A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We are going at a good pace. We live 50 minutes apart so we see each other here and there. I have met his parents, sibling, a set of grandparents, and even neighbors. With thanksgiving coming up I finally asked him if we were celebrating together. Even though I tried bring this up before and he talked about his plans in front of me and never stated let's not, so I asked over text. He has plans to be with his family at his grandparents and I just am celebrating just with my parents and siblings. He told me no cause he doesn't want to complicate things by going to two.My question is he just serious about our relationship or am I reading too much into it?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2015):
 I think Thanksgiving/Christmas is for family. You are not family (yet) and it's still pretty early in the relationship.
Added to that, he ALREADY had plans before you texted him, and you knew this as he had talked about it to you.
Maybe next year, if you are still together you can spend Thanksgiving with your family and Christmas with his (or vice verse) - IF the HOSTS (that being your parents and his parents invites you/him to join.) Or it might take a couple of years to find a rhythm that works for you two. Not uncommon. And it's NOT an indication that he isn't serious about you or the relationship.
I dated my first BF for 4 1/2 years and we NEVER spend Christmas together. He was with his family, I was with mine - we did however celebrate New Years together. Dec 22 we would go out for dinner - swap presents and then not see each other till after the 27th. In Denmark, Christmas is celebrated (basically) from the 23rd to 26th. The 25th and 26th - we call those second and third Christmas Day are spend having luncheons with the family you didn't have Christmas dinner with. (and sometimes with the ones you DID have Christmas dinner with just with added friends). Danes like to eat, drink and be marry for the holidays :)
So relax and enjoy your family for the holidays.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2015): You've only been dating 4 months. Way too soon to start coordinating the Holidays. You're not obligated to spend the holidays together.
He likes you. So don't turn this into a huge issue. Let him do his thing and you do yours. See each other after.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 November 2015):
 At 4 months, it's hard to tell if you are going to be with each other forever. Bringing partners to a family dinner is a statement that you are part of each other's lives, to that extent.
Some people are more casual about it, and their parents are more open and welcoming towards whoever their children are dating. I certainly had met a few "in laws" that I never see again. Other people have a problem with this. Once you form a connection it would be painful to separate because your relationship didn't work out.
I think you can only truly know a person after a year or two. This is not just to say he doesn't know you are the one, he wants to make sure you are happy with him and that he can be the responsible guy for you too. He doesn't want to make promises that he can't keep.
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