A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What can you do with a guy who isn't sure he likes you enough or is afraid of the idea of a relationship or SOMETHING, who knows what, that's stopping him from being with you? He sometimes says things like I'm the only woman he ever thinks about but then he also changes his mind and says he's not sure if he's mistaking friendship for something more. I like him a lot and it's very rare for me to like someone, so I don't want to just give up on him. At the moment he seems to be in a good place as far as us possibly getting together goes, but I just think he needs something to push him or reassure him that we would work. He says he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Thanks! I've been thinking the same things as you guys too - about giving it time to develop and getting to know each other. I much prefer relationships that grow steadily rather than are forced. But how long do you think is too long to hang around? I met him almost a year ago now. After about 2 months he told me he really liked me and kissed me, then he had to go abroad for 3 months for work. When he got back, we slowly worked our way back to where we were and went on a few dates and after about 3 more months, got to the point where his friends started referring to me as his girlfriend and he also called me his girlfriend - then a few days later he sat me down and said he thought we'd rushed into this and wasn't sure if he was confusing feelings of friendship for something more and we should just be friends and get to know each other more... then we were both away for a while and now we're back, with him always excited to see me and wanting to hold me close when we're alone - but at the same time trying to avoid planning alone time with me. Is there anything I can do or am I wasting my time?
A
female
reader, livinituk +, writes (21 March 2010):
how long as this been going on? if its still the start of something new then dont give up on him, sometimes it takes longer for guys to realise what they have and the thought of loosing that takes over the fear of getting committed, so be there for him as you are and take things easy, dont persistently question whether you are wasting your time or not because you will just end up getting mad at yourself and him. if your enjoying spending time together then just enjoy that for now and if things aren't where you want them to be in a few months time then talk to him and see where you stand. im a strong believer in relationships taking time to flourish into something great so enjoy the ride and if he still doesn't want to be committed to you then walk away knowing its his loss but you had fun nontheless.
Good luck, i know it feels like your bashing your head against a wall with men at times but hopefully it'll be worth it in the long run
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 March 2010):
You have two choices. You can either continue to get to know him, and see where it leads, or you can let him go. I'd suggest that you continue to get to know him. The best reassurance that you can offer is to just be there, let him get to now you and get to know him. If it seems to be taking too long though, he may have serious commitment issues. You can afford to take time to get to know him. But don't waste too much.
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