A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay i'm a japanese girl and my family's moving to US in a few weeks. i have a lot of friends here in japan so i guess my personality's not bad, so i hope to make lots of friends in the states. and hopefully i would like to have a boyfriend too. but one of my friend who lived in NY for 7 yrs told me that white/black/(or any race that are not asian) guys who she's ever been with always just wanted to have fun with her and not make it serious. some of them actually asked her out to find out that 'asian girls have more TIGHTER fit' thing was true. plus, she said that those guys she's dated were mostly some kind of losers who could not date a descent girl of their own race. is this race thing really a big deal in US? and do you think her experiences with these guys are just her own and personal or are these something happen often? i'm so worried because she seemed to be much more insecure about herself after she came back from US and she doesn't really want to hang out with any guys out of our race. i don't want to be like that and i want to make friends with anyone in any race. i think i can do that but if they treat me like they treated her, then it would be really hard for me to accept. i am soooooo used to be having a lot of friends around me all the time, and i actually never had more than 2 months without a boyfriend ever since 9th grade. so i'm not used to being lonely and stuff. and also i don't want to just hang out with japanese people there cuz i can do that any time in here too. so... if there's anyone who can answer my questions... feel free!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Well, I actually just went to NYC my first time this year. It is one of the more progressive cities in the US, so you should run into fewer backward people. However, there has been a slew of them recently protesting a mosque being built, so they are around. That's another issue though (so much for the first ammendment...).
Most of the main cities on the west coast (Portland, Seattle, LA, etc.) are more common immigration ports for people coming over from Asia. As such, that culture is more alive there. That's not saying it isn't alive in NY as well.
NYC, from what I gathered while there, is what you make it to be. I have a very good friend who lives there, and she wouldn't trade it for the world. I think you'll be fine. The key will be to find a few good friends and learn the lay of the land. Watch out for players and people who would use you or your lack of knowledge about American culture to their advantage.
I met lots of nice people while I was there visiting. People of many different races and backgrounds who I am pleased to call friends. And I was only there for a week.
I don't think you have to be worried. I hope your move goes well, and if you have doubts or want to learn more about something that comes up, come back and ask. It's better to be informed than clueless. Especially when you start making bigger decisions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Hi everyone. i am the one who wrote this whole thing. first of all, thank you for replying. i really appreciate that. well i don't know if you guys will come back and read this again but most of you guys mentioned about where i'm going is important, so i'm here to give some more informations. my family's getting a house in queens, which is in NY and i guess i will be spending most of my time in manhattan. and that friend of mine lived in manhattan too. i always thought that manhattan was world's most globalized city and almost like a tiny version of earth. i know that there's always good people and bad people anywhere in the world, but i was just really shocked to see my old best friend became so sarcastic and skeptical and everything. i don't want to be worrying all the time but you know, it's tough for everyone to move to a whole different culture right? anywayz... thanks for answering again, and i hope there's some more of you to tell me about NYC.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
Lol, "Redneckland." Yup, that should be the name of an amusement park. I'm starting to get ideas for rides already. A rollercoaster where the cars are shaped like pickup trucks complete with "truck nuts." A trip to mulletville. Hmmm, I might have to copyright this idea!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Konichiwa (all the Japanese I know, but I want to learn more),
Dirtball is right. Players are everywhere, and this guy your friend told you about sounds like one of them. They're scum!! All they want to do is have sex with as many girls as possible so that they can brag about it to their friends.
There are loads of American guys who love Asian women. Loads of Spanish men like Asian women, too. I'm from Florida (USA, in the South) originally and spent the first 20+ years of my life in USA. A lot of non-Asian guys would really like an Asian girl as a serious girlfriend. Having sex with someone shouldn't be entered into lightly. It takes time to build trust and know if a person is sincere or not.
Our ideal in American culture is to embrace diversity and to see everyone as an individual, regardless of race. Sadly, there are racist idiots everywhere.
Hey Dirtball, I live in a town that's trapped in the Stone Age mindset! It's called High Point, and it's Redneckland... no one marries outside their immediate family and pregnant 10 year old kids are the norm.
We have loads of cosmopolitan, progressive cities as well, so not to worry. Most U.S. cities are NOT like High Point (which I'm leaving, thank goodness).
I hope this helps :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): I would agree that Asian women in urban areas are seen as sort of "exotic", and if they are flirty and attractive, they might get a lot of sexual stereotypes attached to them. So where you move and who you hang out with will have a lot to do with it, as will your personality. There's a fine line tho...move too far out of the cities, and there are still a lot of brain dead rednecks who have prejudices against Asians.
I personally an in a suburban are of the Northeast, and find Asian woman very exotic, intelligent and sophisticated. Sexually tho, I'm not generally attracted to them, although I will admit one of the most sexual women I ever knew was Korean.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): im not american but i ve been in the states for ages , and im currently in thailand studying here, i must say most of my american friends love asian women. but not all of them.
it depends on the people actually, u cant judge a whole country by a small sample of ppl
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
Watashi wa Nihon no onnanoko ga daisuki desu.
Sorry if my Japanese isn't that great, I'm still learning.
Personally I find asian women very attractive. I think that what your friend experienced was something you'll find in most cultures though. That would be the player. There are lots of guys out there who just want to have sex with women. They aren't interested in anything else. It is easy to mistake their advances as being genuine. The problem is that they will say anything to get what they want. Once they've gotten what they want, they are usually gone and onto the next conquest.
How you can avoid them: Take your time. Don't rush into anything. Make him work for it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't date, just don't rush into sex. Also, if you can make some good girlfriends, they will likely have a good idea of who the players are and who you should avoid.
The race thing here is hard to explain. America really is a melting pot of cultures and races. Many people here embrace ethnic diversity and look more at the individual than their race. There are also a lot of people out there who are bigoted and hate people based on nothing other than race. I've experienced much more tolerance and acceptance in my life, but I've also seen a lot of racism too.
Where you are moving will also play into how people respond to you. There are some pretty backward areas in this country where people seem to be trapped in a 17th century mindset. At the same time, there are some of the most progressive cities in the world also located on our soil.
I hope you found this helpful, and I hope your move goes well.
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