A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just lost my girlfriend and can't get over her what can i do to forget her? This was our situation okay i met her when I was 12, we had sex when we were only 13, had our first child when we were both 15 and our second when we were 19. She was my first and I was hers, we first moved with each other when we were 15 (when she was pregnant with my first child). We were just living life and I loved her so much but one day out of curiosity I asked her if she ever had slept with anyone but me she was hesitant to answer. When I saw that I flipped, I got so angry I started yelling at her arguing a lot of things.She left but in the end she came back to me. Now this hapened when I was 15 and she was I think 2 months pregnant. Most guys that age would've taken that chance to leave but not me, I knew I had to take responsibilty for what I had done (got her pregnant) so I forgave her. We were happy, had problems of course but who doesn't? Right well when I was 16 again I asked her so this guy was the only one other than me right and she replied well.... I got so mad again I couldn't believe it, there was a second but she claimed both of them meant nothing to her but just to clear things up here we weren't together when she did this only because of the fact that her mom hated me and tried multiple times to split us up. They worked most of the times but only for a while she could not keep me away from her daughter, I was too in love with her. I'd go into details but thats a whole other story all together.Anyway, I stayed with her and we worked it out. well I'm 20 years old now and it wasnt till 6 months ago that I got this job as a vendor (beer vendor). When I first got the job I noticed there was girls everywhere and I started getting thoughts in my head, bad ones. I stopped thinking about it and said to my self its not worth it. Well one day at work I happened to leave my store and I saw a customer walk in she was so fine and looked familiar to me for some reason well when I saw her leave I went up to the lady she was talking to and asked her "that girl works here right" she said yeah why? I responded "Oh I just thought she looked familiar" she said why you think she's pretty I said I think shes gorgeous.Well about 2 weeks later I was working at the store I met her and out of nowhere I hear "Hey" I turn around and its her. I was shocked, didn't know what to say she's all like so.. I hear youv'e been asking about me, I replied yea I have. we started talking in the end I got her number. I went home that night felt real messed up for what I had done but for some reason couldn't stop thinking about her. About two weeks of talking to her (behind my girls back) I started getting some feelings for her. Well every other night before I went to sleep I think to myself I'm 20 years old, I've never experienced making love to anyone else. But my girlfriend had had me and 2 others. I started thinking maybe I should get with this girl and see what happens so that's what I did.I didn't want to cheat on her so I came home one night real late never had I done that, I still remember seeing her face that worried face like almost she knew what I was about to tell her. I went up to her and said look I'm sorry but I've met someone etc. During our talk I told her what I wanted I said all I want from her is to FU** that's it and I wasnt lying. I just didn't want to do it while I was with her. She said look I love you so much that I'll be here, I'll wait for you to do whatever you need to with her just don't leave me, it was real messed up but I agreed.So then I was living with my babysmom but talking to this other girl as well and I felt okay about it because it you know was a win win situation from me. well one night the girl calls me and tells me if I want to go over where she's at, I say okay so I tell my babysmom look, I'm going over and going to get it over with, I'll be back. She's hearbroken but lets me go. While I'm over there we talk for a while and not too much after I get my chance. I have the chance to do what I wanted to do from the start but could not do it because I kept thinking about my babysmom. Well the night ended didn't do anything, went home told my BM all about it. She was mad. I kept talking to her and then out of nowhere one day my BM says I cant take it anymore I'm leaving. I felt really bad but I said ok. About 3 days from that she told me she had met someone on my space etc. When she told me that I got so mad but I knew I had put myself in that situation. I was like fine do what you have to do and I'll do what I have to do. I went out with my friends one night got sooo drunk at a bar we were at. When they closed it I decided to call my BM up and tell her I loved her and that I wanted to marry her. Well I ended up picking her up from her moms she came home with me we talked made love fell asleep. When we woke up the next morning I had no idea what had happened and how and why my BM was asleep right next to me. She told me everything I had told her and said youre messed up so pretty much I had to break up with her all over again. She got real mad I took her back to her moms. Ok so not too long after that the other girl calls me up and says if I want to meet up again I say sure why not. Well this time was different I actually did someting with her that night but what was wierd is that after I did I felt nothing it was nothing that I thought it would be. The next day I was thinking to myself all day ok I'm going to call up my BM and tell her I want her back one last time. So I call her back tell her I love her and a bunch of other stuff and she blows me off completely. so now I'm begging her. I know I made a mistake I'm sorry and shes like look I've heard it all. She sounded so serious and I wondered maybe she already had sex with him so I asked. Have you already slept with him? She gave me that silence I had heard before, I couldn't believe it. I cussed her out but mainly I was mad at the fact that I had been talking to this girl for like 2 months before I could do anything and she had known this guy for I kid you not only a week 5 days to be precise. Well I got mad hung up on her drank my problems away and tried to forget her, I couldnt. well the next day I called the girl that I had started with in the first place and tried to get with her and what do you know she says shes not ready for a relationship. So now I'm thinking what in the hell did I just do? Was it really worth it all those things. well I call my babymom up tell her everything she's heard before she says she has heard all this before and she can't trust me. I thought to myself its gotta be because I'm doing this over the phone so I tell her wait there i'll be right over. So I go over and tell her all that in person in the end she agreed to give me another chance.At the time I thought she was but I know now I think she only did that for me because she felt sorry for me. I ended up talking her into leaving him and getting back with me when she did I was so happy I was thinking I got my life back and im going to make her happier than ever. well when she came back home with me I wanted to be completely honest with her so I told her everything I had done mainly slept with that girl. She started saying I don't know anymore you didn't tell me that you slept with her last night you should have told me, I wouldn't have came back etc. Well we ended up talking about it she ended up saying all right whatever but I could tell she had her mind on something. That night I stood up the whole night just watching her sleep thinking to myself is she in love with whis guy already. well in the morning I woke up and asked her do you love this guy are you still thinking about him she said I don't love him but I can't stop thinking about him. I told her well I thought everything was okay now she said no you shouldnt have told me that you slept with that girl now I don't love you the way I used to. I took her home said fine I'll leave you alone. That same night I couldnt stop thinking about her so I called her up let her know I felt she came around came to my house again I could tell just by looking at her she had something on her mind and I knew exactly what it was. I ended up taking her home in the morning and before I dropped her off I asked her look before I leave I want to know who do you want me or him? She said look I need time, I gave you time when you couldn't decide what you wanted well I denied her that time she asked for and said I wish you all the best of luck and told her but I promise you, he or no one else will ever love you as much as I do and I left. Now I'm here at my house wasted, drinking beer after beer telling you all my story, I'm just so drunk and hurting too much but if anyone out there takes the time to read my story please help me out give me some advice what should I do.
View related questions:
at work, drunk, I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Donna1234  +, writes (17 March 2007):
well for one thing, cut out the booze it will make the whole situation seem alot worse. It is pretty clear that you are just a confused guy who loves the mother of his children, but likes the occasional 'change of scenerey' and just wants his first and what seems like, his only love. This is understandable but when a guy reacts badly to a situation, the girl gets angry and wants to hurt the thing closest to her. Just sit the one you can see yourself growing up with and having a proper family with and tell them how you feel and say you know what you did was stupid but everyone deserves a second chance and that includes you and that you did not want anybody to get hurt.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 March 2007):
 What you need to do is stop wallowing in your own grief and self pity and get up and SHOW HER by your actions that you're a changed man. I don't mean to go up and beg for another chance, I mean to get on with your life. Always look good, hold down a decent job, stay OFF the booze and give her time with this guy. She won't forget you overnight, you have too much history together. I really do think you'll hear from her again but sit it out and get on with your life meantime, don't YOU call her!
If you do manage to talk then you both promise one another that you will always be honest with one another and nothing like this will ever come between you again. Let HER contact you though...
Eve
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (16 March 2007):
 The fact that you were willing to jeapardise your loving girlfriend and children for a meaningless one night stand says it all. I think you seriously need to take a look at what is important in your life - your family or racking up as many notches on the bedpost as your ex? I feel sorry that you are hurting, but you have brought all this upon yourself. Why were you mad that she slept with other people before you even got together. She couldn't change that and you had no right to get angry, nor do you have any right to deny her the happiness she is trying to find with her new boyfriend. I think you need to get some counseling and evaluate your life and what is important to you. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (16 March 2007):
Thank you for sharing your story, I can really feel your pain and sadness come through.I am sure you know that all break ups where love is lost will involve pain, and you are going through one, and you are going to feel pain and loss. I know how it feels, and I am sorry for anyone who has to go through it, but I will feel less sorry for you if you are able to learn from the experience and use it to learn about yourself.I would advise two things. The first is to find someone who you can speak to about it, about how you feel, about your sadness and loss. It is best if you can go to a councellor, because a good councellor will not tell you what to do, they will help you come to your own decisions, answers, and realizations. But if you can't anyone who loves you that you can talk to will help you process the pain in time. The second is not to avoid your pain. If you can, don't surpress it, don't drown your emotions with drinking, if you are sad, then cry, and scream, and yell, and be really angry and pissed off, hopefully not directly at a person, but you know, just be whatever it is you are feeling. This will help you get through the pain. I guess my advice is to be true to yourself. If you are hurting, then allow yourself to be hurt, and let yourself feel ok to show other people your true self, your pain. If you can do that, it will help you through the pain, and people will appreciate you being able to be true and honest.Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Wow, you are both so very young and been through so very much together. I don't know what the future holds for you and your girl, but I do know this: you can only change what you do, you cannot fix or change her. Bad actions, bad choices lead to hard and difficult consequences. Consequences that have far-reaching effects on other people's lives and hearts. She hurt you with her actions and you hurt her with yours. Both of you are hurting your children with all this. I know you know all this. There is no easy fix. If she will go to counseling, definately go. All you can do is to try and do the right thing each time you are faced with a hard decision. We usually know what's right, its just hard to do it sometimes. What we don't usually do is foresee the depth of the consequences. I mean we know someone will be hurt but usually don't imagine the depth of the pain. For example, the pain your children will have to deal with if you and her cannot find a way to reconcile or at least have a good, civil parenting relationship, either seperately or together. Sorry for your pain. If I were this girl, I would give it/you another chance.
...............................
|
