A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks and it's been amazing. The connection is unlike anything I've experienced in such a long time. I started to fall in love with him the second I first saw him. Magic. We love each others company, the sex is the best and will go for hours, we seem to care for one another too. We also both work in the same industry, which I feel is important. However, he's had somewhat of an online friendship for about a year with a girl who he is going to meet overseas in just under two weeks. They're going to be there for a few days and then she is moving HERE, from across the globe - apparently for 'work', but even he told me he thinks she's coming purely for him. I found out about this girl, and he said he's scared to keep fostering a relationship with me in case things with this overseas girl do end up being romantic and serious because apparently they'd agreed to see that through. This happened about a month before he and I started seeing each other.I feel really hurt about this, because I know the feelings we have for each other are real, and he's told me that he wishes he'd never agreed to meet this chick and that he doesn't want to hurt me. We have agreed to not speak and stop seeing each other but always end up communicating and coming back to each other. I think we can't stay away. He told me that he just needs to let the next couple of weeks play out before he can continue things with me seriously.Basically, he's going to meet this girl and see how that goes and then potentially come back to me. In a sick way, I'm a second option?I don't know how to feel. I really feel like I'm somewhat in love with this person, and it hurts me that he's not seeing it through with me completely because of this person who he says he's never met! I feel pathetic saying this but even if he meets her and they don't have that romantic, buzzing connection, I would still let him come back to me. He's insisted that he really wants to stay in touch with me. Does anybody have any advice for my situation? I know there is an incredible, undeniable connection between us, but this whole other girl situation is so bizarre and insulting. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 I agree with Denizen too,
HE NEEDS to be upfront with her, and to do it now. IF not, I'd cut the contact and move on. I would NOT want a guy to hold me as a spare in case some "LDR" doesn't work out, HECK NO!
Now if he tells her, I have met someone and I think she is the one I want to date, but I still want to visit you AS A FRIEND and he KEEPS it platonic - I "might" wait for him to get back and see.
If she is willing to move ALL the way to where he is, they aren't "just friends" which in turn means HE CHEATED on his LDR GF with you.
As great as the connection is, I think I'd back away before you get hurt even more.
There is just NO WAY, NO HOW I'd accept the role as "spare".
A
female
reader, ova-valentine  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 I agree with Denizen. Make sure that you talk to him about this. Tell him that you feel like you are being pushed aside as a backup if he doesn't like this girl. Make sure to be calm, and use an even tone. Don't let your anger come out, because that can lead to the conversation taking a turn for the worse.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 I agree with you. It is a little insulting. If he has never met this person yet he is still going to check her out I too would feel slighted.
I can see his difficulty too. Her trip has probably been arranged for a while and it would be devastating to cancel at the last minute. However that is not a problem of your making.
He should tell her now that he has met someone else.
If you feel you trust him then give him a fortnight to sort out the matter. He needs to be as honest with her as he has with you. It's no-one's fault particularly.
Being upfront is the cleanest and least painful way forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): I really do feel for you. I can imagine you are being pulled in all sorts of directions by the feelings from your heart. If this was the other way around what do you think you would do? You are set to meet a man but you feel this way about the one you are now with? Your boyfriend is free and able to say to this online lady 'Look I'm sorry but I've met someone I'm crazy about. I can't meet anymore'.I'm sure you want him to do that and I would too. Would you do that if this situation was reversed? He is keeping his options open and seeing who he likes best. If you possibly can, leave him and mean it. If he was 100% crazy about you, this other woman would not be an option, I don't think. And as you said it's insulting. It's like saying, 'We're having a relationship, but with my blessing, yes, please, do go and see someone else'. You know it's not right, but gosh it's so difficult doing something about it when you feel so strongly isn't it?Your call obviously, but you know in your gut that this isn't fair. If you leave him, he will really miss you. If you want to fight for him, this is the best way to do it in my opinion.Good luck x
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