A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend have been on a break for a month now, and she said she still needs time to forget about the bad stuff, and miss me. I hurt her by changing as a person. Like I got comfortable and I guess things changed between us. Like I didn't do the things I did before, and took her for granted. But during the break, I've been working on changing myself. Anyways, this is what she said..."it's not like I hold a grudge or anything. But I'm kinda like...not lazy? but don't wanna think about being in a relationship or going through that again. I don't wanna say I'm over it, but I don't wanna bother. Like even if I know you changed, and that things will be a 100 times better than before, it's like, not now.."What does this mean? She always tells me not now. Does it mean she just needs more time to think and heal. To have a chance to miss me? Because seems like shes just getting over me. She said that she still loves me, and she knows I changed, and that I am better than I was before. I guess she's still hurt. I'm sorry, I'm so depressed that I can't even think straight. I just need someone to clarify this for me.
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Could there be a chance maybe she's just not interested anymore? I havent heard anybody mention that! if she's not interested, then I cant tell you how to make her interested, or if it's even worth the effort!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Sounds like she thinks you are lazy. Like its more of a mismatch of personalities than anything else. I mean if she is an ergetic woman, full of life, vitality, ideas etc, she's probably going to want someone with just as much energy and creativity as she has. Someone who challenges her and exceeds her expecttations. But I really don't know the whole story so I am basically creating a scenario from the few details that you put out. Frankly to me it sounds like she does still care about you but is just not at all convinced that you have changed and that's why she doesn't want to bother with giving you a chance. If you really want this girl your going to have to sweep her off her feet and give her what she wants (which I'm not sure what that is exactly, and I get the impression you're not sure either, wherein lies the problem!) Lol. Somehow you are going to have to figure it out and fast. I don't know call a friend of hers and ask. I would do something, fast, the clocks ticking. That's what I think.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (26 February 2010):
Man if she cant just give you a yes or no answer, stop wasting your time, she's obviously jerking you around for whatever reason, if she cant just happily say yes, or angrily say no, then chances are good even if you did get back together, she would just hold all of that resentment and hostility in, then she'd cheat on you and break your heart, it's over bro, because you say it is, not becasue she says it is, time to move on down the line!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 February 2010):
 I think she feels just emotionally drained from the relationship and is not willing to put in what it takes anymore to make it work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I guess I do have to move on. She sounds like she knows what she wants, but when it comes to this, it seems like she's either beating around the bush to finally end it, or she is just traumatized from me hurting her. She said she forgive me for what I have done, but the hurt still lingers. I don't know. I just feel guilty for hurting her. Even though she says she forgives me, seems like I can't forgive myself for hurting her. She did absolutely nothing wrong. I was at fault for the "break." I'm the one that changed, and became a different person.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 February 2010):
This isn't actually about you. I think it's about her. I don't think she really knows what she wants from you or from her own life. You put effort into changing, she didn't bother. Sounds to me like actually she is the problem, not you. If I were you, I would actually move on from her, because she's just a waste of time. Find a girl who does know what she wants and who will accept you.
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