A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok please help me out here...I have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. anyway i went to a club with him a few nights ago and met his ex for the first time. she was stunning, to say the least. even after just having a child(2 mnths ago wit him) she was really thin with big boobs and really long hair and perfect fetures.... me.. well.. my boobs are bigger but im also quite chubby. bigish nose and double chin, deffinitly felt extremely unattractive around her.... during the corse of the night my boyfriend was talking to her. it was loud so they did talk in each others ear etc, but they were really close for my liking and also i was being excluded for long periods of time.. made me feel a little jealous. I saw him keeping an eye on her during the night, and men tried to chat her up and he just insulted them. like her was being really protective of her. anyway im feeling very insecure because im not as pretty as her AT ALL and need some advice on how to overcome this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Hold on a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you've been seeing him 6 months and the ex has just had a baby for him. Lets do the maths. You started to see him when he had a girlfriend that was 5 months pregnant. Are you totally mad? It sounds as though you do not have any morals. I would have run a mile if I'd met a guy in that position. He sounds like he probally was as shocked as you when he saw how good she looked. She obviously was not that slim when he met you and now she probally looks better than she looked when he met her. He should have had more respect for you by making YOU the most important focal point of the evening but it seems he spent most of the nite chatting to her. If they had a baby together and he still sees the baby. That means that they are still communicating and maybe he knew that she was going out that night, and to that club. If he did know then it was wrong for him to take you to the same club that she was at, for obvious reasons!. I think you need to focus on yourself and your self esteem and that will not improved in this relationship as long as he is still in contact with his 'gorgeous' ex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Hold on a minute. you've been seeing him 6 months and the ex has just had a baby for him. Lets do the maths. You started to see him when he had a girlfriend that was 5 months pregnant. Are you totally mad? It sounds as though you do not have any morals. I would have run a mile if I'd met a guy in that position. He sounds like he probally was as shocked as you when he saw how good she looked. She obviously was not that slim when he met you and now she probally looks better than she looked when he met her. He should have had more respect for you by making YOU the most important focal point of the evening but it seems he spent most of the nite chatting to her. If they had a baby together and he still sees the baby. That means that they are still communicating and maybe he knew that she was going out that night, and to that club. If he did know then it was wrong for him to take you to the same club that she was at, for obvious reasons!. I think you need to focus on yourself and your self esteem and that will not improved in this relationship as long as he is still in contact with his 'gorgeous' ex.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Hi,the fact that he has chosen to be with you is proof enough that you have something that she doesn't.You may not be attractive but you are beautiful on the inside, you may have what she doesn't.Stop worrying about how you look because there are other qualities that attracts people to each other beside looks. Concentrate on making your relationship work. You should communicate with him and tell him that you don't think that his actions of that night were appropriate.I'm sure he would understand and would not do it again.
Good Luck,mail me if you wana talk
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A
female
reader, autumnshire  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Ugh! Ex-girlfriends annoy me. I know what it's like to feel insecure around them. But look, a really good point is that: she is his EX for - a - reason!!! There are reasons why she is his ex, and you are his girlfriend!!! Everyone is beautiful in their own way, you boyfriend will think and know that you are beautiful - it's just horrible feeling insecure around someone(s). She might intimidate you a little because of this?
How good is the communication in your relationship? I say, 'fess up and tell him that you've felt a little insecure around her. Don't be scared, don't be worried; remember that she is his ex for a reason, and that as your boyfriend you should be able to talk to him.
Also, on the side, try to find something that makes you really happy, and good about yourself (something extra, I mean, even if it's something little... like going for a walk with your favourite happy songs playing, or whatever!!!!!). For me that's things like going out with a couple of girl friends I am really comfortable around, getting all dressed up and feeling lovely as can be! I'm also an animal lover so I always feel good after I've been to work at our local zoo, or done some volunteer work with an animal shelter - I dunno, just something that suits you, makes you happy, and also helps you to realise that you have a place in this world!!
It's aweful when you feel insecure in yourself. Every few mornings wake up write down three qualities (different ones each time!) that you like about yourself, and three qualities you think *others* like about you. That can be a nice little booster, especially when you come up with things you hadn't really thought about before. And, if you and your boyfriend do talk about how you've been feeling a bit funny lately, maybe you could get him to do the same one morning - again, you might be surprised at what gets written down!!!
Also, I think maybe you'd benefit from a night out, just you and your bf... by night out I mean a date!!! Go out on a date!! If dates are your thing, that is.. It's important to keep that excitement there. Get him to pick you up at a set time and take you out somewhere, maybe for a nice dinner with no distractions, or a picnic or something!! (There's my wishy-washy side coming out..!) But honestly, even if you guys still do this stuff I think you deserve a bit of time together that feels extra, extra special!!!
Be kind to yourself. Good luck. Sorry if that wasn't much help, I wish you aaaall the luck in the world!! So she's skinny with big boobs. You are your own person, and he chose you over her in the end! Which is why you're his gf and she's his ex.
Take care, really do!!!,
-Sam
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