A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm from South Dakota, but have lived in the Bronx for 13 years now, enjoy it here.It's not me who's got the problem in this question, but Mom.Mom told me the other day that Dad's just gone and left her, and left a handwritten note which said:"I've moved on, moved in with a young couple in their late twennties, John and Sarah in California, not coming back, sorry but I had to do this. Wont be returning. I got my reasons. Goodbye. I doubt you'll see me anytime soon. Its been all good here and will be. John and Sarah are nice people, Im a goood lodgger".Mom was heartbroken, but he also never left an address where he's living and she's desperate to find him.As it is, she's been working tirelessly during this pandemic, no, not a nurse, but a job where she can't work from home, she's maintaining equipment etc. and she's done that job for over 20 years now, really likes it.Mom told me there'd been nothing to cause this, no arguments, it was sudden, she came home from work and found all his clothes gone, only a pair of tighty-whities and a candy bar in the wardrobe.I don't think it's an affair, but why would Dad just up and leave Mom to go and live with a young couple in their late 20s?Mom wants support, but I don't know what's the right sort to give, although she has said she wants practical as well as emotional.Just like her, I work in a job where I can't work from home, and Mom's worry is concerning me.I just want to be the best daughter I can, never expected this crisis to happen.My sister Jane, who's 3 years younger than me, also lives elsewhere, she's in a suburb of Chicago, she moved there to be with her girlfriend who she's been with for 8 years now, and she also knows too from Mom.We both got told via WhatsApp.How should all three of us deal with Dad suddenly doing a disappearing act?What could make a man just walk out on his wife like that and move in with a young couple?I'm struggling to understand and trying not to get so stressed about it.I REALLY, really would appreciate any help on this.
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female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (28 September 2021):
 Well like you said it doesn't seem like an affair he's just going to be their lodgger, have you contacted the police about his disapperance? I don't live in the US, but I know it's possible to track his location through credid card use and cellphone or even the bank he uses. If my father decided to leave like that I would try to find him. Its not fair on your mother or you to just leave like that, specially if he's left any property or businesses behind and your poor mother, how can she move on with her life, that is, remarry or even sell any property she has with him if he does that?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2021): He may be the victim of an online scam, or suffering symptoms of the early onset of dementia; or he's simply suffering from mental-illness. The most feasible but speculative answer; is that he just wants out of his marriage, and decided to just end it without all the fuss of a divorce.
The note he left behind may not necessarily be true. Many people go off the grid, and go homeless. They decide to live off the land, or on the streets. They give-up on society, they become overwhelmed by their cynicism and/or pessimism; and decide they just don't want to deal with it anymore.
You didn't mention your father's age; but I'll guess him to be in his mid-to-late 60's. He'd have to be healthy enough to get around; if he's moving cross-country with nothing but his clothes. Check his bankcard activity, where he is having his meds forwarded, and the phone bills. If he has joint-accounts with your mother, or he's on the same service provider for phone and internet; you may find some clues of whom he's been communicating with regularly. There's always a few clues left behind.
Unless he's CIA or NSA? That being the case, you'll never find him! That's really going to extremes on hypotheticals! I don't mean to make light of this situation. Your poor mother must be devastated.
Maybe he's been talking to members of some cultist group; and got recruited after talking to people he thinks speak the same language, and live by the same ideology.
It almost seems that since 2015, politics have gone straight to hell! Radical racist groups and conspiracy theorists now have a voice and a platform; and they're recruiting people on the dark web. If you know your dad to have some wild theories and radical political views; I think you might figure-out what this is all about.
It's not hard to drop out of sight, and disappear into oblivion; but it's pretty early in his disappearance. You still may find clues of his whereabouts. Otherwise, you may have to hire a private investigator.
If he left of his own accord; it's hard to get the police to take you seriously, if you file a missing-person's report. If he's on special medication(s); that might matter. The initial lack of concern by the police shouldn't discourage you and your family from doing so; because all police departments aren't the same. You'll find kind and dedicated people who want to serve; and have compassion for families who are missing loved-ones. It's just harder if he left a note telling you he left voluntarily; and he doesn't want to be found or followed. They'll assume all of the probable reasons I've mentioned above. Of course, the CIA/NSA suggestion was a bit far-fetched.
Otherwise, your mother may have to file for divorce under abandonment and desertion. She should get legal advice immediately! He could transfer or take joint-funds; or charge-up debt with her name as co-signer. Act now, do not delay!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (27 September 2021):
 I'm sorry to hear that your Father has just left and gone to live somewhere else, this can't be easy for anyone.
You say he has just left without a trace, only leaving a note?. While he has been living with you all this time has no-one got his mobile number, whats app, email, etc. I only say this because its unusual that all of a sudden in this day and age people can all of a sudden drop off the face of the earth and be unobtainable, surely he is contactable in some sort of way.
He has got two daughters, surely he wants to keep up communications with you.
As for why he left its anyone's guess, maybe him and your Mum have not been happy for many years.
All you can do is be there for your Mum and support her through this difficult time- things will get easier. I'm sure as time goes on things will develop and unfold as to why he left.
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