A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last April my girlfriend and I split amicably after 9 years. The last few had been very rocky. I lived with a friend for a while then, bought a flat which I've been doing up in a very small quiet road. Finally finished it and the garden (which was like a jungle) last weekend.In September, I decided I wanted to date again, nothing necessarily too serious unless it went that way (that's not to say I was planning on sleeping around). I met someone online dating and we hit it off very well and started dating. She seemed very keen and wanted to see me quite a bit and it was all going surprisingly well and I actually thought it had some legs.We had told each other about our recent exes - hers had cheated on her twice (she took him back both times) but she'd finally kicked him into touch. She'd had quite a few first dates online but I was the first guy who wanted a second date. We went 'exclusive' officially, although neither of us were dating around.Six weeks in (and we had started sleeping together although only at hers because at this point I was still living with my friend) and she suddenly rings me in tears to say that she was a dreadful person as she still had feelings for her ex and was going out with me to see if she was over him or not and had decided she wasn't. She even admitted she had slept with him while we supposedly 'exclusive'. I felt somewhat used and very hurt, even though it was early days. She said she wanted to be friends but I said I couldn't do that. I had plenty of female friends and wasn't looking for a friend.Two months later (November) I hear from her out of the blue, basically asking for another chance, as she realised she had made a dreadful mistake, I was the nicest guy she'd ever met (apparently) and treated her better than any guy ever had. I told her I didn't have a reverse gear and I wanted to move on.I had an email from her two months ago asking if it was OK for her to come and watch me in a show I was involved in. I replied briefly but politely that it wasn't anything to do with me; if she wanted to see the show, then why shouldn't she?I discovered four nights ago that she has moved. Renting FOUR DOORS away from me, in my tiny quiet road where I had made a new start for myself. She had the whole of two large towns (joint population 500,000) in a six mile radius to choose from and has ended up living that close to me. Although she had never been to my flat, I had bought it while we were seeing each other, I just hadn't moved in yet, so she knew I was there.I don't know whether this is some deliberate plan on her part or just some hideous co-incidence. I almost feel like I am being stalked and I'd got myself settled and in a good place and she turns up like a bad penny. I actually hate the fact that she's that close. It will be impossible to avoid her.I've spent a lot of money on this place and got it perfect for me and I know feel it's ruined because something unhappy from my past is now involved when it was all new and free from crap. I don't know what to do.
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her ex, money, move on, moved in, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I think I'd feel very uncomfortable too, OP. Does seem a little odd that if she is renting she chose to rent somewhere that close to you. I would imagine there's plenty of option if you are in an area with that number of people living there, far more than if you were buying, so I find it hard to believe it is just co-incidence.
I guess all you can do is do your best to ignore her although I imagine that's going to be tough if it's a small road and it's only four doors away. Don't allow her to drive you out of the home you have made for yourself. Can you persuade a procession of beautiful women to visit your house when you know she's at home? That might make her realise you've definitely moved on!!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Try not to let this bother you. It is hard to tell if she done it to get close to you or if it is just s coincidence. But you shouldn't have to move or feel uncomfortable either. If you see her just ignore her. If she tries to speak just make it clear that you have moved on and now she needs to do the same. Ignoring her will eventually pay off and if you where the only reason she moved there well she will soon move again if she is not getting anywhere with you.
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A
female
reader, NIRABI  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 i think you should move because what ever you do, where ever you are,when ever and who ever you are, listen to yourself first. if it's not okay with you, then you have got to move
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