A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do u do when you are in a relationship that just isn't functioning anymore? When you've given all you've got but just can't anymore.My boyfriend and I have a daughter together. We've been together for six years now but its been crazy. We were fine up until I had my daughter (she's 4). Then after that its been not well. He has cheated on me and I can't trust him anymore because he's constantly lying. All he does all day is be out with his friends doing god knows what. I feel it that he's not faithful.He has changed so much that I don't even recognize him anymore. We are currently living with his mom because we can't afford our own place but he doesn't do anything to change the situation. I know he's unhappy ( I just feel it) and I am very much although we love each other very much. I want to change my life around for the sake of my child but I don't know where to begin.What do I do???Right now I don't think he cares if I leave or stay.But I can't afford my own place. Right now my life is just a mess. I don't know where to begin? please help.P.S. this has been going on for four years back and forth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I was in your same position. I was in a relationship with my sons father for five years. Things started going bad when he started cheating, i got fed up and i started cheating, we would fight and argue all the time and it became really unhealthy for all of us. Although i loved him dearly and wanted to keep my family together i didn't want to do it at the expense of me and my sons happiness. I ultimately made the decision to make him move out. My son and i are happier and he still gets to see his dad on a regular basis, but as for me and him we cant be in the same room together for five minutes with out getting into a big argument about something. so for the sake of our son we keep it short and sweet when we have to see each other. I know i made the right decision a long time ago. Your daughter is old enough to see what is going on. If you are not happy, you can gauratee she is not happy. If you allow yourself to continue to be treated this way, she will grow up and find herself a man that treats her the same way.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Hi there,
it is sad to see stories like this. Both of you have lost your independence having to live at your mothers. But you cannot be held to blame for your partners failures , he has to stand up himself. And by the sounds of it he isnt.
You say you live at his mother's, the first step then is to contact a family member of your own and see if you can stay with them, or if you have a social services department in the Virgin Islands ( do you?) then contact them and see what your options are. You should never accept the situation just because you feel trapped. You could always get some work yourself ( im sure your partner's mother could help look after her granddaughter ) and build up some savings. You simply cant continue the way things are at the moment, it is not healthy for you or your child to grow up in a loveless relationship with a partner who pays you no attention and cheats on you.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 The best advice I have ever received came from Clint Eastwood (though he didn't say that to me, or in person): "Call your own shots".
The way you wrote your message lets me see that you're waiting for him to take the initiative and change things. Maybe that is because you wouldn't want to leave him, really, and decided to avoid the problem and give him some time. But it's always a bad idea to wait for others to act, so you can react.
I know you're in a relationship and any decisions you make should be made by the two of you. But that is when you are both moving in the same direction, not when you just can't compromise.
Sometimes, when we love someone, we wish we could just let go. We know what we have to do but, because it is hard, we don't do it. I think that this could be happening to you, too. If your relationship isn't functioning anymore, take the reigns of your life and find the way to be able to live on your own. Then you will be able to leave him, and perhaps find someone else who will love you.
If you let it go on, eventually you will part your separate ways, but that will happen when your daughter will be older and will feel worse about the separation.
Wish you the best.
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