| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I text him yesterday telling him that i couldn't do what we originally planed today but i was still free today and we could do something else instead if he wanted to. He text me back yesterday and said i could come to his and watch a movie instead. I said that would be fine and asked him to text me today to arrange what time. He text me this morning at the last minute saying that his house wasn't available now and that he was sorry. We've met up many times before this but i'm still annoyed that he didn't even bother to arrange something else instead. I just replied "Oh ok. Don't worry then". He hasn't replied. What do i do now? Just not bother contacting him and act like it's not a big deal? Is it best to act like i don't care? I'm not very good when it comes to guy's. Help.
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female
reader, malletchick76  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Well, you basically told him not to worry, so he's not going to. Guys take things very literal and at face value, so if it bothers you, speak up or he won't pick up on it in the future.
Now if it comes to where you do speak up that this bothers you and you want to be around him, then that's different. But just be open.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually said "Ok. No worries". Not "Ok. Don't worry then" if that makes a difference.
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female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (9 January 2012):
honey, guys have waffle brains. most think in compartments. if you think of a waffle, they fill the little squares with syrup one at a time.
so dont be so hard on yourself! if it doesnt work, say "oh well" and dont be afraid to take initiative (some guys think its hot)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's not my boyfriend but he's more than a friend. No, i'm not on any medication. Him and i don't see each other that often so when we do i get nervous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): Agreed with So Very Confused that if you suffer anxiety at such a young age, medication may be needed to aid you in having a more social/healthier life.
Suggest you see an individual counsellor and your Family Practioner to get to the bottom of this anxiety.
Why live in constant state of fear/anxiety?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 January 2012):
 I understand... but isn't he a FRIEND???? you are socially anxious around friends too?
are you seeing someone for this condition?
do you have medication to help you through this till therapy works?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think you understand what i'm saying. Like i said, i have very low confidence. I can't just pick up the phone and call him. I have social anxiety and it makes it hard for me to put myself out there. Most people won't understand.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 January 2012):
no one is saying TEXT him. PICK UP THE PHONE and CALL HIM
this having relationships by text message is going to be the death of society.
he's just a friend you said he was not your boyfriend.
what could you have possibly blown unless you WANT him to be your boyfriend...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks but i think i've already blown it. I'm just going to leave it. I'm not texting him again today.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Why not call and ask if he is still free? You all can go to the movies?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): So you both cancelled at the last minute. You offered an alternative, which he couldn't,it turns out, follow up on, as his home wasn't free either.
Where's the problem,can't see why your annoyed.? If you couldn't go to either of your homes then perhaps he didn't want or feel like going out somewhere.Maybe he doesn't have the cash to go out.
He doesn't have to arrange something for today and you told him not to worry, so theres no rush. I would give him a chance, he will probably text you in a couple of days,if he doesn't then he wasn't really interested.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see your point. It's just i'm pretty insecure at times (he's not my boyfriend by the way) and i'm basically too scared to say "do you want to do this or that instead" incase he either say's "no" or doesn't reply and i feel humiliated. This is part of my problem, i lack self esteem. It as his idea to hang out, so i know he wanted to be i still feel like "why would he want to hang out with me?" sort of thing.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Ok, I still don't see why you are mad at him.
Exactly the same thing has happened to him as happened to you - the venue of choice was no longer available due to other people.
No more his fault as your family coming over is your fault.
He apologised, said he was sorry for circumstances out of his control if it was to do with other people he lives with.
My guess is that your response of "ok, dont worry then" has made him think that you are pissed off with him (which you are). So he is avoiding you. He probably would have liked to hear "why dont we go to the cinema instead?"
It really isn't a big deal - so the movie night didn't work out because of circumstances. It happens. Sometimes you can't see your bf/gf because of LIFE. It is how you deal with it that is the important thing.
"but i'm still annoyed that he didn't even bother to arrange something else instead"
THIS is the telling bit in your question. It appears that HE is the one who has to do all the running around and arranging of dates. He has to be the one to ask YOU. He has to make all the effort. Bottom line is, he DID arrange something else, but it didn't work out and you are mad at him, without trying to solve the problem and organising something yourself.
What exactly would you have liked him to have done? Just to try and understand what you want from him. How would you have liked him to have addressed this situation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): Well you said 'ok dont' worry then' but it wasn't the truth now was it?
And as you had to cancel your plans because of family; then you should be understanding he had to do the same.
If you wanted the option to still spend time with him today, you should have suggested that.
I don't see how he is supposed to read your mind.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): I get the feeling you never heard from him regarding your original plans so you tried to find some way to still see him since you doubted he was coming over anyway? Your text was perhaps a way to remind him that the two of you did have plans that day?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. We originally arranged to watch a movie at mine but that didn't happen because i ended up having family over so i asked him if he was still free could we do something else. That's when he said i could come to his instead.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 January 2012):
Ok, I am a little confused.
So you had a date planned for the day, you said you couldn't do THAT, but you were still free for the day? What were you doing that you couldn't do the original thing?
I don't understand why if you were free, you couldnt do what had been planned?
Not sure why you are annoyed - you cancelled the original plan, he suggested the film at his place, which then due to some issues obviously couldnt happen. Why did YOU not bother to arrange something else to do, since it was you who originally cancelled in the first place?
Perhaps he feels as you cancelled the original plans it should be you to suggest a replacement?
If you could give some background it may help.
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male
reader, tobson +, writes (9 January 2012):
Well you channeled on him first. Maybe he just did not have a set date and was very busy. Or maybe family came - ..who knows. Give him the chance to come up with a new date.
I think your text was fine and I advise to just wait and see how he will respond.
Since it is the first time I would not overplay it, but if he keeps doing it that it would be a deal-breaker for me.
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