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age
51-59,
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writes: We all get busy in life, work, family, hobbies, etc and at times it's not easy to see friends/acquaintances on a regular basis, some people we see regularly, some not often at all. Sometimes I feel like I am always the one doing the texting or contacting, even just to say hi, while others make little or no effort, yes we all get busy I know this! Surely if a person really wants to stay in touch, even to say hi, shouldn't they make some effort? send that quick text or use social media to say hi, it takes 3 mins of yr time. I cant help it but am sick of doing all the texting or contacting and then when I do see people they say "we should catch up more!" seriously... you can contact me too! are you soo super busy with yr life that you cant make any effort. I'm not a demanding person at all, I like my space at times, as we all do, but it just would be nice to have "friends" that seem to care.I feel as though most of my friends (and I don't have many)are aquaintances and I'm not sure how much more effort I should make? when do I know to let go and if they contact me they contact me?I might end up with noone if I leave it to them! I feel sad (and a little envious) that I don't have as good friends as the people I work with, or even my younger brother and sister, who both have famiiles and work and have young kids but still see their friends .Are people becoming more lazy with f/ships?Are a few good, reliable friends too much to ask?I'm a good and caring friend, or I could be if I was given a chance and actually saw my friends.Am I ok to feel this way? fed up right now.Is it really time to say goodbye to my friendships?thankyou for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): iI wouldn't get too hung up on the possibility that you may be projecting desperation onto friendships. I know exactly how you feel about people sometimes seeming like they don't make any effort, even to say "Hi". It does happen. I found it best not to get too caught up in analysing exactly why and to instead just nurture more friendships with other people. I've learned to just not expect very much from people but not to feel angry about it, just value what they offer. When you've more friends you don't mind it so much. It's possible that you are unfulfilled in other ways though - do you have a parnter? Are you happy and fulfilled in your job? - if this is the case you may be a little pre-occupped by thinking about why people don't contact you - ie. trying to fill an emptiness in the wrong way. But seriously, I dont think there's anything majorly wrong, just maybe needing to 'fill up' your life a bit more with other activities and more friends.
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female
reader, citadel  +, writes (12 February 2014):
"I might end up with no one if I leave it to them!"Here is the root of your problem. That's why it's so good to write about problems, because as we write away on a tangent, we will find a few things we hide from ourselves.So what can you do?Change that one thought. Change, the "I might end up alone"to "I love to interact with people" or "I always find myself having close conversations" - "I am not afraid to walk away from relationships that add no value"The fear you project to others, who may be avoiding you is, they fear of being alone, so you'll project depression, aggression, desperation. All reasons no one will want to hang with you. But that's ok, because you need to do the one thing that's the catalyst of your fear. That is hanging out with just YOU. But in good ways, positive ways, developing a sense of "it's my life" ways. It will be a difficult journey, but you'll come out knowing yourself better and behaving better and thinking better. You'll go through many dark night's of the soul. But that's ok that pain is the fear that will release you forever. Yes, I can say forever. Many people remain in their fear's often not even knowing what they are. Then they become estranged from life itself and the people around them become enemies or distants. So for now just changed the thought to a better one, it's a process and it starts in your thoughts. Change one thought a day, write it out and put it on a wall. Be accepting of the sad things you will feel on a journey not taken, you will leave much behind, but find much much more. It will take time, and that is where climbing the wall of the big descent so hostile and tiring and challenging. But one inch up out of despair is one inch towards the sun. It's the road less taken, but it's the right road to take. All is good, remember that, be alone with the fear of being alone forever. That is your first task and maybe the only task. You do that for yourself and you will have all the friends and family and mates and teams and lovers you've ever ever wanted.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 February 2014):
 It ebbs and flows... some friends I contact more than others... then they contact me more.... depends on how it goes...
if you are doing ALL the contacting and all the plan making and they are HESITANT to make plans... then yes it's time to stop contacting and making plans and move on to finding friends that better fit your life now...
I have a friend from age 14... around age 28 we lost contact... we were besties at age 14.
now in our 50s.. we get together for dinner every few months and that's it... I let the relationship lapse when I was in a different time and place in my life than she was. It was not that I didn't like her, just that we didn't mesh any more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 February 2014):
 My guess is it's a pattern.
I have a friend whom I adore, SHE is always the one who contacts first. It's like she has the ability to know I'm thinking of her and calling her. She seems to manage to call me first. It's kind of a standing joke with us. I think in the last 10 years I have called her first maybe 20% of the time?
Couple of my male friends can go non-communicative for weeks then call a lot them back to not calling. It's just how it is.
I have another friend who NEVER calls me - known her for 25+ years - I ALWAYS call her. Doesn't bother me. I do wish I would call her more often though. She does text however, which I utterly hate. And we e-mail regularly.
Since most of my friends are overseas calling can be tricky 7-9 hours time difference, add in kids, work, holidays, you name it - it can be hard but we do e-mail a lot.
I'm not really sure who you resent being the one to reach out. Now if you call and arrange a meet up and they either don't show or cancel last minute I can understand the resentment, but if you have NEVER told them I wish you would call ME some time then I don't get it. It doesn't mean you are not regarded as "highly" a friend because they don't call YOU first.
Maybe it IS time to meet new people?
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