A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This guy and a girl date for a year. it's not an easy relationship. They fight a lot but somehow make it work.One day he cheats on her, she finds out and they break up for 9 months. She wants him back so they get back together. Right around that time, he meets another girl. They become friends and he realizes how much he likes spending time with her. They go out for drinks a lot and talk a few times a week.In the meantime, him and his girlfriend move in together and he stays friends with the other girl.Eventually, things get hard between him and his girlfriend and he moves out but they don't break up.He starts sleeping with the other girl and now is torn between the two women.How would you describe this guy? What do you guys and girls think of him?
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (14 April 2016):
 How would I describe him: Cheater
what do I think of him: Not much
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2016): I would think this guy is very selfish. He may also be afraid of being alone/single. He needs to be 'with' someone all the time, hence he lines up the girls one after another. He's not in love and doesn't know what true love is. He is merely looking for someone to keep him company and make him feel wanted and feel good.
Love is about loyalty to just one girl and sticking around during bad times to make things work. He is not loyal and runs once trouble arises.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (14 April 2016):
 It doesn't seem to me that this man is "torn" at all. I think he takes the easy way, when it gets a bit tough with one woman he will simply put her on the back burner and go to the other woman, and when the time comes he will go back to the first woman, knowing full well they both are willing to be treated like commodities to be used and discarded as he wishes.
You ask what we think of him, well, I don't think much at all, but then I don't think much of the women who are willing to be treated like this either.
If you are the woman currently on the back burner take advantage of this time to get your shit together and this man out of your life. This situation only exists because you, and the other woman, allow it too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2016): "How would you describe this guy?"
I'd describe him a guy who's having his cake and eating it too. He's not torn between two women, he's stringing two women along for as long as they're willing to let him, which at this time would appear to be indefinitely.
"What do you guys and girls think of him?"
I think he's as a scumbag and I think the girlfriend on whom he's cheated at least twice (of which she knows) is exceedingly dumb and/or desperate to be clinging to him like a barnacle to a rusty hull.
No man can disrespect a woman who respects herself.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 April 2016):
 I don't have a very high opinion of a man like this and I wouldn't want him in my life. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He's selfish and doesn't think that he is hurting 2 other people. WHY put up with it? Its one thing to not know your man is cheating, but its another thing to know it and allow it..waiting for him to find time for you. That means you don't think enough of yourself to want a man who wants YOU and YOU only. Think about it. You're cheating yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo A Reader, thank you for your response. Great analysis. You made excellent points in so many areas
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2016):
 I wouldn't want to be his "friend" nor his GF. He is keeping the "friend" on a string, just in case the GF doesn't work out, to rub his ego and and preventing her from seemingly move on. THAT isn't a friendship.
I don't think he is torn at all. I think he is VERY selfish. He is looking out for numbero uno! Himself. Having two girls that ADORES him is definitely a fantasy of his.
Do you seriously think he CARES for either girl's feelings?
And whether you are the GF or the "friend" why on EARTH would ANY smart woman wants to play second fiddle?
He sounds as exciting as having a root-canal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2016): Oops! Sorry, it's Anon. I did not realize you were a female. I thought you were the guy who was posting so I answered from his perspective. Hopefully it still gives you some insight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2016): I think that if you were in love with the first girl, it would have worked out already. And you would not be seeking out a second girl. Conversely, you could still be in love with the first girl but did not know how to make it work or find a way to work through your issues so you sought an escape in the second girl. You are prone to escape as you already cheated on her once. The second girl is new and exciting just like your first girl once was. No problems or baggage so clearly you are wowed by the newness in comparison in the second girl to the first girl with baggage. But just know that eventually the second girl and relationship will also have baggage, like the first girl. You are just in the newness phase. So, are you a grass is greener junkie? Looking for the temporary rush? Or fix? That lasts only so long. What happens when the second girl becomes old and you have problems with her? And you will. Are you going to bail and find yet another woman to self medicate and distract yourself with? It will become a vicious circle.You were trying to put aside a relationship in need of rescue and the bad feelings that resulted with a new fix. Something less heavy. Instead of addressing the issues, you found a new woman to make the pain and unresolved baggage from the first relationship go away. The second girl is a rebound. She is just new. No shared history. Not as much work. Perhaps a breath of fresh air? A temporary escape and distraction? Perhaps she is looking at you through the initial rose coloured glasses of the infatuation phase? Unlike your current girlfriend who knows you better now and has deeper feelings and more invested in your relationship? Don't mistake comfort with lack of love. Fighting with lack of love. All relationships go through this. Eventually the blush of new love fades in all relationships. You have to decide if you want to commit to the one you love. Through all the problems and baggage. Is there much more good to your relationship? Do you really love her? Can you see yourself spending your life with her? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of commitment to the first girl and are seeking distance by starting a relationship with a second girl? You have issues within yourself you need to force yourself to look at. You must resolve these first before dragging down two innocent women. You need to make a choice or let them both go while you work on who you are and what you want out of life.You are not broken up with the first girl. So technically you are cheating on her yet again. You are the one who has the problem. Have you ever talked to your girlfriend about these issues? Whatever you have been unhappy with? Given her a chance to resolve them with you? As a team? Your girl got together with you because clearly she still loves you and wanted to give you another chance. And believe me it takes a lot to trust a man again after he is unfaithful. She must truly love you. I suspect you and this girl have a high chemistry, low compatibility type of relationship. But I also think you are emotionally invested in her. The second one not so much. Perhaps you see more potential in the second to be free of the volatility you share with the first girl. But it is all a gamble. Isn't it? I think you are afraid to leave the first one because she is a proven commodity. She has stuck by you and you have invested yourself into the relationship, even if it has issues. The second has promise of better. But better is chasing a dream sometimes. Remember what you can throw away and stand to lose if you decide to go with the second. The second may not work out and you are not able to see that yet because she is new and on her best behaviour. Your first girl has proven herself to you. Even was willing to forgive an indiscretion. That is love. You cannot have both. It will be a double life which is going to weigh you down in every way. Very stressful to live with the lies and the guilt. You can let the first woman go and say it just did not work out and you have tried more than once to make it work. Or you can choose the second and it is possible she may not be the woman for you or who you thought she could be and risk losing the first woman who loves you. Then you will be all alone. I don't think you want to end up alone and with regrets.You are in wait and see mode. You are trying to play it safe. You don't want to lose either one permanently. But you cannot do that to either woman. It is mean and selfish and unfeeling. So, you are just sitting on the fence until some epiphany hits you. How long is that going to take? It is further confusing to you by having sex with both. You need to stop that and step away and assess the situation logically. Perhaps you just need a time out from both. And see who it is you think about most and who you miss the most. This might be your answer.Also remember if they find out, you are going to be tossed to the curb so fast your head will spin and then you will be alone for sure. Women are much smarter than men seem to think. We have instincts and gut feelings. Something is going to pop up. A lie you did not keep up to. The way you are acting. We pick up on it. And once our suspicions are aroused, you cannot stop us from finding out the truth. I guarantee you that. No woman likes to be cheated on. Now it is my guess that the first woman knows of all the signs to look for since you did it before. So just a matter of time before your house of cards comes crashing down. Better to straighten things out on your terms. That means making a choice and sticking to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2016): He has history of cheating, therefore I'm not impressed by this behaviour. It sounds as though he wants the security of a relationship but the thrill of having a bit on the side. He should really choose one girl or call it off with them both. I feel for the two ladies involved in here.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (13 April 2016):
REALLY??
He is living every man's fantasy...two women at once.
The guy is not the problem however...The foolish woman who knows all this, AND still sleeps with him, with the hope that someday he will be hers...she has the problem.
It's like planting a tomato plant and hoping one day it will give you oranges.
When things do not workout the way she plans, she then starts hating the man, because he played her...wrong...she played herself.
Does this woman not want a man for herself? A man who only wants her? A man who is not torn between her legs and his girlfriend he is LIVING with?
Question...Let's say she got this guy for herself, and she finds out he is sleeping with another woman, because he is torn. Would she be as understand as she is now?
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