A
male
age
36-40,
*overman86
writes:My relationship is failing... we are lacking passion in our relationship... we are always arguing..... but we love each other.... what do I do to get some passion into my relationship and thin out the arguing? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Look at the definition of these words (OED, 10th Ed)
argue · v.
1 exchange diverging or opposite views heatedly.
2 give reasons or cite evidence in support of something.
or dispute a decision already made.frequentative to ‘make clear, prove, accuse’.
argument · n.
1 a heated exchange of diverging or opposite views.
2 a set of reasons given in support of something.
argumentation· n.
1 the action of reasoning systematically in support of something.
The concept of arguing is basically part of a communication strategy. Although, unfortunately, as you can see from the definitions above, it can be used in the negative approach. Which I suspect is what you two are doing.
In such a case, as Kayli pointed out, your arguing is just a reaction to something deeper and more fundamental.It is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. If you think it is not, then both of you just need to be more positive in your communication stratety.
Perhaps you can try this "different" approach to lighten the mood. Instead of "snapping" at a word that you did not like, "play" with it. Word play is sooo much fun. See who can come out the funniest and whackiest with wordplay. Next thing you know you'll be rolling on the floor laughing so hard, or finding each other so funny you just want to hug and kiss ... and you know .. the rest.
wordplay (n). the witty exploitation of the meanings and ambiguities of words.
Jokes that make fun of mispronounciation or funny accents are always good to read up to get you started.
Have fun!
Cat
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Are the arguments about big things that are potential deal breakers (ie difference in values, future, etc)? Or are they smaller everyday things? If its the first one I would seriously evalute whether your differences could be worked out. If its more the second one then try to remember that everyone is different and entitled to their own opinion, and to be in love means to accept the things about the other person even if you dont agree. When fights happen, make sure to clearly communicate, not speak out in anger and make sure not to drag past resentments into what is happening now. And once things are settled, truly forgive and forget, otherwise those small resentments lead to more and more arguments. Remember to be respectful to the one you love and that you are in each other's lives to make them better not worse. Maybe you can write down what each of you is really bothered by and what you would hope to see from each other. Example: I feel such and such. I'd really like of you could support me in such and such a way. And also write a list of the things that you love about each other to help you through the harder times. Or maybe even when you argue say one thing you love about the other before you say the negative thing. Like "I love when you (do something) but I dont like when you (do something). Hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): From my experience this is a true sign that you are spending too much time with someone.
In my experience this is tricky ground, because when I would suggest spending some time apart, she would instantly assume I want to take a break. Also, I had a girlfriend tell me that she thought I was cheating on her, turned out she was cheating on me.
You love her. Give her space. Obviously you want to salvage the relationship, or u wouldn't be hitting the internet for answers. You answers are not here in this forum, but in yourself. Inside you know what is wrong, you just need to ask yourself a series of whys, and finally conscienceless acknowledge what it is.
If you have lost passion, it is because you have become more comfortable with your other, maybe to the point of not caring what they think. When one of the two people in a relationship get there, they can become instigators, or just flat out rude.
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A
female
reader, kayli +, writes (4 March 2009):
 hi,
well i would start with talking to each other and try and find the source of the arguments and see how u could solve it toghether! them mabye suggest a night out just the two of u...somewhere that u can talk have a laugh and get to know the person u feel in love with. them see where the night takes u!!
hope that helped am here if u need to talk x
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