A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I do love my boyfriend to death. He is a kind of person who does not show his emotion and he never wants to talk about his feelings. That is his pesronality and all his friends know about it so it is not just with me. I had tried to talk to him about a few problems we have ( one if them him not being in a mood to have sex with me often and we do it maybe once a week after me beggging for days )and he refuses to talk about them and he tells me that everything is normal to him! If once in a blue moon he decides to talk about something it is all in the screaming and fighting voice!!I have been asking him to go with me to get some professional help and he again refuses to go. Last night after talking to him for hours he agreed to go but he said it is a waste of time and money as he is not going to talk to that person either so if he asks him to say what the problem is he is going to say that he has no problem( because he thinks we do not have any problems) and he is there for me!! I am not sure what to do! I love him a lot and he is a great man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I want to make this work. How do I get him to talk to me about his feelings or how can I get him to go get some help with me??
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Tell him your relationship cannot continue this way. Tell him you want to be with him and you don't want the relationship to fall apart... Ask him to just try and go to counselling together once or twice and see how it goes.
If he's not willing to at least try then walk away. This is the last resort though - you might risk losing him. On the other hand it could just be the kick up the a$$ he needs to do something about it. A wake up call if you like.
Let us know how it goes and let us know how you get on.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (18 December 2007):
 I think your b/f has problem relating to people verbally. He may see it as a sign of weakness to open up and talk about what's on his mind. It could be that his father was exactly like this, and it's genetically ingrained in him to be closed off about things. He may not even be in touch with some of his feelings, so it's very frustrating to tell someone else when he doesn't even know himself. As for the sex part, I suspect the two of you simply have different sexual appetites. But he may also be resisting sex, as a way to keep you from getting close to him. It could be a protection mechanism if he's afraid of being hurt or abandoned, or if he's not that serious about his feelings for you. If you can't get him to talk to a counselor about his intimacy issues, then maybe he'd read a book on the subject. Check out your local book store and see if there are any good books that might help him learn how to relate to you because I can promise you that it will eventually lead to the demise of your relationship. Women will not stay in love with a man they don't feel connected to and he'll be even more upset when he realizes he could've prevented the break up.Good luck.
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