A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My gf dumped me because she said something wasn't there, i took it like a man and didn't whine and ask why like so many of us guys do. I just said you're right this isn't working, and of course in the same conversation we were having about breaking up she started to say she already realized she's making a mistake. But i told her the mistake was made and we're going through with it. It was a short lived feeling of triumph because it almost felt like I was the one dumping her but truth is I was hurt that she could get to the point of telling me she no longer wants to be with me. We went our separate ways and I did what had to be done and began to erase her from my life. It wasn't easy but within a few days I was feeling confident again and I knew I would be alright. Sure enough not even a week later she contacted me to tell me she's still not sure she made the right decision but i told her no matter what we both need time before we make any decisions. Although we were close, it was only a few months relationship and never got too deep and i'm afraid to just let this go when she is seemingly ready to get serious with me. This could have been the thing she needed to realize she wants to be with me, but I will be gaurded for some time if I do decide to take her back. My question is, if I do decide to take her back, what do I need to make sure of before I do so. There was no abuse or cheating going on so its not an unhealthy relationship by any means. Just two people that want to be with each other although there is clearly some confusion on her end. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): She wants you because nothing better has come along. If it had you wouldnt even have passed through her thoughts. Tell her you agreed with the last decision she made for the both of you. The last thing you need in your life is her.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 I know you dont think it was an unhealthy relationship because there was no big bust up at the end like cheating or abuse, but you should be very wary about taking her back.
She clearly doesnt know what she wants, she doesnt know her own mind therefore realistically she needs to be single for a while to figure things out. The reason she wants to come back is because she probably hates being single and thinks you are a nice guy, she cant see any fault in you therefore she doesnt understand her own feelings, and hence why it makes sense in her head to get back together because she cant pinpoint what is actually wrong.
This is a classic sign of immaturity and a girl who doesnt know herself very well. How old is she? Has she been frequently in and out of relationships? How long was she single before she dated you?
It sounds like something I would have done a year or so ago, I had no idea what I wanted in a relationship and I went out with some lovely men, none of them with anything wrong with them and most girls would view them as a real catch. They treated me well and the relationship was great. But I would always think about breaking up with them, then sometimes actually go through with it, then think I'd made a mistake and want them back, and I always got my way - they came back. But a few months later I would end it again and really hurt the guy.
Why did I do it? Because I was confused, I had never spent enough time being single to know myself well, I didnt know what real love was, I was too afraid to open up fully to a man, I desperately wanted to meet the right guy, part of me thought that because the guy treated me so well and didnt have anything wrong with him that I should be interested....the list could go on and on.
And do you know how I stopped all this messing around and overcame all that? Spent a good number of months being single and learning about myself. It sounds to me like your girl simply needs a good few months (i.e. 6 months or more) on her own, sorting things out in her head and learning about myself. It wouldnt surprise me if she was like myself, frequently in and out of long term relationships from an early age. From the age of 15 until I was 21/22 I had never been single for more than a month or so, all my relationships were between 1-2 years so they were all serious. I had never given myself the chance to be my own person, I was always part of a couple therefore I had never figured out my own identity.
If I were you I wouldnt get back with her - it is your choice at the end of the day but she is not mature enough or emotionally ready for this relationship and she will try and end it again in the future, I can promise you that. So it will be you that ends up hurt and wondering where you went wrong, when realistically it is her lack of self-awareness and emotional maturity that is to blame.
I have hurt so many guys by doing this exact thing to them, so I am just trying to save you here because I can spot this scenario a mile off.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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