A
female
age
51-59,
*illie38
writes:This is my situation. I have already made up my mind of divorcing my husband right after you see what I am going through. My husband came out the 1st week of January 2008 and told me that he loves me to death as the mother of his kids but not in love or have that spark anymore for me. I was upset but I am over it by now. I knew we had problems and I kept telling him for a year or so that we should seek help and he told me that I guess he was in denial because he always refused when I asked him that. Anyway, I though this was about someone and he told me and I do know for sure that this is not about anyone or having his freedom, its about him focusing on his job, his two boys and himself. Talking about being SELFISH, Yes, he is super selfish and he has admitted that before and all his friends and family know that about him, but never thought that he would turn against me with that. He only calls me to see how the boys are doing and the conversation is over, I told him to leave a month ago so he is leaving with a friend, he still has his clothes here, he still takes his boys to school for me, so I only see him for a second in the morning, when I am getting in my car to go to work he is coming in, drops our boys to school comes back to our home for shower and change of clothes and heads to work. he said he wanted a break from me only and to do a legal separation. I am filing for divorce this week coming up. what do you people think about this?
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a break, divorce, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (9 March 2008):
 If he no longer is in love with you, why is he filing for a legal separation and not a divorce? I think you should have a discussion of your future. A divorce say fine, the end. A legal separation may be for financial reasons or could be temporary? Only he would be able to answer the question.
I also agree that an amicable parting is so much better for the kids. Try to keep things above board as it will be so much easier on all of you, including yourself.
And I agree, why is he showering at your home?
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 Hi
I think he wants out, and thats his right, but he's made his choice, i wouldn't be letting him shower before he goes to work. He's moved out, he needs to stand on his own 2 feet now, the whole kit and kaboodle as the saying goes!
C xxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (9 March 2008):
 There really isn't anything to think about. He appears to no longer have the same feelings for you and as sad as that mey be it is life. You will be fine without him. The statements you make about him being selfish appear to be more out of bitterness and I can only say those feelingS will get you no where. Regarding how his family and friends feel, that is totally irrelevant. All statements like that do is inflame a situation. It appears you two are able to be cordial to each other and it appears he is a good father and hasn't left you with the kids and ran off. You state you are filing for divorce so you have decided that the trial separation he suggestS is not worth the effort. With that in mind it appears you are more done with the marriage than he. I suggest you slow this down. There is no good reason I can think of to rush to divorce. He appanently isn't throwing you out of the bouse and appears to be helping with the kids. Things could be a lot worse and may get a lot worse after you get the attornies involved. You have a chance of keeping things friendly and maybe working everything out. Why would you want to mess with it any more than you have to?
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