A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A man I am extremely interested in is supposedly in the counter intelligence community in the Middle East. It is hard to determine if this is so as these individuals can never speak very much about their work and you can only operate on blind faith. He also appeared to be the "real deal" and very believable, a class act and as sweet as could be. I pretty much fell for him and we corresponded for 1 year with an unexpected visit from him last x-mas which went very well. We communicated for 3 months, he left on a mission and I've not heard from him since. I vacillate between thinking he could be married, not the real deal, no longer alive or still out on missions with no unprotected computer available or the Fed. Gov. shut those intelligence folks down from communicating. What's your best shot about what happened with this great guy. Thanks, Scottie Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 December 2015):
 We have no idea who this kind man really is, Scottie. All we can do is guess and we have.
He may be the real deal and is out on a mission. He may be a scammer or he may be a guy who wanted to move on and took the cowards way out. Only he knows. We don't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks so much for all of your answers. The "counter intelligence man" didn't say that was what he was, he said he worked for the Dept. of Defense, had had a defense contracting company which he sold to the Government some time ago and stayed on. Perfectly believable as I know someone else who did just that. These folks can't say much about themselves and do go out on missions where they have no communication as it is a danger for them. I'm learning more as I meet others who know more than I do. And yes, he could have been a scam, however, he never asked anything of me and was nice, gentlemanly and thoughtful. We can all get scammed if we're in vulnerable positions and I certainly am as a widow. I'm still in a conundrum but think answers will appear as time goes on. I would appreciate any responses to this mystery. I've moved on but still ponder who this kind man really is. Scottie
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (29 November 2015):
If he didn't make up outlandish stories about himself, always behaved with courtesy, and didn't ask anything of you then I don't think he was an evil man who set out to trick anyone.
He might not be ready for anything serious, he might have found someone else, things in life might require his attention. We can only guess.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 November 2015):
 Yes,but , as far as you know, he only has disappeared from your PC screen, under the name or moniker you knew him with.
If I wanted to " disappear " from Dear Cupid as Cindy Cares and reappear on it , - or somewhere else on the Web, as ,say , CruellaDeVille , ( maybe giving a different age , nationality etc. ) how would you find me ? how would you know that's still me ?....
Of course , in life anything can happen, so , secret agent or not, if somebody you basically know nothing about, and can't reach him but by e-mail, disappears all of a sudden, hey it could be anything, the poor guy could have been run over by a car or have had a sudden heart attack, and his next of kin surely would not have thought to tell you because they would not have known you exist.
But, we go by odds and probabilities, and being the Internet what it is, which is ALSO a place where lots of people live out a fantasy life and/ or portray themselves as different from what they really are, until that amuses them and no more- the simplest explanation is always the most probable: he entertained himself bullshitting you ( and maybe other ladies ) until he was not entertained anymore.
Obviously , in life the improbable too happens, so, who knows, maybe we are maligning some unsung hero who has fallen under the blows of Isis to defend his country. There's nobody who could tell you FOR SURE what really happened. But, since you asked for some hypotesis, most of us have given you the most rational and probable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe "counter intelligence" man never told me that was the work he did (my own conclusion), but said he was with the Dept. of Defense and guessed that I knew where he was. It is true these people can't say where they are, when they're returning, etc. I live in the D.C. area and know of others in this line of work. I'm not saying that he's not a con; I'm saying that he has disappeared for 8 months. He never asked me for anything and was only kind. I totally agree that we must all be careful; I'm only looking for answers.I'm not young and am switched on enough to recognize a scammer. He said little, never acted inappropriately during the 3 times we were together. I found it curious that he went off the radar screen and was interested in feedback. Thanks to all who wrote and I'd appreciate any other responses. Scottie
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2015):
 I agree with the consensus that he wasn't the "real deal". The "real deal" would NEVER have told someone he was in counterintelligence - he would have had a cover story without doubt. Risking his security clearance wold be career suicide.
You wouldn't be the first to get conned, or last. Sometimes people create fake personalities and "role-play" them with unsuspecting people online.
Abella gave you some links and on one of them it was advised:
Download security software onto your smartphone and tablet. Authorities are seeing an increase in attacks against routers, says Pittsburgh-based Adam Palmer, lead cybersecurity advisor at security software company Norton.
Ask for more information before sharing your email or phone number. Where does this person live and work? Make sure his Facebook page matches what he's telling you.
And this, too: Don't give money to a stranger.
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I'd really let this one go into the "fantasy" and move on.
Sorry.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 November 2015):
 You corresponded for a year. That's a marathon of emailing.
Then you met once - an unexpected visit at Christmas time. It sounds as if he then communicated with you for three more months after that.
He knew your permanent address.
Did he ever give you a postal address?
Even counter intelligence personnel have to get leave sometime and also need things sent to them from time to time. Did he ever give you a cell phone number? a prepaid Cell phone is easy to acquire and just as easy to toss away - for a confidence trickster.
Did he talk about things like his parents and where they live? His siblings, if he has any, and what work they do? what school he went to and where it is situated?
I expect he did speak to you charmingly and was ever so attentive and "a class act and as sweet as could be" sounds like a too good to be true scenario, in other words a confidence trickster.
A guy like that cannot con a woman unless he is a class act, charming, attentive and sweet. He chameleon like morphs into the man he thinks you are looking for.
Did he ever have a pressing urgent need for money? Or is that to come, once you have waited long enough, worrying about what has happened to him? if he does subsequently contact you about a life and death situation and why he needs money then say no and do not be drawn into giving him money.
You do have some doubts and some concerns and I think these thoughts are valid in the circumstances.
I think he decided that you would not be easy to scam and that he has found an easier target.
Certainly "counter intelligence community in the Middle East" has a very James Bond sound to it.
Sadly these men (and women) prey on people of the opposite sex always looking for the prize target.
Here are some examples:
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748703834804576300973195520918
http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/14/scammers-target-middle-age-women
Based on his actions I think you should consider that you have had a very lucky escape.
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reader, Ciar +, writes (22 November 2015):
My best shot is, like the others, that he's a flake who makes up outlandish stories about himself to impress naïve women and keep them from asking too many questions when he vanishes.
People who work in those fields are very guarded about what they do because they carrying around secrets that could put themselves and others in great danger. One small slip about something seemingly innocent could be disastrous.
This guy is a con man. Being charming is part of the con. If he were brooding and nasty he'd be easier to spot and avoid.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (22 November 2015):
Having a secret life due to some sort of glamorous and clandestine occupation is one of the most frequently used excuses by guys who are hiding the truth.
If you would like to see him again, it would probably be much more fruitful to not visit the Middle East but to visit your local shopping centers and lift the beards of all the Santas you see.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2015): Move on. Life is too short. It's been 3 months. Who cares what happened to him. In three months he couldn't call or write or send a text?? He's a waste of time.
Most real people working in Intelligence for the Gov don't tend to openly broadcast what they do.
If by some crazy chance he is who he says he is then... Do you really want a relationship with someone who could be gone and out of contact for months at a time.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 November 2015):
I vote for " not the real deal ". Admittedly , my knowledge of intelligence services only comes from the James Bond movies :), so I am not an expert... but it stands to reason that if this guy is a field agent in a political hot spot of the world, he would not go around announcing on the net " Hi, I am a field agent for a counter intelligence service. If I don't text you in the next few weeks, don't worry, it's just that I am away on a secret mission ". Would not he have some sort of believable cover, an official /parallel job or routine studied to accomodate sudden absences and long trips ?! They do it even for office penpushers ( another great movie comes to mind : " Three days of the Condor " with Robert Redford ), wouldn't they do it for a field agent who partecipates in secrete, life-threatening missions ??...
The web is full of flakes ,liars, bullshitters. Some have more fantasy, and nerve , than others- so while most of the people just bend the truth a bit to make themseves look better ( they omit to mention they have a gf,... or 6 kids .. or a drug addicton ; or they "upgrade" their income or education level ) we can't exclude that there also may be people totally inventing a fictional " persona " that's got nothing to do with their real life.
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