A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My best friend Alexia has been with her boyfriend for two years +. I've become very close to both of them and her bf is now like a brother to me.Last year, he went to uni Alexia since then has slept with four other lads and at a party, she was filmed giving someone oral sex. I'm in a very tough situation because Alexia has been my best friend for years, but I don't like what she's doing. It upsets me. I want to tell him, but I don't want to lose my friends. Telling him could lead to him hating me for it, and Alexia hating me for telling him.The main problem is, having spoken to him on his own, he knows something's been going on and he's seen the video through chain mail. He's questioned her about this to gain a response of " Don't talk about it. It upsets me." from her.My boyfriend said to him "Mate, if you ever need to talk, you know I'm here" and he told me that they both looked at each other and both knew that Paul(Sara's bf) knew what was going on.Paul has lost friends at uni because of this as they don't believe he should be with her yet he still clings to her.I walked home with my bf from her house the other night and cried because I hated the situation. If I tell him, I lose Sara. If I don't, he'll blame me when he finds out I've known all along. I hate it because Paul's always been there for me. I don't want to lose either of them. They're some of my closest friends.Any advice would be great because I'm so upset. Apologies for the length.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice, I will try to talk to her about it and make her see that she can't possibly continue without hurting herself as well as those around her.
Thanks again xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 December 2008):
I think he already knows that she is cheating on him.
He's seen proof with his own eyes and she is refusing to even deny it.
All you can do is tell him that you are so sorry for everything that is happening and that you will be there for him no matter what.
There is no need to tell him details. It sounds like he has heard them from other people any way so I think he will know what you are talking about.
One thing you can do it talk to your friend. Ask her why she is doing this and why she doesn't break up with him so she's free to do what she wants.
Try and get her to do the decent thing and split up with him if she can't be faithful.
She may be scared that she will lose you as her friend if she dumps him.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): What a complex situation! That is a tough one to answer and I understand how you must be feeling. Personally I think you need to speak with your friend and tell her you think her behaviour is terrible and point out to her that if she doesn't buck up her ideas she will end hurting a lot of people including herself. as well as getting a reputation for herself. Her boyfriend deserves better as it seems she doesn't really care that much about him. Have you spoken about the situation with your boyfriend, what does he think? Your friends both your friend and her boyfriend need to know and understand that you are there for them to listen to individually, but will not be drawn into a full on war. hope that helps a little
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