A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm having a problem with my girlfriend and it's all my fault, since a year now that we started this relationship, I've cheated on her and lied without knowing the reason why I did all this to her, though I lied because I don't want to lose her, now she has found out all these lies and that I cheated and don't feel the same with me again, she can't even look at my face again, and the truth is that I found real love and won't ever be happy if I lose her, please what do I do to prove to her that O will never lie to her or cheat on her again?Thanks my name is emmanuel.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deb777  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Hi emmanuel,First it really does hurt when cheating.Your girlfriend,really loves you,and wanted only you. I would not pressure her too much. Maybe give her a little space for a while.Your trust and lies damaged her. Please do not go out with someone else. wait a few days then get her something special for christmas,i am sure she will come around. And then promise her,you will never ever cheat on her again,and hopefully she will except. Good luck
A
female
reader, Scared  +, writes (5 December 2008):
Your going to have to give her time to get over the shock unfortunatly theres not alot you can do to make her trust you again this is going to take along time to get over. Did she find out from you? If not then i suggest you talk to her and tell her the whole truth no matter how hurtful it may be and also how you feel.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, cfemale  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Emmanuel, First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for putting your girlfriend through this, I'm sure she did nothing wrong and is now left feeling what the hell she did do wrong. Its very unfair to play with her heart the way you have, but with that said I'm not here to give you a lecture.
I'm glad you asked this question because I am in the exact same situation except I'm the girl....I would love to know why on earth you cheated on and lied to your girl since you met? why didn't you feel able to talk to her about it?
My man cheated with his ex of 5 years telling me he missed the life when he was happier before but knowing there was never a future with her and knows 100% he wants me to be his future.
I'm trying m best to work through this but my problem and probably the same as your girl is that I just cannot understand why he did it if he knew he loved me. And I constantly wonder if he would ever want to go back again when things get tough between us.
Maybe this is the same for you GF.
I don't think there is much you can do only to wait and give her time to see that you can be trusted again, you have a lot to make up for and you know her better than anybody so you will know how to win her over.
If you are serious about this girl, do whatever it takes.
The little things help by spoiling her but most important you need to make her feel that she is the most important person to you, make her feel special and really loved. Ask her what she really wants you to do?
Understand that it is very difficult for her, she probably wants to get back the feeling of happiness she had before but this will take time, and believe me it will not be easy!
But please Emmanuel, Give me an insight to how you were thinking as this might help me understand my man. Also you should recommend this site to your GF, as there are people on here like myself who have been through these situations and it is very comforting to get neutral opinions rather than listening to family and friends.
I would be the first to try to help her through this.
C
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A
female
reader, mightaphodite +, writes (5 December 2008):
We all know the rules and yet we all make mistakes. The worst thing is if we don't learn from them and don't change.
In order to be completely honest with her, you have to do some soulsearching and be honest with yourself. Why did you cheat on her in the first place? The answer to this question is vital. You have to understand your actions and than explain them to her. She has to know why if she is to ever trust you again. I'm not saying that she will, but she'll at least know the whole truth. If the root of the problem was, for example, your fear of commitment, I guess she'll want to know what has changed in the meantime. If on the other hand you were after all in some way dissatisfied with her, well it's good to make yourself face the fact that the woman you think is the love of your life without whom you couldn't live simply isn't all that. The fact is, you shouldn't do that to anyone, especially not to someone you love and care for. Sometimes when the person we hurt decides to leave, we become obsessed with the need to get her back and we're not able to see the situation clearly. Honesty is the best place to start. After that, if she is willing, comes the hardest part. The test of time. You have to be ready to accept that she won't forget and that at least for a certain period of time you could be "on probation". Than, be there for her, let her know how much you appreciate her. Respect and love her the way she deserves. Even if she doesn't want to start over, consider yourself lucky that you've learned a great lesson and let her go.I hope that everything will work well for both of you. Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): There isnt a lot u cando u have to give her time and space. take it from me this is true. what u have done to ur gf i have had done to me. im still with my bf and i dont completly trust him, it takes time.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 You say that you wont lie or cheat again but since you destroyed her trust by lying and cheating, how is she supposed to feel? Now if you are really committed to her you are going to have to be totally honest with her. Do not hide anything, if you lie to her, even if it is to protect her, she will know. It will take a very long time, in fact it might take years before she will trust you again so now it is up to you to prove to her your trustworthiness.
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