A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I will be 52 years old my next birthday. My life has been filled with a string of disappointing relationships. After a 12 year relationship, my first love dumped me, married someone else, divorced them and then returned and wanted to marry me. Of course, I still loved him, we tried to make a go of it, but it ended in failure and hurt feelings. I continued to date, but still have not found the right person for me. My last relationship was 3 years ago, it was so promising.....he relocated and the relationship died. I miss him and often think of him.It is so easy for men of all ages to pick up the pieces and find new love. As women get older, they have less options. The "go out and meet someone new" option doesn't work. Even. if you still look good, have a wonderful personality etc, men want younger women. I am at the point of just giving up. Perhaps, somewhere along the way I just missed the boat and should accept the fact that I will never find a relationship that will last. I have been reading articles and post from Dear Cupid looking for some advice for older single women. I post this question not just for me, but for all my older single sisters who are experiencing the same pain.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): I can really empathise with what has been said so far, as I am nearly 47 and my last relationship was about 5 years ago. I too, have had a string of bad relationships and wonder whether it's just bad luck. Anyway, I am doing online dating and have been on dates with nice men, but haven't met anybody where I have felt chemistry. I think when my membership expires I will call it a day.
A couple of older female friends have been fortunate enough to find love in their 50s, so I suppose you never know what is around the corner. Also, not all men want younger women, so please don't give up hope, although there are many times when I fear I will end up alone.
Perhaps, just concentrate on joining activity groups, without focusing on looking for love. I think the key is to remain active and positive and you may gain some new friends, or even more.
I know how hard it is at times, when the whole world seems loved up, but hang in there, as our time will come too. : )
A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (5 February 2011):
I'm 52, overweight, married, but still get attention from other men. Confidence attracts men. Believing that you are beautiful and desirable will draw men to you. Make eye contact, smile if you are interested. Don't be pushy. Don't be a uber feminist. Don't whine about how you can't find a man. Dress for your age. Don't act like a slut; be a lady. Be classy. Believe in yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the encouragement!!
It is painful to be alone as you age. I also have experienced the banging your head against the wall feeling. Advice from friends in the same situation has not been constructive. Examples of advice given to me are:
1) accept the fact that time has run out, there's no chance now for meeting anyone unless he is a widow (how morbid!- to think someone has to die in order for me to have a relationship!)
2) Settle for male friendships "with benefits" (sex)
3) It's better to be alone, then to continue to hope for something that is unlikely to happen.
Your response has opened my eyes to the fact that if being who I am is not good enough for these men, then so be it! I am currently embarking on a self-improvement program. I will take your advice and not give up my hopes or dreams, perhaps in time.....as you said I do not know what the future holds. I can only pray & hold on to my hope that it will be better than what I have experienced in the past.
Extremely grateful!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): I agree with Aunty Em. I am older too and although not given up I have stopped looking. I had a 15 year old marriage and that sort of finished me off. I too think the road to self fulfillment is the key. Lose weight if you need to, make an effort with your appearance every day even if you can't be bothered, keep a very clean and tidy home, keep fit and above all be nice and listen to everyone. I was completely consumed with spite which makes you ill and is an enormous turn off. I work with an attractive 35 year old who has been badly hurt and she now rarely leaves the house unless it is to go to work and watches tv all the time. I keep telling her that she has to go out to meet someone as no one is going to come knocking on the door, but she is so demoralised about life in general she has effectively decided that that part of life is never going to happen for her. I myself have decided to opt out for a while. I have re-evaluated what happened in my marriage and where I went wrong and am not sure if I am actually capable of being in a relationship as I am too selfish.If you look friendly and smile and in no way look desperate you will meet someone new. Most definitely concentrate on looking after yourself and take things in little stages. Over half the people of our age group in the Uk live alone. Also maintain a positive outlook at all times and it will come.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 I agree with you that it seems easier for men to move on and form new relationships much quicker than women. I think it's because a larger proportion of women give out needy signals that men can latch onto. Men don't give out these signals so it can be much harder to form a connection unless they themselves want it.
I am oler and single, having come out of a lengthy marriage. I have had a couple of failed attempts at a relationship since and sometimes feel I am banging my head against a wall!!
I have now come to the conclusion that the only way foward is self improvement, self fulfillment and a healthy dose of hope that time will still allow someone to come into my life.
Try not to dwell on what's gone before (hard I know) but see yourself as a unique creature who wants as many experiences as she can to enhamce her life. Whole lives are wasted for longing for what we don't have and it does no good indeed. Older men do want younger women, but for many it's just a fantasy, and a few weeks of dating someone with a decade on them, soon makes many go running back to their own age group.
None of us know what the future holds, we only have hopes and dreams, you can't let go of those for as long as you live, but you can find peace with yourself and accept all the other wonderful things you have in your life.
It is painful to be alone as you age, but it's a pain that can be avoided, if you keep well and busy and focussed on just being who you are.
Hugs and best wishes to you.
...............................
|
