A
female
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anonymous
writes:It seems like my relationship with my boyfriend is reaching its breaking point. We fight over the smallest of things especially when he sees me being insecure, while if it is the other way around I've found I actually talk to him about it and make him feel better. He is never willing to listen to my point of view. If I don't agree with him or his point of view of things (even if his facts are completely distorted), he refuses to listen to me at all. He tends to get physically pushy when he gets very, very angry. I'm scared of his anger and it really frustrates me when he's being stubborn and refusing to listen. We live together and sometimes he just walks out in the middle of a fight without talking about it and then becomes reeeeallyy sweet when he comes back home after hours and it's like a fight never happened. And God forbid I ever bring up the fight again because it just blows up once more and so we can never get around to talking about anything. When I mentioned how he and I never really talk about us, we just talk about our day or our night sometimes or other people and things like that, he said we have nothing to talk about. His sense of logic seems totally messed up, he misunderstands so many things I say and I try to explain to him what I meant but he just does not get it. He smokes up and slacks off where his studies are concerned. Everything is starting to depress me. He is 21, I am 25. He has at least another 2 and a half years to go before he graduates and I graduate next April. He has started telling me how he is suffering because my last boyfriend messed me up by cheating on me time and again. But when he is not angry, he is very, very nice to me. Is it time to call it quits?
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reader, DJ8433  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Call it quits if you don't want to deal with it, but if you love him and are willing to compromise and accept the way he is then stay. You're boyfriend is showing signs of a weak person. He seems like he has difficulty accepting criticism (a certain level is abnormal), which is sometimes a sign of low self esteem. Some adults that were emotionally and verbally abused as children react the way he is reacting. It could be a deeper problem, depression or anger issues. He is having trouble dealing with his emotions this is certain. If you care, I suggest you do some looking up on the internet to try to understand human emotions and how people deal with them or don't. Some information about depression might be beneficial as well. You cannot change him or control him, he has to want to change himself. Some people become willing to change when a loved one leaves them. If it hasn't gone too far, and you're not ready to give up, you will need to make him aware that it is affecting your relationship. Be knowledgable on the subject first, and be prepared to approach him. If you love him, tell him so, and that you want to be with him, but you can't live with his behavior. He will need some counseling to get to the heart of what is bothering him, because he probably doesn't understand what he is feeling emotionally or why. It sounds like he loves you, becasue he comes back to you feeling sorry, even if he can't say the words. It's gonna be tough, because he sounds like a tough person. If he seeks counselling, he will benefit in the end, and have a much more fulfilling life.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I'm absolutely sure it's about time to have a very direct and sincere conversation with him about the relationship. I'm also absolutely sure that, if he should refuse to have that conversation and, most importantly, act on it, it is time you call it quits.
I'm afraid that the only person who can truly feel and see what you feel and see is yourself. But, let me venture this. In my opinion, he doesn't misunderstand you, but he just doesn't care about what you say. When someone cares about you, s/he tries to listen to your point of view. This is just natural. Also, the changes in his behavior tell me he has some deep troubles with the relationship. Maybe he honestly wishes he could do more, but doesn't feel like it. I sense serious problems, which he is not willing to discuss.
I also think you need to consider that you'll be graduating in a few months. You'll need to decide what to do with yourself. I would find a good reason for you to stay in the same place you're now if you had a working relationship with him, but, as it is, I'm afraid this will not be so.
About his saying that he suffers from your "baggage", I suspect he is just trying to find fault with you.
Like I said, it's about time to talk to him, and then, if that's impossible, to leave him. This is a stale point.
Hope this helps.
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