A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is going to seem like a great big grumble..I suppose it is but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Basically, I'm fed up with everything. I'm fed up with my job. I'm a healthcare worker and deal with different people with different health worries/disabilities every day. I love interacting with these people and helping them but the running of the company is annoying me. I get calls at all times through the day/night asking if I can cover other people's shifts. If I say no, I am made to feel guilty so I end up agreeing. I am supposed to get every other weekend off but 9 times out of 10 I work every weekend because of people calling in sick. The bosses and management think that because I don't complain, they can give me any shifts they want. One week I worked over 60 hours! I am too frightened of putting my point across to my boss as I am worried of getting sacked. I feel angry all the time but can only express my anger through crying for hours on end. I go to bed at night and promise myself that I am going to put my foot down with my boss but when I try, I feel intimidated by her so end up saying nothing.I tell my parents that my boss is making me do these stupid hours and they keep nagging me to get things off them in writing. I know they mean well but they keep going on about it, which also makes me angry.I have a boyfriend and we've been together 4 years. He's constantly complaining about hardly seeing me because of the hours I work. (he doesn't have a job). He asks me to purchase things for him and pay them off monthly on my credit card, which I don't like doing, but if I say no, he accuses me of not being a good girlfriend and says that boyfriends and girlfriends support each other through everything, even though I've been supporting him for the 4 years we've been together. He also says that he could get a better girlfriend than me and that I am on my final warning (I've been on my final warning for the last year). I hate arguing and simply haven't got the energy so I usually ignore him or make sarcastic comments, which I know he hates. Even though I am angry inside, there is no way I can cry in front of him because he says I'm acting like a little girl. How do I express myself? How do I get my point across? How do I find the courage to say what I feel and not get walked over? I've had enough of holding things back because I'm worried of upsetting someone but enough is enough. I don't know who I am anymore and I want to rediscover myself but I don't know how to do that either :( I'm stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 First off, DUMP the dead weight! (aka your BF) he is a mooching leech! Start by telling him to go F himself, maybe it will give you a little more courage to tell your bosses no, I can't come in this week-end I have plans.
THE ONLY one who can make these changes are YOU. STAND up for yourself, girl. YOU can do it.
And trust me ONCE you start saying no, it will get easier and sooner or later your bosses will figure out that you are not the company doormat, doesn't mean they will fire you. It just means they will other people too, people that SHOULD say yes every now and then too.
If there are times that YOU do feel like you can handle an extra shift then say yes, if you feel like you rather stay at home in bed with a good book, then tell them no.
Saying NO every now and then is good. And it is OK.
YOU CAN NOT (let me repeat that ) YOU CAN NOT please EVERYONE ALL THE TIME! Nor should yo TRY to.
I worked 70 hour weeks for a while, til I told my boss that I thought they should hire someone extra, even someone 20 hours a week, because I was not willing to keep up the 70 hours. Now I DID get a lot of benefits out of all those extra hours (doesn't seem like you are) so at times it was worth it, but I got tired of always missing out on gathering with friends and family. I had a good boss and he DID hire an extra person.
So speaking up for yourself IS OK.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): The way that your boyfriend is treating you is unacceptable but you are feeling so low about work and other things that you don't have the energy to deal with it.
He is sapping and draining your self esteem. He is completely and utterly using you. Unemployed and bullying you into buying him things and threatening you with rejection if you don't. He is playing you and playing into your weakness, which seems to be a very strong fear of rejection - rejection by him and rejection by your workmates/employer through the possibility of being fired.
Unless you take control of the situation you will always be living on other peoples terms and they will always be able to manipulate you due to your underylying fears.
DUMP your boyfriend immediately. Just get rid of him. He will try to wheedle his way back because he is dependent on you to make his life nicer whilst he has no job. Tell him to find another woman to baby him in this way.
Start to do a small amount of exercise each day, to raise your energy levels. Build this up slowly. A great way to do this is to get a fold up exercise bike for around £120. Research carefully and find one with a comfy seat. I have one that is so easy to fold and store. I started on 2 minutes per day a couple of months ago, totally unfit, and am now up to 30 minutes. The difference that this can make to EVERYTHING is amazing...you start to feel on top of things and it is a small but very important way of valuing yourself. You will start to feel great.
BUY an assertiveness book from Amazon - there are loads and loads - choose one with good reviews. Look online about assertiveness and get some good tips for assertiveness at work. It won't be a complete easy ride because your employers already know you as you are and you will have to go about the process of changing peoples minds about your ability to assert yourself, rather than starting with a blank page at another employer. Or change jobs. Or ask if everyone in your staff team can go on an assertiveness course.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 You are not going to get sacked. You think they will get rid of you when they don't have enough people to cover shifts? You let people treat you like a push over. All you have to say is, "No I am over hours already." No need for a long drawn out explanation or feelings. It's their problem if they aren't able to hire people.
Dump your boyfriend too. How dare he treats you like he's your boss?
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