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female
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my 18 year old bf 2 months ago and since then I've been trying to work out why it fell apart even though we loved eachother to death, and I've finally cracked it. It got too BIG. Everything was heavy and important and serious, and although we didn't realise it at the time, that is the main cause of us breaking up. I don't want to lose him, I'm trying to keep up contact with him although he has a new gf. But for future reference, if and when we get back together I want to keep it simple rather than go back to how it was, but I can't pinpoint the things that make a relationship 'adult'. Any Ideas? xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006):
After reading your message I am not sure that this is exactly what you are asking, but I would say that an 'adult relationship' verses a 'teenage relationship' would show more perspective.
Teenage relationships are often defined in superlatives and absolutes- "he's the love of my life" "I cant live without her", "I'd die for him" "she is the greatest ever", "I love him to death". The idea of seeing the other person without any reference point and submerging yourself in them is more of a teenage characteristic I'd say.
So were you thinking the relationship was too 'adult' and heavy? It sounded more teenage to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): First part of the 'adult' part. Don't think in terms of 'when' we get back. Move on. If you do get back in the future then that's up to both of you.
Second part is: You are so young for this heavy stuff. Get out there and enjoy life and your youth without getting tied down with a bf. Life is too short.
Have a great future. Best Wishes.
xx
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A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Hello,
hmm.. this is my view coming from a 15 year old.. YES 15 year old. heh. alright, since im a teenager, maybe i can be of some help?
righty, normally teenage relationships are very..er..childish? quarelling over stuff, normally the female being petty and the male just trying to impress the girl. normally this "impression" the male gives attracts other girls, and with sufficient time, he breaks with the old girl and gets on with the new one.. and so on.
this is until the male continues dropping and picking till he gets bored..thats when things get screwed up for him, coz all the girls know hes just a flirt.
as for 18 year olds, i think that you would be more mature, and actually LOVE one another not for looks, not for just enjoyment.
as you keep growing into a full grown adult, you will adapt this "maturity" concept over time as well.
dont worry, you'll pick it up in no time.. right now, since your ex(sorry) has a new gf, i wouldn't reccommend you to interfere.. your ex maybe..lost intrest? relationships that last too long, males get bored..
unless that relationship is till marriage, then the male dosent have an excuse.as for the female,(i did some research some time ago and it says that females are more sensitive to feelings, accurately put, love)you will try to keep the relationship going as long as possible.
however in this case, your ex already has a new gf and probably lost intrest in you. the mature thing to do would be to let it pass, and get on with life.
sory if i was mean or something.. :(
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A
female
reader, thenabear +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Thats a toughy..An adult relationship can have it's childish moments too. A relationship is not always based on the level of love we have for the other person often it is based on compatablity. As you get older different things become more important. Each of those things depend on the person. You will change how you percieve things several times as you get older..its called phasing. We do this from childhood all the way up untill we start settling down ..or as you heard grandpa say we get set in our ways. It's hard to find that partner who changes and adapts with you as you change. Adult relationships are based on more than love and sex. They are based on honesty,and trust . Trust to be extended. You need to trust your partner is responsible, commited, dedicated, and solid. As you get older you need a partner..Not a BF. You need someone who will work with you. Not against you. Having common goals is a plus to. You Find adult relationships as you yourself become an adult. Its a phase you grow into like anything else.
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