A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm currently suspecting that the man I have been seeing for several years is cheating on me. If you could read through the below list of signs and give me your opinion about whether it could be something I'm overthinking.. or a list of petty things.. or absolute truths and enough evidence to end our relationship, that would be great.1. Emotionally distant.. as if something's always on his mind all the time.2. Last week, I drove past his house and saw him getting into a car at midnight on a worknight.. the car was one I'd never seen before. He denied this was him... but there was no way it could've been anyone else.. I saw it for myself.. but he's forced me to doubt what I saw.3. Unable to be contacted for hours and hours.. even on his cell. Then hours later, he'll get in touch out of the blue, as if he didn't know I'd been trying to ring.. without any explanation of where he was. When I ask.. he says, "Oh just some bits and peices."4. Said he wanted to do his own thing the other night.. so I left him to it.. but the next day (after friends of ours spot him) he coyly tells me he was at the movies with another girl. When I tell him to catch up with this girl since she's back in town (she's an old friend).. he takes her and her daughter to the zoo the next day.5. I drop him out the airport to fly to another city (the city that same girl lives in) and he says to me "I won't call you tonight, I'll just call you tomorrow ok?" And repeats this twice to make it clear.6. Never wants to touch or even kiss me. Has no interest in it. When I initiate it, it's one sided. Shows no attraction to me.7. When I ask him what his plans are.. e.g. marriage.. house in the future.. he says he feels blank and doesn't know.8. Is leaving my house at night even earlier than ever.. now it's as early as 9.30pm.. because he says he's going home to read his book. 9. Over the past couple of years, he's taken several work trips on his own.10. Has never invited me (in 8 years) to his work functions.. I don't know any of his work crowd, but my cousin who works with him asked me the other day why I've never been to ONE of their functions.. I had to say I didn't know of any.11. Doesn't surprise me, never buys me flowers, jewellery.. thoughtful gifts or celebrates anniversaries at all.12. I have never seen in his cellphone.. his email.. his accounts.. I can only feel suspicious about what I didn't know of.. I have no real proof...13. And lastly, I started him a Facebook account a few years ago. He shortened his surname.. I have no idea why.. and I see that he's added this girl (he was at the movies with that night). I have sent him an invite months ago, and told him, but never received an approval to be on his page. I since tested him to see whether he still uses that email account and sent him a random email.. he answered straight away.There it is.. I'm making myself sick over the above things. If you could let me know what you think, I would very much appreciate it. Thanks everyone :) Great site by the way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): hi there, you posted some of this before. and YES he is cheating. check out the zoo lady and kid. i am sure its with her.
A
female
reader, ms.rafaeli  +, writes (9 January 2010):
DUMP HIM! I can't believe you've been with him for years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): By the way..... I have another question to add...
Do you think, the fact that I'd just love to see in his cellphone (after these shady developments).. and that I've driven by his house everyday for the past week to see what other clues I can pick up.. do you think this is bordering on psycho.. or do you think under the circumstances, this is normal?
I have NEVER wanted to be over-possessive.. hence why I always encouraged him to catch up with friends - male OR female. Now I feel like, encouraging him to live his own life and have all the privacy he needs has backfired on me.. you just can never get it right can you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): Oh and just to add...
You may wonder why I've stuck around.. but this guy has done sweet things for me over the years... for instance.. I raise goldfish.. and he does considerate little things to help me with this.. or he'll spend time researching a 2 day break we can take.. and do lots of fun stuff together on little road trips (all sexless and romanceless of course)..
These things were always what I thought of that told me he must love me but can't show it. But NOW.. with the recent shady developments (possibly with another woman).. I think that he's probably been doing nice little things for me as a way of continuing to use me in his life for his convenience and as a way of helping deal with his guilty conscience for when he's bedding someone else. Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): WOW.. AWESOME ADVICE.. thank you everyone. I would welcome anymore stuff you have to say.
I know what I need to do now. I didn't want to make a clean break from him without real actual PROOF he's with someone else.. but now that I've put all these things in my mind out there.. you've just confirmed I have enough reason to end it on these things alone.
Thank you thank you thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): well, i think its clear hes been using you. I was surprized you let this go on for eight years. CHEATING on you? No, why? cause he was never with you.. you were with him but he was never with you.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (8 January 2010):
he is very obviously cheating so dump him. Don't be used like this
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (8 January 2010):
 Oh hun, I think that it is time to cut your losses and move on... whether he is cheating on you or not, dont waste anymore time on him.
Honeygirl
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 January 2010):
Whether he's cheating or not (which it sounds like he may be), he's certainly not that into you at all. To be honest, I think you could do better for yourself.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (8 January 2010):
 Good Greif. DUMP HIM. he's clearly not into you. Not to sound too much like that book but those are very big signs that he is with someone else. He's probably too cowardly to break up with you, instead he makes you go crazy over his actions.
Kick him to the curb, he's being super shady. You seem like a nice girl who doesn't deserve a guy who is so decietful about his whereabouts. He even insulted your intelligence by trying to convince you that you didn't see him get into that car. R.E.S.P.E.C.T yourself lady loo :)
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