A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:A girl likes me, but she's got 2 children, 5 and 6. What do readers think of a singleton going out with someone's who's got children already? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): There is nothing wrong with a single man dating a single Mom. But it is a whole new ballgame. But there are differences than dating just a single female with no kids. You view her as a potential love interest..but remember, she is also a Mother. Do you know the kids? If not, she would be smart to keep her romantic life totally separate from her children's lives, at first. She should always, always priorize her children's emotional well-being and should fully realize how their world can be affected by Mom dating a new man. If this relationship is new, she might hold off having you come into her children's world until this relationship is on solid ground and the trust is in place. So yes, if she does this, then you have a sensible, caring girl, there. Don't be offended is she does this,...you would do the same if you were in her shoes. And if she becomes important to you, you will respect and agree to this arrangement until she is ready to introduce you to her kids. Be patient and it will happen in time. Role modeling, excellent parenting skills is the most powerful tool she should have, and you will need to understand how crucial it is for her to be putting her children's feelings first. .
If this relationship takes off, I recommend that her children meet you but she should wait at least 6 months to see if this relationship gets on solid ground. 9 months-1 year is even better. You have to understand, even under the best of circumstances, acceptance of an outsider is tough for kids and there'a a good chance, those kids will become overly attached to you. So wait until you meet the kids. In a new relationship, there's a chance it won't work out and the kid's suffer a huge loss. Again move slowly-give it time for you and this girl to develop a long-lasting, deep, meaningful relationship.
Remember, her children's safety comes first and foremost, and she'll need to make sure there is zero chance any new man isn't inclined toward any type of abuse. Again don't be offended at this. She is being a good, thoughtful, strong mom and this will say a lot about her maturity and caharacter, as a person. So go have a nice time...get to know and judge for yourself, if she's the one you want to start dating. Take care and I wish you good luck. .
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 I believe this singleton needs to think carefully whether he's ready to this sort of responsibility.
I see you're 26-29 years old. That means that most likely you will want a child of your own flesh and blood. Is she willing to do that?
Very often the children who are not biologically yours end up neglected or mistreated. Many people find it hard to think of their partner's children as his/her own, and that's even harder when you have one who is really your own flesh and blood. This is very unfair on the other children. Are you ready in this sense? This girl will ask herself the same question, and, if she finds you're not ready, she won't want any children with you. Which means trouble in the long run.
Can you handle the ex? I'm sorry, but he will put you under the microscope, and rightly so, because you'll be fathering his children. This is a problem even when the ex is a lousy father but finds that someone else "invaded his territory".
If you get involved with this lady, you need to understand that you will be taking her children, too, and not only in the sense of keeping them, but, primarily, in the sense of fathering them. You will become part of their lives, especially if you stay with them for long, and they will see you as a father figure even if you divorce their mother later. What I'm saying is that you create a bond that will last forever. So you'd better be sure you like this children as your own, and are willing to continue to see them even if the relationship is over.
You also need to make sure her children like you. If they don't, you'd better not get involved with her.
Most likely she will want the relationship to work and be a long term, stable one. Is this what you want?
You will join a family that's already made. There will be some things you won't like, and won't be able to change.
Your asking the question shows you're a little unsure about this relationship. If you don't think you can really make it, don't give her hopes and end it now.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 You get an instant family and catapult into an instant dad and make sure you have deep pockets. You will have to feed three other mouths.
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