A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 years of age have 2 children aged 1 year and 4 years. Ive been with my husband since I was 17 and have been married 3 years.He is 33 years old. I started an affair 2 months ago with someone at my work he is 50+ he wont tell me his age.It is a sexual affair/relationship I have fallen in love with him and he says he has feelings for me. He is married and has 2 children aged 14.He had an affair 15 years ago before the children which lasted 5 years his wife found out and took him back.His wife has mild MS and he has said he will probably never leave her.I know im prob the only one who will get hurt as I will prob want him to leave his wife. I am slowly falling out of love with my husband who adores me and he is a great husband and father but there is no spark there after 4 years.I know I should end the affair I just can say no.I dont know what to do?
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affair, older man, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Stop where you are, read all the other stories about post-affairs and how they turn out, read the story of Mae5 September 18 last year, "My paramour used me for sex" I'm sure that will let you smell the coffee.This is not the answer, only the start of a long road to ruin and self damnation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): glad you ended your affair, maybe now its time for the hubby and the kids. you are lucky you are getting a second chance in your marriage.please do not throw it all away. again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I'm very glad to hear that! Good luck in getting your marriage back on track.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Thank you to everyone that replyed I dont know if you will read this but I finished my affair yesterday after everyones advice. I just hope I stay strong and dony go back I have deleted his number from my phone and im going to make it work with my husband and try to get the spark back, thank you for your very honest advice x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): well you will learn the hard way when you loose everything but by then it will be too late to have regrets. you will destroy everyone associated with you. as for your married lover, who won't reveal his age and perhaps other important info about himself, he will tire of you and leave you. yes, then you will be all alone,used and basically have nothing to offer. as for your husband, he would have moved on to better and darling believe me, there are better out there. and you know it. what a fool you are! but please do not take my word for it....you will live it. guaranteed.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 You want to know what you should do? Let me ask you a couple of questions before I answer yours...
What did YOU do to try to save your marriage?
Did YOU suggest counseling with your husband?
Did YOU communicate with him that you weren't happy and let him at least have the benefit and mutual respect to give hubby a shot before you cheated?
When you realized that this was taking a turn for the worse, did you ever stop to think that there was so many more people who would be affected,or about how your role as a mother would change? How your extended families would react(his parents, your parents and siblings?)
You have simply said that you fell out of love with you hubby, So I am going to assume that you didn't do any of those things.
(sighs) I know I get the moderators hopes up daily by threatening to never answer another post from a cheater, but like this poster, I have a hard time saying No.
I will preface this by saying I have nothing personal against you, but you have no one but yourself to blame. There is so much wrong with this you'd have to be in a coma to not know this was a bad idea from the start.
Marriage is hard work, as are all relationships. You don't even know how old this guy is? what is that all about?
he tells you his wife has a "mild case" of MS? Young lady, MS will eventually leave this poor wife wheelchair bound, if not dead. I cant fathom what you are thinking here? I am literally sick to my stomach thinking about it.
You have children and you are selfish to the extreme by what you are doing. You have not given one iota of thought to anything but your own pleasure.
How can you possibly have anything but contempt for a man who would cheat on his wife while suffering from a life threatening disease?
You know as well as I do what you need to do. You need to come clean to your husband, and it is his choice to forgive you or not. You lost that right when you made your selfish decision. Sorry, but you basically have lost any right to dictate in any manner what direction your marriage takes, for you took the easy and cowardly way out in hopes of solving your problems, and walked right into problems you haven't even begun to imagine!
What did your husband and children do to you to deserve this? What did his poor wife do to deserve it,get sick?
With teenage children and a sick wife, and being a co-worker, you think he was ever interested in having you all to himself? You are nothing but a piece of ass to him. He can tell you he has feelings for you...he probably does as you provide him the sex he cant get from his sick wife...but outside of that, him not telling you his age is a clear indication he does not want anything but your sex!
You need to be honest and end your marriage right now, your family does not deserves this treatment at all. I don't think there is any hope you can save your marriage now unless you tell your FAMILY everything
Normally I am pretty spirited and brutal when I answer posts from cheaters, for it brings back a lot of painful memories of what happened to me. And of course I get alot of negative feedback from them, which I expect, for its hard to come to a site and be called on the carpet when all you are looking for is someone to tell you this is all gonna work out and it will be like it never happened.
But in your case, I am simply sad for your family and his family. Basically there is no good way this is going to turn out for you, nor should it.
You ask what you can do? Basically nothing, for the emotional truck bomb that you and this guy built is going to be set off whether you like it or not. And the thing that sucks the most about it is that its always the people who deserve it the least that get hurt. Your Hubby and Kids, his wife and kids will be left to pick up the pieces of their life because you couldn't keep your legs closed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): I think you know what you should do, you just haven't been able to do it yet.
He has had an affair before, and this was for 5 YEARS, do you really want to be another one who waits around for someone that is not going to leave his wife for you? He has said himself he isn't going to leave. I don't think he sees this as anything more than sex.
If you don't want to continue hurting yourself and potentially your family and his, then you should end it, because there won't be a happy ending for either of you if you carry this on.
If you do this, then you need to work out what went wrong in your marriage before you started cheating. You said yourself he is a great guy so perhaps you should try and fix your marriage, that is if you tell him about the cheating and he wants to take you back.
If you don't tell him, you must keep in mind that it will come back to bite you on the bum eventually. Either way, talk to him about what's lacking in your marriage and how both of you can fix it, that is if you want to.
I hope you can make the right decision and try to find happiness within your marriage again. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (3 August 2009):
 well i think you should end the affair and also your relationship.
this man is clearly in a poor relationship but obviously cares for her alot due to her ms and he's seeking companionship and he gets that from you which is great but think of what you're doing to his family and also yours.
if you don't love your husband i suggest you end it.
you should end the affair with this man also he's chosen his path he'll never leave his wife due to her illness and he will always be there for his children and his wife as best as he can.
just think if his wife found out about this what it could do to her, his children and himself.
you'd ruin alot of lives as well as your own. you are better off out of this i understand you've fallen for him but please have a heart his wife's very ill and he's got children to support and you have a doting husband whose looking after the children whilst you have an affair.
if you're truly not in love with your husband then tell him and let him live his life but you MUST end this relationship and affair before it all crashes down on you.
Hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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