A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I just broke up and we were going out for over a year. It started out great and we had many rough spots. She would get depressed a lot because of school issues and friends etc... and I would be her main support force. My friends kept an eye on her after she went on a trip where she was acting a little too flirty with people and since then things haven't been the same. She was trying to experience the single life meanwhile maintaining the stability of her life with the comfort of a relationship. I loved her and since she came back from that things were rough. We broke up and she said that she knew things were rough with us and that she felt like she couldnt keep lying to herself and that we needed to break up. I agree that we needed to break up we weren't the best for each other (atleast toward the end). But I miss her so much. I want to just hug her and hold her and talk to her. She told me that toward the end she thought of me more as a best friend than a boy friend, which was very hard to hear. And now I just don't know what to do. I'm about to be out of school and she was my first legit girl friend. My plan when we were done with school was that we would probably break up but we would remain friends and keep in touch because we had shared so much with each other and had so many good times with each other. But now I just don't know... now it hurts so bad but I miss her so much. Any advice?
View related questions:
acne, best friend, broke up, depressed, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Look man if you really love her man and you think that she will be happy without you than let her go man. but if you feel that you guys are ment for each other call her and express your feelings to her tell her how dont just tell her you love her nah expressed yourself my bad to says this but screw what your friend says look i did it and we got back toughether
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): story of my life.it sucks man i know.I'm depressed as f**k over it.we men lie to ourselves and people around, but we just want them back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lina319 +, writes (6 May 2009):
 If all your friends are on the prowl, you can either join them but keep your distance, dive right in, or stay away all together. The choice is really yours. Whatever feels right for you. But don't let your friends persuade you to do something you don't want. Im not a guy, but from my experience, watching all my guy friends, they can be pretty cruel.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the posts. I really appreciate the advice. What do I do if most of my friends are on the prowl and looking for other girls. I know I can hangout with them when they aren't doing that but its hard to be around people who are going after that when I'm trying to deal with this stuff.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Thanks xxxnyria for your female perspective regarding space. Thanks Lina319 for your advice on the transition from lovers to strictly friends.
We just recently broke up and she is playing the field while having difficulties dealing with me and my desperate drunk calls at 1:00 a.m. Also we have dinner plans once a week which I see now is pretty stupid like sticking a needle in my left eye. When I say she is playing the field I mean she is dating again (with better men than I). I feel aweful and am losing sleep over her.
I just deleted her number (and speed dial number) from my cell to avoid calling her from now on. I already told her that I don't want to see her hurt (by other "better men") yet I am here if she wants to call me.
I am such a loser. But I am hanging out with new female friends to see what's up and just chillin like a villain. It crossed my mind to get sort of a tattoo for this experience (almost 2 year loving experience)... NAH!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Lina319 +, writes (4 May 2009):
Breaking up is never easy. The after effects are so much harder to cope with. There isn't much advice one can give to ease your suffering. The phrase I hated with a passion to hear most in situations like this was "Time Will Heal The Pain," there is some truth in it. A lot of it actually. Time may seem far away now, and likely not on your side but eventually things will start looking up. I wont sit here and tell you to go out and have sex with as many girls as possible, even tho for some guys/ girls it works, but I doubt it. This will only make you feel better for a short period of time, before you start to spiral back into depression. My only two suggestions would be to A) try to stay as busy as possible, any free time will only leave room for unanswered questions, guilt, nostalgia, and utter sadness. or B) indulge in your emotions, sometimes running from how we feel only fosters denial, pent up tension/ confusion, and brick walls that will be hard to break down in the future. If you feel sad, be sad, but stay hopeful. Realize that all things happen for a reason, and that each relationship we have, and lose are just the building blocks for when the real thing comes our way. Learn from this experience, and try to stay positive, be confidant. Don't let her memory haunt you, and make you think that you are to blame in this ordeal. A relationship is a two way street, if she was the one who wanted to cross over to the one way, well then its her loss. Also remaining friends with a lover is so hard. Again, time is evil. To transition so quickly from lovers to strictly friends is impossible especially when a break up is still fresh in mind. You will never see her as just a friend, but someone who could become your girlfriend again, and unless she feels the same way, then you have a shot at a second chance. Dont be sad, try to surround ureself with positive people, friends and family. Find as much support as you can right now. And dont hesitate to talk about your feelings, it can work wonders. Good luck and feel better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): You just sound lonely im afraid. you say that you would probably break up anyway so your brain is telling you that you didn't love her or at least if you did enough to be with her even with the rough stuff and that even though it hurts right now you will get over it. it may take some time but you will. i felt the same as your girlfriend felt with my ex boyfriend and now we are just friends and its great. he has said he wants to be back with him but I've just said no right now at least. give her space and see what she wants in a few months. its what she needs. space.good luckx
...............................
|
