A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Mum has a weight problem which has got significantly worse lately, and I'm not quite sure if there is anything more I can do to help her. I have been really supportive of her since I was a child. I have done all I can to be encouraging and have even offered to exercise and follow her diet so I know what she goes through. I even paid for her to see a specialist, but she hasn't booked the appointment.She did see a nutritionist for a while, and I was very proud that she lost a good amount of weight, but in the last few months she put on weight very quickly and I think it now looks vulgar. I love her to bits, but it just looks like she has given up on herself. She hasn't got any underlying illnesses and she has never been diagnosed with an eating disorder. She says she has an eating disorder (she has never been diagnosed with one), but when she says that it sounds more like she is using that as an excuse to overeat rather that acknowledging that she has a problem and addressing it. To make matters worse, my sister is exactly the same.My Mum is a very attractive lady. However, I am starting to feel really down because I feel guilty that I am repulsed at looking at the weight my Mum has put on around her stomach. I feel really annoyed because I am sure my Mum sits downstairs for hours listening for when I've gone to bed so that she can get food out of the pantry/fridge.I have no idea what has triggered this bout of eating, but I am sure she is at the heaviest weight she has ever been.I have found helping my Mum with her weight problem over the years really draining and I don't know what to do anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 January 2010):
Unfortunately, you can't MAKE your mum lose weight.
It's the same with any other addiction. We get people on here who are determined to miserable, who are determined to stay with bad boyfriends, you can be as supportive as you want but unless they WANT to move on, they won't.
She obviously hasn't hit a point where she wants to change yet. She'll do it a bit because she knows she should and to make you happy, but as you say, she'll sneak down and eat at night because she WANTS to.
I think you have to tell her that you can't do it any more and give it a bit of tough love. Tell her you are sick of worrying, sick of feeling bad about judging her. So you are going to let her get diseases and let her look like a sea lion. And you'll give her a lift back from the hospital when they chop her feet off due to gangrene from the diabetes... although you may need to hire a specialist vehicle to fit her in.
Be "supportive" by suggesting they start making the house wheel chair adaptable NOW rather than waiting for it all to go wrong. Although that's a bit of a gamble as she could also drop dead of a heart attack and then you'll have lowered the house price with all your adaptations.
Let her get on with it and live your own life.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 January 2010):
Unfortunately, you can't MAKE your mum lose weight.
It's the same with any other addiction. We get people on here who are determined to miserable, who are determined to stay with bad boyfriends, you can be as supportive as you want but unless they WANT to move on, they won't.
She obviously hasn't hit a point where she wants to change yet. She'll do it a bit because she knows she should and to make you happy, but as you say, she'll sneak down and eat at night because she WANTS to.
I think you have to tell her that you can't do it any more and give it a bit of tough love. Tell her you are sick of worrying, sick of feeling bad about judging her. So you are going to let her get diseases and let her look like a sea lion. And you'll give her a lift back from the hospital when they chop her feet off due to gangrene from the diabetes... although you may need to hire a specialist vehicle to fit her in.
Be "supportive" by suggesting they start making the house wheel chair adaptable NOW rather than waiting for it all to go wrong. Although that's a bit of a gamble as she could also drop dead of a heart attack and then you'll have lowered the house price with all your adaptations.
Let her get on with it and live your own life.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (8 January 2010):
What about her joining Weightwatchers or Slimmers World with her. Also, getting her a personal trainer for a couple of months to get her started. Or having a daily walk every evening. You can start with 10min and work up to an hour.
But at the end of the day she has to want to do it. You can't really force her. But being your mum you can never give up on her indefinitely. Maybe stop nagging her for a month or so to get through winter then start again.
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