A
female
age
51-59,
*ovehunger101
writes:In a nutshell.This guy and I dated about 8 years ago. We broke up, and reconnected a few months ago thanks to a mutual friend we both keep in contact with. We started out as friends, then moved on to friends with benefits. After a few weeks of friends with benefits i told him I could no longer do it and wanted to embark on some kind of relationship. He agreed.The problem is this...He never ever seems to have enough time for me. When we dated, we used to spend the whole weekend together, days and days on end. Granted, I understand that he is busy; he just finsihsed law school and is studying for the bar, in addition he just purchased his first home.I just dont feel included in anything that does not require us being naked. He goes shopping with his mother and brother for furniture every single weekend, and if hes not doing that, then hes doing something else. He does not include me or ask me if I want to go along, not that I would, but I feel like if he cared, he would ask...or at the very least say "hey, wanna take a quick ride to the emporium, I want to show you this great couch i have all picked out". Something....anything...I get nothing though. Once or twice a week he comes to my flat in the evening\; sometimes we will go to dinner but usually he just falls asleep, sleeps the night, wakes in the morning, has sex with me, then leaves by noon. Again, because he has to go here and there and all around the square with this one and that one. We spend no time in the daylight. He cant even invite me because he still has not told anyone in his family that we are dating again. I actually called him out on this and asked why not. I was told that his family views dating ex's as unproductive and assumes that the relationship will go nowhere, so he wants to hold off on telling them to ensure that we can "get along" before re-introducing me to them.He is sweet to me though, and does show he cares by bringing flowers or little gifts to me every now and again. He does call me every single day, never has a day gone by where I have I have not heard from him. All my friends say to walk away, but I know he wants to take it slow, and I know he is very busy. I guess my questions are:1.) Does it sound like this is going anywhere at all?2.) Am I being unreasonable wanting to be included like this?3.) Should I wait it out till he passes his test, buys this house, and then see if there is an improvment?4.) At what point should I INSIST that he tell his family about us?Please, I know I must sound like a lunatic, but I really do love this man and actually fancy myself as his wife one day so I am not apt to give up. Please offer any advice you can! I shall appreciate it greatly my friends!
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broke up, flowers, friend with benefits Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lovehunger101 +, writes (25 January 2010):
lovehunger101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo caringguy and the top anonymous response; thank you for your kind words and reassurance. It definitley has helped. To the anonymous poster sandwiched in between the two kind responses I thank you as well but I definitley dont appreciate the harshness of your reply. I am hurting right now and really didnt expect to or want to see such a graphic and nasty answer. You ought to brush up on your tact. You wouldnt want someone answering a question that your sister, mother, aunt wrote in that manner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): Trust his explanation about his family and ex relationships. Go with your instincts and stop listening to your friends and stop asking for their opinion.
I think he's managing a lot right now, and can't handle the possible conflict with his family. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): He's using you as a sex toy. You dont' see it because you've "fallen in love". You are less important to him than his house, his career, and his family. You are an embarrasment to him. To him you are pair of boobs with a hole down below - that's all. He knows that you require occassional occasional emotional bribery in order to "feel good" about letting him fuck you. So he brings you flowers and calls. To his family, you are a clinging dependant whore.
If you stay with him, he will eventually get tired of fucking you and he'll meet someone else and do her. He will never ever marry you.
Don't bother talking about it, and don't leave a note. It will only cause a big emotional scene, he'll feel guilty, apologize, tell you he loves you, and then he'll fuck you all over. So just leave. Go find another place to live, maybe your parents. And next time, don't spread your legs so easy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 January 2010):
The good signs are that he's phoning you and bringing you gifts and such, so it's not like he doesn't care. He's just still living in this 'friends with benefits' zone. Talk to him, tell him you feel left out and would like to do more together, other than just sex. You'll soon find out whether he is serious, because he'll either include you more, or he won't.
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