A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, would like some advice on this please as i just don't understand what went wrong. I am in my late thirties, independent, good job, my own house, just trying to find my mr right but tired of getting messed around and hurt. i met a guy online last year who hurt me badly so decided to take time out and concentrate on myself. got chatting to a lovely person a few months ago and decided to meet up for a drink, he is 40, has children but live in another country with thier mother. we ot on really well and had a great time, talked about a lot of things, said he had come out of a 7 year relationship 6 months ago as they always fought and it wasn't what he wanted. he contacted me the day after and asked me out again. to cut a long story short, we started seeing each other regularly. met all his family and friends, was always at each others houses staying over, went away for weekends, his suggestion, he wanted to meet my sister so we travelled to hers for the weekend and all had a lovely time, he hated bein away from me. he was kind, gentle and seemed to be very caring. a couple of months down the line, he started to get distant and said he wanted to go out with mates and i said this was fine, we all need our space, he became distant, not calling as much and staying home more than he would. we went out last weekend for a drink and he was texting his friends as they were in the pub. i said if he wanted to go out with them then it would hsve been fine and he should have said so. he was distant all night, never really came near me which wasn't him. i stayed at his but he just fell asleep as he had a lot to drink. i left early in the morning, he just gave me a hug and let me go. i text him later that night and asked what i had done wrong and wham! he text back the usual, its not you, its me, head all over the place, your a nice person but should not have got involved, you deserve someone who will love you back and i hope you find him. i was distraght. sent him a few texts, not nasty but making my point, no reply. text him the day after to ask for some things i had at his and he said of course you can call and get them. the morning after, he left them outside my house early on his way to work, called and told me they were there, a bit spineless. text thankyou to him and told him to take care, didn't even get a reply, that was 5 days ago. havn't contacted him and he hasn't me. what do these men want? by the way, his profile is back on the dating site. x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 One thing you got to remember about single people as they get older is that while they may desire the idea of a relationship they will have come to like/expect the freedom they had for all these years.
When you are young you are in some ways trading your father for your husband or your wife for your mother, never been free so what is there to miss.
If you are one of those people who MUST have a relationship then the freedom of being single is a horror.
But for some, the freedom of being single is something they get used too. Being able to go out with who you want, when you want. Not having to make small talk to the same person every day, having the bed to yourself etc etc.
The guy in question might be experiencing this, while he wants a relationship, once in it he longs for the freedom he had before. It is not about needing space. It is about growing up. A relationship can only happen once you stop desiring to be single. Long lasting relationship usually work in my experience because you LIKE making small talk to that person every night. Because you ENJOY sharing a bed together every night.
Basically, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not in the way of a player, just someone who hasn't made his mind up about what he wants or maybe just doesn't realize that he got to make a choice.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Sweeetheart the guy is obviously not meant to be in a relationship as things got very settled with you a little too quick I guess and he then thought I need my freedom as he had been settled for 7 years and then after 6 months of being alone he went into a relationship with you.
I think if someone is freshly out of a long term relationship you should not be around them as they are obviously trying people on for size, you were very comfortable and obviously very lovely to be around but HE was the one who freaked and when the relationship became more intense HE was the one who got cold feet.
You need someone who has been out of a relationship for about 2 years before they start dating you or someone who is single without any skeletons still in their cupboards.
Unfortunately I think we all have to go through some bad times before we find the good ones in this world and no one can stop that from happening but perhaps we get wiser as we move on.
Just look at it this way it was fun whilst it lasted and you have a good time with a guy who was nice to be around but it just wasn't meant to be.
There is a guy out there who will put you first and continue to do so and you will have a fantastic relationship which will grow and be wonderful. It just wasn't this last guy that's all.
Just give yourself some healing time and put yourself first for a while, maybe try and plan a break or something with some girlfriends or even a short spa break or anything along those lines, you need to have some ME time and start to think about what YOU want for a change.
Keep smiling, it will happen when the time is right.
BFN
Country Woman
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