was flirting with them and it made them feel special. Don't forget that a lot of the younger women were inexperienced at work, in low paid positions and used to struggling to be taken seriously and being often treated like a kid. When a good lucking, older manager comes along and makes them feel respected, mature and so on its very flattering. That was his secret.
Even those who knew of his reputation would willingly join the long line of notches on his bedpost as they all thought they were the one that would change him, polish the rough diamond, tame the beast. He had a way of making young women feel the whole world revolved around them so of course they felt that this was true love and "different" to all the over quick affairs. It never was though.
Men like that can get away with it because they use their position in the company to their best advantage. Much easier to move on a young, inexperienced office junior than the manager who is using her as a hole. Men like that have influence and power, very attractive to many women, and can use that to woo impressionable people. Its all for ego and to cling to their youth usually.
I have a friend who is a little older than me. Since turning 40 this normally sensible, mature, settled guy has become very different. Cheating on his wife, buying himself a powerful motorbike that he cant afford, going out clubbing, playing drinking games....its as though he hit 40 and suddenly wants to kid himself he is still 19.
Glad im not like that in any way and never will be! Anyway, what you doing tonight darling? Wanna see my new sports car?
Mark
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