A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit of a complex situation. I've met a really nice guy - we'll call him Henry - and we get on fantastically. And I mean FANTASTIC. The sex is amazing, we sit and laugh constantly over dinner and he treats me really well. Initially it wasn't anything serious, just a bit of a summer fling but lately it has been becoming more serious and we've both admitted it's scarey how much we like eachother. Problem is, he had a brief thing about a year aog with a girl I know. I wouldn't say this girl - who we will call Amanda - is a best friend of mine, but she is a friend who I work with and who i will occasionaly go out for drinks with after work - but only maybe once a month or something. Anyways, Amanda has presumably moved on from when this guy and her had this "thing." She once todl me about him before I was even involved with him and she told me that although she did fancy him, she now has a long term boyfriend who she is really serious about. He also said of her that although it was, she just kept leading him along and he got sick of it. My question is two things, 1) is it ok that I am dating this guy? and 2) How woudl I go about telling her? On one hand I feel that because she is nwo in a serious relationship and what they had was never anything serious like what I have with him, it shouldn't matter. But at the same time, I don't want her to find out from soneone else and for it to look like we were keeping this from her. She's a mutual friend of both of ours and I really want her to be happy for us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): What should it matter? Why would it be of any business of hers? She is not interested in him. So, you are "friends" and work together. So what? The only problem I can see is if she starts being nosey about your relationship with Henry and starts wanting to "compare notes". That is when you should tell her to go dingle herself.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 June 2008):
 OK to answer your questions:-
Question 1 - Is it OK that I am dating this guy?
Answer - God yes, who should say who you should date but you. You don't need anyone's permission. It sounds to me like you get on really well and although both of you went into this by viewing it as just a short term thing your relationship has blossomed and that is fantastic so go with it.
Question 2 - How would I go about telling her?
Answer - Just be honest and tell her outright, first of all say to her that you understand she is happy and very settled with her boyfriend but you felt that it was only fair to tell her that you and Henry are together and you both hope she is happy for you both, explain to her that you felt that it was just fun to start with but you really enjoy being with one another and hope that it continues. Tell her that you wanted to tell her rather than anyone else telling her as you appreciate the fact that she once dated him and you just wanted to be honest about it.
After that no matter what her reaction is then you should just get on with you life and blow what anyone else thinks, you have nothing to reprimand yourselves for and no one can tell anyone else who they should and shouldn't date. Enjoy your life and no one knows where a relationship will go as only time will tell so enjoy every minute of it.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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