A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Exams are coming up soon and i study at uni from mornin til late night. currently i dont have a girlfriend and i see quite a few really nice girls in the library. i get nervous jus to go up to talk to a girl.once when i was walkin up a flight of stairs, a girl was walkin down and said hey so i smiled and said hey back but i didnt stop to make a conversation cuz she was on the phone, and so i didnt chase after her..i dont even know her. also, there was this girl sittin reading by herself. so i thought i'd go speak to her but as i approached i saw she had her feet on the other chair so i thought she didnt wanna be interrupted.i have made eye contact with other girls and we would just smile but how would i actually get a positive identification that she would actually like me? but then what if the girls already seen me speakin to other girls... won't she think im just lookin around? Am i being too complicated, girls? boys, what do you guys do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 Sounds like a few girls have caught your eye. It's normal to get nervous when you're interested in someone. Comfort comes with time. It's sounds like your interesting in starting conversations with girls. The more you talk to girls, the more comfortable you'll become.
Start by saying hi. Say hi and greet everyone you meet in your daily life and make an effort to do so even if they are strangers. Say hi to the bus driver, the cashier, the stranger walking opposite you on the sidewalk. A friendly "hi" and then look away and carry-on your business. Count them in your head if you want. You'll have to make an effort to keep it up but it will become automatic after a few weeks and at that point your body language will change. When it does, you'll get more and more smiles back and friendly replies. Don't be discouraged if you don't at first. It will improve each day and you become more comfortable.
Once you're comfortable with that you'll find that conversations with strangers (females) will become easier. You'll feel comfortable talking to middle aged women or non-threatening grandma in public after a friendly hi spurs a random conversation.
Once, you're comfortable talking to older "non-threatening" woman you'll find that conversations with women closer to your age will become easier. These will be the bank tellers, the cashiers, the telephone operators. Next you'll feel comfortable talking to complete strangers in the library without skipping a heartbeat.
You certainly don't have to do it in that order but it helps if you want to build your comfort level.
Take care.
A
female
reader, loveroman  +, writes (4 May 2009):
i love it when guys have the courage to talk to any girl - just make sure the girl isn't busy or make sure she isn't studying. i personally hate it when i'm ferociously studying for a test and someone bothers me. and if the girl gives you one word answers, then you know she's clearly not interested.what cerberus said is true - talking to us females before class, maybe in the hall, or when the girl doesn't look particularly busy.and it's best to just have friendship in mind. we all like having lots of friends, regardless of the sex. i know i never talk to a guy having anything but friendship in mind
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Well, the answer to your question would be-what exactly are you looking for? Are you looking for a girlfriend or do you just want to be friends. Whatever you want, the key is to be confident. Come on, the girl is not going to bite your head off! Be at ease with yourself and be natural. I guarantee you will have better success with girls. Don't be too anxious about the whole thing. You are a guy, remember?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I tend not to over complicate the situation, I've never figured out a way to tell if a girl likes me or not without talking to her, Im usually told by other people in those circumstances.
I turn into a bag of nerves when I'm talking to a girl too but it doesn't stop me, I've found that a lot of girls think that's cute, If you approach a girl with only friendship in mind then it's easy to talk to them, so just get into that mindset.
If they're busy on the phone or reading a book I'd leave them to it, I usually start talking to girls in mutual situations, in queue's, before lectures etc.
Again the best thing I can say is just talk to them, and do it before your mind has a chance to start thinking too much.
...............................
A
female
reader, jellybeans +, writes (4 May 2009):
I am also in a university but chatting to random guys in the library a week before my finals is not my favorite. How about your lecture? Don't you meet girls in your classes? Next time start a casual conversation with someone about class material and invite her to be your study buddy. Or join clubs, I am pretty sure they have female members as well. If I were you, I won't even bother starting a romantic encounter at this time. Have a relationship is like a 4 units class, why does someone want to sign up for a 4 units course right before finals.
...............................
A
male
reader, Polite Fellow +, writes (4 May 2009):
Hi mate, i think maybe you're worrying too much. You don't want to seem desperate, i had a hell of a time when i was in school/college and the like. But sometimes things just work out. In my experience i'd say let things happen, getting talking to someone for the first time is the hardest part. if there is one person that you really like it might be worth making the effort, but if you are seeing many people that you are finding attractive you may just be looking for anyone... and not someone which in my opinion never works. its best to meet someone naturally first, either in joint classes, shared situations etc. then get talking, get to know them and see where things go.Don't hurry into things just because you are lonely or because you think you should have a lover. It should always be because you strongly like how someone is.
...............................
|
