A
male
age
41-50,
*aralyzed
writes:Been dating her for a month. I'm 33 she is 32. There has been no sex. NONE! Not even close really. We've talked about it, she knows im getting frustrated. She claims she doesn't know me well enough and that we haven't been on enough proper dates. I see this girl at least 4 times a week. Text or email, or talk on the phone everyday, all day. She also got very jealous when I had a boys night planned with my buddies. She has a girls night every second night it seems. She seems kind of controlling at times, and spoiled. I like her, she is beautiful and a lot of fun in the beginning. I tried to break up with her a few days ago, and she became so delerious and upset that I agreed to try again. I don't get it. After 4 weeks? To be that upset? What should I do? Do I have to break up with her in a meaner way? This girl definitely isn't the one for me, I know that much.
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female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Why can't men just learn to be a little more patient?! My god your like dogs on heat! The reason she got so upset when you dumped her is because shes obviously felt an early connection with you,she likes you. She doesnt want to spoil things by giving you the wrong impression and rushing into sex. A month is not a long time. Here are the facts:You've met a nice beautiful girl who obviously has a big heart and has taken to you quite quickly,you know that shes sensible and not in any way easy because she doesnt want to rush into sex-Sounds like girlfriend material to me. Yet you want to give up on her after a month? Sorry but it doesnt sound like you want a relationship,its sounds more like you want a bit of fun,its not fair to waste her time if that is the case. Good luck :)Karen.
A
male
reader, Paralyzed +, writes (22 July 2010):
Paralyzed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree Chigirl. There is more at issue here than a lack of sex. We are not a good match. Her reaction to me suggesting freindship was alarming. How she became so attached, while at the same time claiming she didn't know me well enough for any kind of intimacey is odd.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 So she insulted you.. well it is hard to say who did what and impossible for us to judge in some tit for tat game. Bottom line is: if you feel you are not being treated right (not the no sex, but the no guys night out, she being jealous, controlling as you say etc.) then don't stay. This is the beginning of a relationship, and if you are not happy and over the hills in love, I don't see the point of being in a relationship with her. In a relationship things often take a turn for the worst at some point, but not the very first month... usually around the 6 months/ 1 year / a year and a half marks.
Most people I would assume fall in love and then start a relationship. You sound like you haven't really got feelings for her (totally fine) and were just getting with her to see where it would lead, because the first week (I guess) she was fun and nice.
Actually I have to ask, how long have you known her? Friends is one thing, boyfriend girlfriend another. You two might have worked ok as friends, but she possibly having stronger feelings for you than you for her, and the relationship is now out of balance, and neither of you are really getting what you hoped for. It happens.
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A
male
reader, Paralyzed +, writes (22 July 2010):
Paralyzed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not just the sex issue. I have spent plenty of time with her. And the getting angry and jealous because I made plans with my friends on a Friday night is a huge red flag. She has also insulted me on a number of occasions. After 4 weeks hanging out, and not being overly physical, for her to react so strongly at the suggestion of being friends is REALLY REALLY weird.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Q : I get the feeling you are not one who believes in " good things come to who can wait"...;)
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A
male
reader, Paralyzed +, writes (22 July 2010):
Paralyzed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, you think it's okay for her to become jealous and angry because I made plans with my friends. It's more than just sex that is the problem here. I didn't mention the number of times she has insulted me. But, thanks for your answer.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 July 2010):
You've seen her for a month, yet you act like you have been with her for a year. Excuse me, but.. "I like her, she is beautiful and a lot of fun in the beginning". What beginning? This IS the beginning. An no, one month is not a long time to go without sex.
I guess I mean to say I am a bit surprised that you lash out like this, you barely know the woman. After only one month you pretend to know all about her. And you believe this is how it will go on forever? She seems controlling at times? Again, you don't know this woman... and you think you spoiled her? One month of being nice is hardly spoiling, what time has she gotten to get spoiled on and get used to it.. no time at all. If you think she is already controlling, then she has always been that way and I don't see why you got together with her in the first place.
I agree, I don't think this woman is for you. She takes her time to get to know someone, what most people do to build up a good foundation for a relationship. You on the other hand get bored after a month. If she hasn't been able to keep your interest for more than a month, I say you need to go find someone who is more .. what can I say.. easy.
But, as a last bit of advice, exactly what are you looking for in a relationship? Quick and easy fun? Because if you want something serious you need to invest time and effort. Maybe not try for a serious relationship with this particular girl, but next time, before you get involved with someone, thing about what you are after, and what you want from a relationship. Like I said, a good solid one is built on friendship and respect, not sex. And it takes time. People only start to really get to know each other after maybe 6 months. And after a year people are comfortable enough to completely be themselves in the relationship. It takes time.
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