A
male
age
36-40,
*fyoudontmind
writes:I was engaged to the woman of my dreams. Suddenly she was no longer the person I was in love with. Emotionally unavailable, distant, rarely affectionate. No will to seek out employment, no will to play music. She suddenly is no longer who I fell in love with. Many people say, relationships have ups and downs, but for all of this year she has changed. What can I do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): i would also say depression, the same thing happend to me but i was he one who changed and became like that. i didnt want 2 speak out, so maybe sit down with her cook a nice dinner, make her feel cared about and just tell he that you have noticed changes and see if she wants to discuss it. if not maybe she wants changes in the relationship like going out more or spending more time with you. women remember the littlest things so is there an agrgument that was never settled? the first thing to do though is ask he and listen to her, ty and understand.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Ask her to go see her doctor, be evaluated for depression as well as assessing her physical health. Go with her if she needs the push.
What's her alcohol intake, is she taking care of herself, eating right, exercising?
Communication is very important too, have you talked with her about the changes you've observed? Is she perhaps having second thoughts? Are there other stressors in her life? A death of a parent? A job loss? Financial woes?
Be lovingly supportive when you have the discussion with her. LISTEN, don't forget to really listen to her, even if you disagree wildly with what she's saying.
That's a start, anyway.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Afterglow +, writes (11 July 2010):
 I always have the same reaction when I hear of relationship troubles and issues of someone UNDER 25. I don't understand that motivation to put up with non-sense. I really don't. You are at an age where the world is your oyster. Your goals and aspirations should be at the forefront of your passion, energy and endeavors. Instead, you are allowing yourself to become sidetracked, side-lined, or derailed by a jacked up relationship. Listen, I understand the falling in love thing. Been there, done that and will do it again and again. That's the nature of my life. I have an enormous capacity to love. So, I do.. I love time and time again. But I also know that interpersonal relationships are choices with make. We choose to entertain the idea of sharing our lives, dreams and bodies with another person. Usually, as long as we are getting more positives than negatives, we will put forth the energy needed to maintain a relationship.
The disconnect comes from the cognitive dissonance associated with putting forth the energy to maintain a relationship when there are more NEGATIVES than positives.
So, my question to you would be WHY? What are you getting out of being with someone who does not supply the stimulation you need to maintain an intimate relationship with with. Your quote, "She suddenly is no longer who I fell in love with" should be the end of the story. Do you think that you can force yourself to feel something you don't. OR are you looking to find a way to change her back into the woman you fell for?
If it's the later, then you have to understand what changed for HER. What is going on in her life that has made her truly "check out" from her own participation? Have you talked with her? Have you expressed your sentiments to her? Does she know how you feel? Do you know how she feels? You have to be smart enough to know that there are underlying reasons why she is NOW "Emotionally unavailable, distant, rarely affectionate".
I firmly believe that for ANY relationship to a good relationship, THREE components must be met and adhered to. If even ONE of the components are flawed or missing, the relationship exist on a weak foundation. As a result, it only takes minimal vibrations to send it crumbling down. The components are TRUST, COMMUNICATION and RESPECT.
If you don't know why she's changed, over what ever period of time, then you two don't really COMMUNICATE well.
NO ONE can give you sound advice based on minimal information. Bro, until you discover and analyze what SHE IS GOING THROUGH, and the ROOT CAUSE for her withdrawal from the relationship, there will be NOTHING you can do to help her get back to being the one you fell in love with.
Your other option is to say "F-K It!" and bail. You're young. Why deal with the drama. You have so much more you could be concentrating on in your life.
You have to truly decide what is going to enhance your sanity and sense of well being.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 I am reading in between the lines here am I think she has a quarter life crisis, or an identity crisis. This is not the ups and downs in relationships you think it is. It has to do with her life's purpose, her motivation. Tell her you will be supportive of her, that it's okay not to know what to do in life, just don't let this feeling go on for too long, and don't be too proud because no job is below you. Everything can be an opportunity leading to something bigger.
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