A
female
age
36-40,
*i_the_tree
writes:Hello aunts and uncles, i really need your help on this one...There's a guy (lets call him Adam) who i used to go out with years ago when i did a performing arts course at college. We ended up breaking up because we were both so young. I didn't really have much contact with him over the years and we ended up getting in touch again, after a 3 and a half year relationship with my latest ex (lets call him Dave) ended.Adam and i talked and he would ask me if i wanted to go out for lunch with him, but i was so hung up on Dave that i always said no. This went on for a couple of months and he always did his best to try and help me feel better.Anyway, last weekend Adam and i were speaking on facebook, and i asked him if he wanted to go for a drink that night. He agreed and we went to do karaoke with a friend. It was so good to see him again and the 3 of us went out afterwards. I've not laughed that hard in AGES and it was great fun catching up with him. His friend went home early which left us 2 out. He was a perfect gentleman, didn't make a move on me all evening. That was until i invited him back to mine, and i actually made the first move. We ended up sleeping together, but he didn't stay over.Now, i'm very attracted to Adam, but i am also still in love with Dave. I'm so confused. I have already told Adam that i am attracted to him but that i don't want to let sex ruin what we already have. Plus, what if my ex suddenly decides he wants me back??? I don't know what i'm supposed to do.I know i have the option of staying single for a while, but i'm very attracted to Adam, he's good for me, he makes me laugh so hard and i have a real soft spot for him, i just don't want to get with him, then do something stupid like leave him to go back to my ex or anything. I couldn't hurt him like that.Please help me, any advice would be great. Thank you!!!
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (25 September 2010):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the question Another thing i forgot to mention is that for the past few months whilst i have been hung up on my ex, i was actually trying to win him back in the process. This is why i always refused to meet Adam, coz i didn't want it to look bad as Dave knows alot of people and the s*** would have hit the fan if word got out that i was with another bloke.
Adam and I actually had a long talk this afternoon, where i expressed my concerns, he's grown up alot since we last went out, and he just wants to havesome fun, and to be honest, so do i. I did mention the fact that 2 people can't really just have sex without one person developing feelings for the other, and i reinforced that i didn't want anyone to end up getting hurt. He seemed to understand and accept my concerns, so i think i'm just gonna take it slow and see what happens. Only problem is that we are both very sexually attracted to each other, he always puts his hand on my leg/knee/arm when he's talking to me, and i do the same as i guess i feel quite close to him (or maybe that's just because i've not really had any physical attention from a man for a while)
To the other poster, i have considered staying single for longer, but since i've been single i've been miserable. Adam makes me laugh so hard, as does his friends, and i felt like i've missed out on months of fun because i've focused so much on wanting Dave back.
So for now it seems my problem about Adam is kinda sorted for now. Suppose i'll have to wait and see if Dave decides he wants me back, then no doubt i'll be back with an update situation/problem if that happens...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): stay single. its better you need time to gather yourself. i made the mistake of jumping into a relationship and regret it very much.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Forget about your ex. You're broken up and you should stay that way. Your bigger fear should be that Adam is a rebound.
You've gotten yourself into a bit of a mess here though. You jumped into the sack with Adam and then backed away. I bet he's wondering what he did wrong even if you told him he didn't do anything wrong. The "it's not you, it's me" line doesn't work. I hope you didn't say it.
I would suggest that you start to date Adam, but set the ground rules that you're going to take it slowly. What happened the other night is something that you've got to try your best to avoid doing again. The sex that is. I think that you'll be over your ex rather quickly if you can start having fun with another guy who is interested in being with you.
Exes should stay in our past. It didn't work out and it isn't likely to work out if you were to get back together. Focus on the future and see how things go with Adam.
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