A
male
age
36-40,
*njoimx
writes:I believe my ex has lost all respect for me. After she tactfully broke up with me saying she needs space and needs to find herself, I kept finding signs of hope that she still wanted to be with me. I have been back and forth through emails saying how "I have to stop talking to you" and "I cant lose you i can try to be your friend". I am even more depressed now knowing that not only does she not want to be with me anymore, but now she doesnt even respect me as a person...i am someone who wont stand up for my feelings and i cant live without her, and she KNOWS this. I want so badly to move on, but its been 3 months...the relationship was only 3 months...why cant i move on...I feel like she moved on instantly...this kills me.I really need to move on now because it is affecting my health and well being, and my productivity. I sleep too much and drink alot. this sucks.I use to be a very happy person without a girlfriend, and was even flirting with alot of girls. Now my desire to meet new girls is pretty much gone. I just want the old g/f back...but cant have her. I hate the fact that i wasnt good enough for her.Please help.Thanks
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male
reader, Blackjack +, writes (19 July 2008):
First off the internet is a pretty unique place and the fact that soo many other people are going through the same stuff I am is astounding to me. I guess I hope this site is a help to you in finding some answers and advice. My Ex just broke up with me as well so I have an understanding of what you are talking about, I wrote my sob story on here if you want to come and give me advice or mock me go ahead... ahhaha I am kidding, sorry on to trying to help you.
I have to say from my own experience the constant email and contact will not allow it to heal and in fact makes it far worse, I was doing better then my EX emailed me and I felt the wounds open again. So I can say try and have no contact with her and if you do I would say do not talk about your feelings and emotions as much if at all it makes it harder on you because you will focus on it after you are done talking and drag you down more. If you do have to talk keep it brief and to the point and not emotional.
I too used to be happy before her and now that she is gone I felt like well there goes my one chance on life I messed it up..... well as much as I would like to sit like this I am slowly realizing that life does not work like that and all things are part of a future or pattern you might not always see. I know the time sucks now and you feel like crap I would just agree with the posters above and say try and exercise and perhaps join new clubs or activities to keep your mind and body free. It will pass with time...... how much time I don't know but coming from a guy who used to live his life feeling sorry and lame I am slowly on the path to getting better and as for my EX well I still really care for her but I have to understand that I need to focus on me right now and what ever comes from life will come and i have to meet it head on.
I hope this helps in some way....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): What do you say in the emails you send her? So, she doesn't want to be your friend? Why did she lose respect for you? I broke up with my ex 3 months ago and I can't be his friend either because he was disrespectful to me-a little different situation I guess. Anyway, understand that it is probably hard for her too, because even though I did the breaking up I am still sad a lot too. Give it about a year and then maybe try talking to her again. I have been through many breakups and I'm only 24, but I always seem to get through them no matter how hard it is-I'm living proof and I feel your pain right now. Time will heal everything. Give her her space-that will show that you respect her.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 We've all been there. I'm dealing with it right now. At the end of the day just get over it. You have to move on. Ok she doesn't respect you as a person... She tramples all over you. So cut ALL contact... Delete everything.I've just finished a 15 month relationship a little over a month ago and I'm dealing with it slowly but surely. I had that glut in productivity. Hell, she jumped straight into another relationship after a week or two.At the end of the day we need to accept it. I found myself looking back at all the great times we had. The cosy nights in and the cuddles I miss. This made me feel really bad like there isn't anyone else out there for me.I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact I was fine before her. And I'll be fine after too.I find I'm at the stage where I remember all the bad times and how I wasn't happy, things she did that were bad, things she said were bad, times when she treated me bad and I take all that and let it out, yeah I've come to tears, I've talked to people, friends, family, even here. I've also let out my anger by getting myself down the gym... I get to release some aggression and I feel better and healthier too.You need to STOP wallowing about and feeling sorry for yourself. Grab your life by the balls and do stuff. Read, learn something, keep your mind active. I even play chess and scrabble on line when I'm bored and even that helps.She probably isn't as fine as she makes out. If she is then so what? Who cares? What's it got to do with you? The fact you weren't good enough for her? Well maybe she wasn't good enough for you?I went through a period of low self-esteem and felt like I lost myself after I broke up... And it was ME who did the breaking up. She's moved on, rather quickly, but so what? It takes TWO to tango and if you wanted it more than her and she didn't it's her loss. You WILL meet someone else - I'm 29 - you got somewhere between 4-7 years on me pal!Move on... Get in touch with mates. Even ones you perhaps have lost touch with. Get out there and have some fun. You'll find you're back to your old self again after a while. I'm making great progress and to be honest, whilst I'm still struggling with it, I am finding it easier as time goes by.YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN LIGHTING CAN STRIKE. IT'LL HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!Now keep your head up! :)
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