A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I am writing to get some advice on how to move on with my life after a very bad break up.I am now at the worse state in my life. I cant concentrate for even a second, my mind always wonder to thinking what if things were different. Ive thought of begging her to take me back, but she was always the more confident and emotionally stable one. Furthermore, shes with another man now and I honestly know that I wouldnt stand a chance at winning her back.She called it quits because she couldnt handle the drama we go through. She used to tell me how she was never close to anyone and able to open up as she had with me. So even though she was the one who dumped me, I still feel like I let her down and that thought and feeling of guilt consumes my days endlessly.Please help me get through this. My friends now think I am being pathetic for not being able to move on, and I dont blame them. Its just really hard, with her being my first love.Please help.
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (6 April 2008):
 I remember that pain only too well and wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. I genuinely feel terrible for you, you just have to be strong and go through it. It might take a few more months but dont look at pictures of her, keep as busy as possible. It will pass one day and you'll be a lot stronger when you come out the other side.
I know its pretty much agonising, I remember crying all day and night, I lost about 2 stone, and I actually remember standing in my bathroom and suddenly realising "oh my god!! I wasn't thinking about him just then! I havent thought about him for like 5 seconds!" that was a major achievement for me lol. And that was about 2 or 3 months after the breakup. It was bad, but now I'm as over it as i'll ever be, i still love him but not like i did and you'll get through it too, you'll meet someone else and you'll be so much happier in the next relationship because you'll appreciate it after going through the pain you feel now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): You may need to take it one step at a time.
I think in order to get over something, you have to come to terms with it.
Get a piece of paper and write your thoughts out.
What happened during the relationship that brought joy and sadness? How did you respond to it? Did you keep silent or did your talk to her about it?
If you don't understand your feelings when your hurt, then you'll remain numb. If you don't understand her feelings displayed by actions, then you didn't know things you did may have upset her. Same for you, she did things that hurt you. Without proper communication, this feelings of hurt increase and pile up, and then bam, you break up. Once you realize the different aspects of the relationship, knowing your needs weren't meant, her needs weren't meant, this will teach you the missing elements needed in a relationship so the next time you'll make sure they are addressed early. We get caught up in the hussle and bussle of life, neglecting those around us.
This pain will sting for awhile, it takes an unknown amount of time, it will get better, but first your going through a form of rebirth and rejuvenation, it will be painful, but it must happen in order for you to be a better person.
Just realize she to is going through this also, maybe not the same, but in a different way, she also is handling it differently, but similair pains are being experienced. She may have a better way of dealing with it, and so to you must find the method and solution for yourself to handle conflict, coping skills. We all go through this in some part of our life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for replying back so fast.
I've tried keeping myself busy. Somedays, its okay. But most days everything I do remind me of her, whether Im cooking my dinner (she taught me a few recipes), catching a bus, listening to music and even praying!! (she used to nag me for not praying enough)
Mornings are the hardest times, because Id wake up around 5 and wont be able to go back to sleep, even though I feel really tired, and all I can think about is how she used to be there besides me.
And this has gone on for months..and its killing me. I don't really know what else to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): All good answers so far.
It will take time, there is no set period, it all depends on when certain things happen that reveals answers to your questions. One day, out of the blue, whether your bowling, socializing, someone may say something, and a missing answer will pop into your head.
When my relationship had gone sour and we broke up, I had many experiences over a 2 year period of blues that finally snapped me out of it. It takes time. Keeping active helps and keeps your sanity in check. You still need to look inside and make changes. A reconnect to your feelings and your needs. Visual will help protect those feelings and needs because you are aware in social setting to recognize what you like and don't like, never give up "compromise" your feelings and needs to anyone.
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A
female
reader, Amac  +, writes (6 April 2008):
If it is any consolation to you, at 43 I had the same feelings and didn't seem to be able to get over someone who TRULY WAS the first person I've ever truly madly deeply loved... and hey, I've been married :( It took quite a while but in the end I saw that it was for the best and you WILL get over it, trust me :) Whatever you do, don't allow the experience to make you feel bad about yourself as a person. Try to keep really busy and do plenty of exercise to keep your mood up as much as possible. Don't let your friends' opinions get you down, but keep seeing your friends and getting out there! If you are feeling so bad, maybe that just means you are a really faithful and loving person...hey??? Someone who deserves that will be in your future. Good luck and take care
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (6 April 2008):
I've been there. It sucks so much. But seriously, even though you dont believe it, it really does get better in time. You wont be like 85 years old and still feel this way. One day you'll be over it.
Until then really try to keep busy, join a gym, a class, hang out with your friends, go places, work as much as you can, really do anything because its so hard to get over someone when all you do is sit around thinking about them. you need to force yourself to think about other things and then the moving on part will happen all by itself. promise.
take care
Brooke
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): You not being pathetic. My first love and I broke up in 2002, after a 7 year relationship. He cheated on me. Now he took my best friend and they together since 2003/4. The hurt has still not gone away. I think about him constantly. I am married with a beautiful baby boy! I wouldn't trade my son for anything but his father I would! My heart still lies with my ex...I have now learnt the difference between being "in love" and "loving" someone! Everyone says with time I will get over him...I am still waiting!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Focus on God, focus on your ambitions or things you want to do in life.
This will take away your focus on her.
Think of your priorities in life.
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