A
female
age
,
*irgodream
writes:This is for both for both guys and girls. Be good to hear both points of view.Do you believe in the Rubber Band Theory that men need to pull back after intimacy?How do guys feel during this period of needing Space?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 No, I don't believe it. People do not "need " to do absolutely anything, except breathing, and ingesting enough liquids and food to stay alive. Anything else, they do it because they want,
Therefore, if I should find a man that wants (not "needs" )to pull back after intimacy- for what I am concerned he can stay pulled till doomsday ,he is not the kind of person that can interest me.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 Some guys just need their space. A lot of times neither the girl or girl realizes they've "encroached" and then the guy (or sometimes the girl) needs some alone time in their man cave. If you give them that space usually things go back to normal soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): i've never heard the term, but i have seen the concept a few times. most of the time it is when a relationship progresses very quickly and it IS about feeling like you are losing control.
when my husband (then boyfriend) first told me he loved me...i was very young. and i remember feeling a bit panicked and i did pull back for some time. it was a feeling of knowing he was more emotionally invested at that time than i was and knowing i was not mature enough to handle it.
so i think it is about control and maturity and confidence. mal
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 That applied to me in new relationships. I don't know if it was because they were new or because I was young.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): I've never ever heard of the theory! Perhaps it's just me, and I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I wouldn't be intimate with someone unless I was sure in the first place, so I don't need to 'pull back'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): I have to add that it has caused me numerous problems in the past, it's impossible not to be anxious when someone says they need some time to sort out their thoughts.
People just don't understand that it's not a negative reflection on them, that it is purely my own way of creating a mental equilibrium.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): I pull away every now and again, it's just how I deal with things that threaten to overwhelm me. I deal with any major issue in any aspect of my life by taking a step back and thinking things through, talking to friends etc. I have to do it this way because in the past I've known to make big mistakes when my mind hasn't considered all the variables and reached a logical conclusion on how best to proceed. That's just how my mind works.
How do I feel, usually I feel confused, filled with so many varying thoughts and emotions that I need time to process and categorise.
This works the same with me after certain types of intimacy, in a relationship that grows at a steady pace it's never necessary but I've had relationships where things just happened at a blinding pace. Fallen in love quickly, or began a relationship only to realize I wasn't ready.
For me it's all about self control, and if I sense I'm beginning to lose that then I'll take some time to sort out my thoughts.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I don't think it's totally nor universally a male thing.
If I have a sufficient commitment to the woman in question, I'm not likely to withdraw either physically or emotionally after sex. And I've had partners who seemed to need "space" after our first sexual encounter, in order to get their own internal processes in order before the relationship could advance (or, in some cases, get called off as she thought it over.)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I heard that if a guy is in love he won't pull away, but if he is not in love he will loose the interest in the woman after having sex.
I don't really know if thats true or not, and as all guys are different it is unlikely that all men are either one way or the other.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 June 2010):
I think guys just need a few days to work out how they feel. Some won't pull away. I never did. But I was always sure about how I felt before I did anything. But some men are perhaps still working out how they feel, and so when they're intimate just need to think about it. I think that's what it's about. It's just a case of a man having to work out how he feels, so he can be more certain.
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