A
female
age
36-40,
*lice209
writes:HiI've been seeing a guy for almost 5 months now. When we met he said he wanted to take things slow and that was fine, i'm at uni and pretty busy most of the time so it was something I was willing to try. Everything had been going great between us. He texts me first everyday asking how I am and I'd like to think we were getting really close and I'm definitely falling for him.Problem is, he went really quiet on me before he went on holiday to Vegas for his birthday. I left him to it the whole weekend but text him on the Monday and he said he was ok, had a few things to think about. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it but he said no not really so I just reassured him that I was here for him if he ever needed me. The following morning I took a little goody bag of sweets round and left it for him with a birthday card. He text me saying 'Thanks for the present babe, means alot, I'll ring you when I get back to talk properly, mwah xx' - so I was much happier.However, he got back from holiday and I didn't hear from him, I left it a couple of days before casually texting him asking him how his holiday was etc etc, he replied quite casually no hint of anything untoward. Suffering from jetlag but he'd had a great holiday and couldn't wait to go back. But he didn't reply to my text after that. Again I left it a few days, 5 this time, and text him asking if something was wrong. He replied saying he'd had a few problems with his ex since he got back and he asked if I was ok. I replied saying I was, just a little worried about him. Asked him what was up. He said it was a long story, been going on for a while, not good! So I replied by asking him if he wanted to go for a drink or to catch a movie to take his mind off of things and he said maybe next week when he's on mornings. Then my friend at work gave me some rubbish advice and told me to tell him how I thought he'd been distant and how it had upset me a little. No reply. I sent him a message the following day saying I thought I'd said the wrong thing but I was here for him if he needed me. Again no reply. I left it a few more days and text him asking if he still fancied meeting up. Nothing. That was nearly a week ago.From past experience I know pushiness doesn't work if he needs space he needs space. As far as I know he's been split up from his ex for at least 11 months, so wonders never cease what she wants after all this time.I'm just confused what to do with him. He's a great guy and I believe he had great intentions of talking to me when he got back from holiday if his ex hadn't made things worse? So I guess I just want some advice, i'm not an aggressive person, i'm very passive and laid back. So it daunts me that I may be in competition with a woman I know nothing about - what bothers me also is that Ian always wanted to take things slowly so I think its logical to assume she hurt him and I want to be a good friend for him.
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at work, his ex, needs space, on holiday, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, alice209 +, writes (3 August 2009):
alice209 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't take his phone away with him when he goes on holiday because of the stupidly high prices networks charge when you roam so it is not an issue he didn't message me or contact me while he was away. These 2 responses seem to be exactly like the 2 polar opposite opinions I get from my close friends...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): my two cents, (coming from a similar deal as you,) - leave him alone, as much as it hurts... repeate it outloud to yourself ''IF HE WANTS TO CONTACT YOU.. HE W.I.L.L. CALL''
thats really the bottom line
as much as i want her to contact me, and as much as i can make a dozen excuses why i 'should be able' to send her a text today (as for me its been a week without word from her).. the bottom line is still the bottom line - for whatever reason, he (she in mycase) has his/her hands full and will only be 'responding' to calls by you/me at this point...
you want him to grab for you / chase you - wait for him
(but date if you have the occassion, keep yourself busy..)
i have to repeat this outloud angrily tomyself a dozen times in a row if i feel like im ready to break down and contact them...
a helpful book , generally speaking is , www.lonelynesstohappiness.com
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): It seems to me like whatever has gone on he is not over his ex. I would even hazard a guess that he may have got back with her and is just too afraid to tell you, hence ignoring your messages. You are right to give him space but i think you have given him enough of this by now and he is being totally unfair to you by not explaining things after this length of time.
If it were me and i hadnt had contact for even a few days from my 5 month long boyfriend i think I would assume it was over. Even if he does get back in touch, if his ex is still able to mess with his head this easily I think it is safe to assume there is unfinished business there, he still has feelings for her and he will find it difficult to ever get close to you while this is the case. You will end up getting hurt.
Signs such as him not contacting you atall while he was away, not contacting you first when he got back and ignoring messages in which you say you are offended suggest that he just isn't that into you or even cares about how you feel. Im really sorry if that sounds harsh but i myself have been there, and not reading or listening to the signs now will end up in you getting hurt later on x
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