A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few years ago, I met a girl. We were both in relationships at the time and we carried on kind of a long distance friendship. About a year ago, after I split with my ex, we started to talk more, and even though we lived a long ways apart, we started talking about getting together again someday.After a few months of this, some things happened in her life, and she stopped talking to me. I tried to talk to her but she wasn't willing to talk to me except rarely. During this time, I had what should have been a one night stand that strung out into a 3 week mini-relationship. Towards the end of this mini-relationship she came back to me, and she said she wanted to be with me, but that because we lived so far apart that she was sad because she didn't think it could ever happen. I told her that I thought it could if we wanted it enough. Four days after she came back to me, I was at a concert, and my ex-mini-relationship girl was there. Something almost happened between us, but I couldn't do it. She was there and I put myself in a situation I shouldn't have. I loved the girl who lived far away, and as much as I wanted to be with her, at times I didn't know if it would ever happen. She had gone away once and it hurt me. Sometimes, as much as I wanted to be with her, I doubted that it would ever happen. After that I started ignoring the mini-relationship girl, a week later I finally told her that I didn't want to be with her and that I didn't want to see her anymore.Two weeks later I booked a flight to go see the girl who lived far away. I had told her that I had seen someone in between but I didn't tell her that this girl had been at the concert and that something had almost happened.Six months later, she has moved halfway across the country and we live together happily. We've been together for 6 months, we just found out that we have the baby that we've always wanted on the way.But she couldn't stop thinking that there was more to the story about the mistake I made. She kept asking about it and after several times I finally told her. She's angry because she says I should have known that we were together, and though in retrospect I agree with her, at the time I didn't think that way. I wanted to, but I was afraid that it wouldn't happen and that we'd never see each other. That I'd find myself in love with someone who lived 2000 miles away and never have any hope of being with them. So I did something stupid.I just told her about what happened yesterday. She's very angry with me. I know that she's right, that I should have thought about us as a relationship and that we were together. At the same time, we weren't really together and there was no guarantee of a future for us. What happened happened before "US" really, but it still hurts us both. She's very hurt because she thinks of me as different, that things have changed about how we started out now that she knows this. I ask her if we're going to be ok and she says she hopes so. She still loves me and I still love her, but she's hurt by what I did.What do I do to save our relationship? What do I do to make up for my mistake?
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female
reader, visione +, writes (29 January 2010):
 She needs to forgive you and let it go. It's not on your part now, you have already done everything. You have been honest, you have changed, you have admitted it was a mistake. She has every right to be angry about it, but she shouldn't let that come between your relationship with her. You weren't officially together at that time and she was being wishy-washy (don't tell her this though ahaha), and most importantly - all that is in the past and you two are happy with what you have now.
Just give her some time and continue showing her your love for her, to help her erase those uncertainties.
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