A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 16 years. i have e.d. when my wife lets me have anal sex i dont stop when its hurting her. i take viagra and it is really hard to control myself. now my wife is having issues with self esteem and wants nothing to do with me touching her. i know this is my fault and want to make things better with us. i love her dearly and want to be able to reconnect with her sexually as well as personally. please help.
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anal sex, self esteem, viagra Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aussie girl  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 Just be grateful you're still in the same house as her if I were you. Like it or not when she says Stop! or No! and you keep going that's rape.You love her so much but don't mind inflicting pain on her? I tell you what, go buy a cucumber and shove it up your anus repeatedly, do this for about 15 minutes, then maybe you'll have some inkling to how your wife felt.
Anal sex can be pleasurable for both men and women, but sometimes it can be painful for women, you have just put your own selfish needs before her health and well being.
And get off the Viagra, I don't think you'll be needing them for a long time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): It is har'd for me to believe that you love her and think she cannot. I think what you are being premature in your desire to reconnect with her. What you did was abuse you used her for your pleasure , not only that you caused her pain while you felt pleasure. That's called sadism and has nothing to do with the drug because that is not the effect of the drug. So inaddition to possibly being a sadist you are placing the blame on a drug. Under the cercumstaces, she is correct in not letting you touch her. You have taken no responsibility for your cruelty and you have suffered no consequences. You have essentialy gotten away with a crime. I am certain that you have been cruel to others in your life, in short you are dangerous and if she had written to this forum I would advise to leave. I can offer you no advice to get what you want. I cam say a prayer that she remains safe and that you concentrate on getting help for your problems. If you love her as you say then stay away from her. You said nothing about making any restitution just concentrated on what you want. Again the sign of a dangerous person.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 January 2010):
So hang on, she says stop during sex and you don't..... that's way beyond buying flowers territory, that's thanking her for not pressing charges.
So first off, anal is off the menu for you for a LONG TIME. You can't trust yourself not to rape your wife, so just do not go there.
You need to care about her well being.
Start again, take her out on dates, help her around the house, hold doors and concentrate on nothing but making her happy. When you do start getting intimate again, make it all about her pleasure. Take time to experiment with just stroking her and kissing her. Foreplay is about far more than your hand in her pants. She has a whole body for you to kiss and love.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (8 January 2010):
 I don't know that anything is going to work in this situation. You basically abused her and had no consideration for her. No wonder she feels like crap (exactly how you treated her) and won't let you touch her. That would be irreperable and unforgivable in some people's books.
I hope the issue does get resolved for your wifes sense of self worth, but you need to get doing some really really really serious sucking up, and keep at it with a smile on your face until you have undone the damage you have done. If you can.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 January 2010):
You really need to spend your time just listening to her and caring for her before anything else. She's having issues and needs you to be there for her. Tell her you love her, take time over her and help her overcome of issues.
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