A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online and we've been talking for a month now. We had finally met last week, and have hung out two nights since. The first night we met, he took me to dinner and we hung out at his house after. We were cuddling on the couch watching tv, and he kissed me. It turned into a makeout session for over an hour, and eventually it got late and I went home. He asked me to stay the night, but I refused considering I had just met him. Monday night, we just hung out at his house and of course-makeout session. Again, he asked me to stay the night but I refused. The next morning(yesterday), he said that he wished I'd have stayed. I told him my reasons why not, that I had just met him and it was too early to be spending the night, and he said that he totally agreed with me but it was hard to let me go. Last night, I was at his house again and things got somewhat heavy. We were making out as usual and it just turned into a lot of touching and rubbing, with clothes on so it wasn't exactly X-rated or anything, but I knew what was ahead. He asked me to stay the night but I got scared of what would happen and left. I could tell he really wanted me to stay; he was sort of angry that I wasn't. Truthfully, I'm just assuming that he won't even talk to me again.Now, I've always had this pattern of having sex with a guy the first time we're alone together, even if I don't really want to-I don't know why, but I just don't say no and always end up hating myself for it later. I wanted to take it slow with this guy, I don't want him to think that I'm easy or anything..mainly I'm just worried that he'll just leave after we have sex because that's what guys are known to do sometimes. I don't know what his intentions are and I feel weird asking directly. Instead, I make indirect jokes like "oh, you're just gonna get what you want and leave," to which he told me that I had issues and have obviously been used and abused plenty times before, and that he was sorry for that. Thing is, just because a guy says he's sorry doesn't mean he won't do the same thing..right?Anyway, like I said-I don't want to hook up with this guy too soon but the thing is, I really want to! I've just been holding back because I don't want him to think of me negatively because I hooked up with him too soon. Also, we haven't even talked about our history or protection or anything. I hate not knowing what his intentions are, and I really don't want to get hurt in the end thinking that he actually likes me and that's why we're having sex when really-he's just playing the part to get laid and leave.What do I do? Would it be bad if I did have sex with him next time? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2011):
 STOP going over to his house and making out with him....
seriously... if you want to have a real relationship with him then have one... right now your just teasing...
go out spend time doing things with him... stop teasing him with hours long makeout sessions and petting...
let him know you like him and want to take it slow.
if he bails it's because he's only in it for the sex.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Leave this mother***** he wants to use u and hes being clever with wordd.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 It "sounds" to me like you have reversed the "4-date" scheme on this guy.... and he is struggling with it...
You KNOW the "4-date" scheme, do you not????
In it, the savvy guy does not ask a lady to put out over the first three dates..... He knows - and SHE knows - that if she does not put out by the fourth date, then he is history... Soooooo, on the 4th date, this savvy man knows that the woman is thinking, "There must be something WRONG with me.... 'cuz this guy hasn't tried to get me to PUT OUT!!!".... and she thinks, further, "I guess I'd better put out this time.... so that I can assuage my concerns that there is something WRONG with me..."
The result is that the woman is, basically, a crazed slut who is desperate to make sure that there IS nothing wrong with her... that she is desireable.... and this guy is going to ask her to put out, NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENS!!!
I use this all the time.... and it has NEVER failed me!!!!
YOU have reversed the roles, as in this submittal... but I suspect that you are going to GET WHAT YOU WANT!!!
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, bebe87 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 One thing with guys is they are wired so completely different than us girls, I’ve said that more times than I can count. I would say hold out till something serious forms between you and him, because then you know he just isn’t in for 1 thing and 1 thing only. Men must be patient in my opinion. As for you making lite of him “getting what he wants then being done” and his response “I’m sorry, sounds like you have been burned” and most girls have been burned. So if he clearly knows that about you and still fights for you to just “Stay the night” then kick em’ to the curb. If a girl is worth it in their eyes they will be willing to tame themselves, it isn’t asking them to do the impossible. I believe in being classy and a tad old fashion. What happened to girls having that these days, it will benefit you in the long run. You said it yourself your old pattern is to sleep with someone even if you really don’t want to and then end up regretting it. Stop the pattern and maybe you will find someone who will be willing to stick around for the right reasons and for the long run after all this is your life and your future, right? So I’d hope that you find that to be worth it. Good luck girly! Remember stay focused on only going after what you deserve, nothing less!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): I say be direct with him. Tell him that you really like him and you are attracted to him that way, but you want to take it slow right now. If he really cares and wants to be in a relationship with you, then he will understand. If he is just looking for sex he will get mad and not want to see you again. That's the only way to know for sure.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 This is your decision to make not his. The red flag warning for me was that you say he got angry. It sounds to me like he is pressuring you in to staying the night which to me doesn't sound very decent on his part. You need to talk to him properly and ask him what his intentions are. Explain to him that even though you enjoy spending time with him you want to take things slow. If he likes you and respects you then he won't have a problem with this and won't mind waiting. But if he gets angry or annoyed and keeps hinting at it well then it sounds like he is only after one thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Hanging out is a BAD sign if you are looking for a relationship. Hanging out, you driving over there to hang out so it's more accomodating to him, already makes you a booty call even if no sex is involved.
If you don't want to be a booty call, require that the guy take you out on dates (where he picks YOU up or meets YOU near where you live) and stop hanging out at their place casually until you are in a relationship!
I hate to be harsh, but from his perspective, you are doing all the work so your very convenient so all he views you for is a piece. Start over with someone else and do things the right way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): OP here..I got a good morning text from him today. We talked and he said he wasn't mad at all, though he likes the idea of me staying over, he respects my wishes.. Still confused though!
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