A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what do i do when i am head over heels with someone and after two months of getting somewhere with me he dumps me because i cannot have any more children?Would this be a deal breaker for some men?How do I handle this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 To be fair to him, he knew kids were essential for him (perhaps he doesn't have any yet?) and he didn't want to get more involved with someone with whom he wouldn't be able to live his life to the full. So, really, he did the right thing.
Not easy for you, but then I don't know how you feel about not being able to have more kids. If you are ok about that, then you just need to find a man who also doesn't want any more kids - and my God, it will be MUCH easier to find one that doesn't want kids than one that does!!!!!!!!! Men very often, I have observed, think one ok, two ok enough, and three ok that really is it now ... mostly they are happy with one or max. two (especially if they have a boy and a girl).
So: be glad you weren't in deeper. He isn't bad - just honest.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 July 2011):
 How do you handle this? You thank your lucky stars you didn't waste more than a couple of months on the guy, that's what you do. This was never going to end well.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (5 July 2011):
 It was 2 mos, 8 weeks, (insert number here) dates, etc.
You found out early on. Dating is often like horse racing, there will be horses you think that can go the distance, but have a false start at the gate.
I went thru the same thing, but dated the guy for 6 mos. He was 45, never been married and still wanted kids as an option. He KNEW from our first date that I already had two kids, and could not have more.
When I broke up with him, he decided to tell me reasons why we were a bad match.
My ability to not have kids came up as an "issue", even though he NEVER mentioned he ever wanted kids or a committed relationship.
I had to laugh and felt I was right to listen to my instincts and agreed that we were a bad match indeed!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Two months is not enough time to build a solid relationship with someone so I suspect he got what he wanted and found an excuse to disappear. I don't think it has anything to do with the kid thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): You should move on and find someone else. If he can't accept your faults then he can't accept you. So move on and find someone who meets your wishes and vice versa.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Gigolojone - no, I'm sorry but "love is enough" I'm afraid doesn't wash. Having kids is not something you can compromise on and can destroy a marriage if you are not on the same page. Are you seriously suggesting that if the guy REALLY loved this woman, he should sacrifice his principles and ideals for her? That's all very well, but then why doesn't it work the other way? If she REALLY loved him, why doesn't she give up her desire (after all, she's already had one)? Just because two people differ on their desire or lack of to have children doesn't mean they don't love each other. The fact that many people who don't want kids let their partner whom they idolise go so that they can find someone else who does want kids is the ULTIMATE declaration of unselfish love.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I had a man end it with me because he wanted his own kids and no longer could have children.... I understood.
now i am with a young man who does not want children.... he would not even date women that wanted children....
Sad as it is now, it's better that he ended it earlier rather than later... good for him for knowing what he wants and sticking to his guns..
I am so sorry you are hurting.
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male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 A real man who has real love for you will look beyond children,health and lots of other issues. For example,i once loved someone who later on ended up being HIV+ but i was ready and willing to go ahead and share a life and future with her only that she swore never to let that happen.
I think this man just wanted to have his way with you or his love for you wasn't strong enough.
It could also be that he was never meant to be yours. Think of the breakup as something positive opening up a new world of opportunities for you out there. Life goes on and he is not the only leave alone the last man on Earth.There is a much better one out there looking out for someone as special as you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): For some men, this would be a positive BOON!
However, this can be a dealbreaker for some people. I don't ever want kids at all, so having any in the first place or wanting any would be my dealbreaker.
Generally people fall into one of three camps - really want kids; really don't want kids; don't mind either way. I know some people don't think the subject should be raised until the relationship is serious, but often by then emotions are involved - as they were for you. I think it's always best to raise the subject - especially if it is a medical reason - as early on as seems fair.
Unfortunately this guy wasn't for you, but there are plenty of men out there for whom this won't be an issue. Be grateful it was only a couple of months - imagine what it would have been like much further down the road.
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