A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi hope you can help me with this it would be greatly appreciated I met a man who is in the army on a online dating site who is really keen and wanting a relationship with me but I am not sure how I feel about him. This is because I have had a friends with benefits for 18 months now.I did initially have feelings for my FWB which I know you should never have but I have very strong feelings for and I think he is starting to feel the same about me as he goes in moods with me if I talk to another man.Just recently my FWB has started turning up at my door which he never does normally but my FWB is so moody he goes in moods with me over stupid little things.For instance if I say somthing he doesn't like on a text, even if its only in a joke.My question is what do I do about my FWB and how do I tell if he has feelings for me? I can't ask him face to face and if I message him he doesn't reply thank you :)
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (8 September 2012):
90% of the time, FWB relationships doesn't work because they are based on fear to commitment. That's why you can't ask him face to face. In my humble opinion it won't work. You have to start a relation ship the proper way.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 I agree with the other posts. If you can't ask your FWBs direct questions, then you need to stop having sex with him. This kind of agreement is a serious one, so asking serious questions is part of it. If he won't answer, I would leave.
I don't think developing feelings for someone you only know in cyberspace is a good idea either. I think online relationships are a nice diversion and you can have some good acquiantances online. I just don't see how you could develop feelings for someone you have never met. You don't *really* know him...you only know what he has told you. You do not know what he is like in real life.
Ultimately, you need to figure out why you want men your are seemingly keeping at a distance. Having a FWBs relationship keeps a man at a distance. Having a relationship online does too. I think you need to figure out if you really want serious relationships in your life before you involved any other men.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 Its obvious from your post that you don't have feelings for the other man because you've dedicated just 1 sentence to him and that too just to say that he's really into you but you're not. So he's out of the picture.
As regards your FWB, a relationship with him doesn't seem a very good idea as well because you say he's moody and sulks over the smallest things. Its very difficult to be with someone like this. Also, given where you're started from, that is an FWB scene, a normal relationship now seems unlikely. This is why we keep saying that FWBs are the worst idea ever, because they don't lead to anything except someone getting very badly hurt.
Anyway, that being said, the only way to know if your FWB likes you, is you ask him straight. Don't take his possessiveness as a sign of affection because remember, men can be very territorial and possessive of women even if they don't love them.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 September 2012):
 Hi
Personally I wouldn't go for either. The FWB is just that, he is feeling threatened, his fun might move on. But you are just FWBs so you can date whoever you want, I would point this out to him too.
The LDR one I take it you've never met? Neither of you can make plans or say you want a relationship until its had a chance to move into the real world and you've had a few dates...even then he's miles away and would you trust him ?
Your better off socialising more locally and meeting guys face to face, dating, developing relationships rather than just having sex with them or online people who may have many female contacts they are meeting.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Asking him face to face is and getting to the bottom of this is the best way.
Obviously you know how you feel about him, but find out how he feels about you, and make a decision from there about what you both want to do next.
As for the online guy, well, I wouldn't even consider anything to happen there until you sort out the situation regarding the FWB.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): I can't say for certain what is really going on with the FWB but something just isn't right. He isn't supposed to b turning up at ur home unannounced neither should he care who u talk 2. Either he does have feelings for u or he had someone else on the side and doesn't want u 2 do the same so that you can b at his beck and call whenever he wants.
If u want a relationship with other person I say go for it. A FWB is not a boyfriend so u don't owe him anything. Only thing u need 2 do is tell ur FWB that u no longer want 2 have this arrangement anymore and wish him well if u want 2 b with the other person. If u want 2 continue with it FWB u should establish some boundaries. No coming 2 ur home whenever it suits him and stop with the games. It is what it is. U can talk 2 whoever u want and see whoever u want. He has no say so. He can do the same. There shouldn't b any jealousy involved in this type of situation.
In the future, don't get into a FWB type of thing because 90 percent of the tine someone always get hurt. Feelings usually gets involved and one party if not both is left feeling like this should have never happened. If.u really like a guy don't get him as a FWB. U see what's happening now don't u. If a man tells u he don't want a relationship believe him. Its better 2 b disappointed for a little while rather than sleep with him and get hurt for the long run.
Hope this helps best of luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 September 2012):
 why can't you ask him face to face?
to be honest I would not give up a real life relationship for a fake online one.... and I'm sorry LDRS can work but in my experience you need to have spent time together IRL FIRST before you go to LDR.
LDRs are hard even if you can see each other... at least then the person is real. LDRS where you have never met, I know it upsets folks when I say this but to me they are just fun and games.... not real until you meet and start making plans to end the distance.
as for your FWB... just because he's jealous of you having other males in your life does not mean he cares about you the way you want.
Men in general tend to be very possessive of women even when they don't love them..
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