A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I have a girlfriend problem. We've been seeing each other for about a year now, but lately I've seen a different side to her. She's always been a little edgy when it comes to my exes, never wanted me to talk about them. But now all she does is sit in her computer room and talk to guys online, and never wants to go out with me anywhere or do anything. So I decided to try an go out on my own, and when I come home she'll start questioning me about who I've met and been with. If I say I didn't meet anyone in particular she wont believe me, and accuses me of meeting up with my exes. Lately she's also started asking questions about what I did in my past, how many girls I've had sex with. She was the 7th girl Ive ever had sex with, and she treats me like I was a man-whore in my past, because of all the girls I knew. She's angry with me because I did things with my exes that I haven't done with her, and accuse me of meeting up with them when I go out, doing these things. She's into anal, but I don't like it. I tried it once with an ex and thats why she says I should do it with her. But I dont like it, yet she keeps saying that since I did it before I should do it with her. I've tried pointing out to her that she's done many things with her exes that she hasn't with me. She has had sex with at least 18 partners (as opposed to my 14), that she can truly remember. She has had multiple MFM threesomes. But she says that my relationships in the past were different. I dont see how, about 6 of her partners she was serious with and the rest were casual flings. She says that Ive had more casual flings than her since she's only my 2nd serious relationship, so that must mean Im not serious and only want to sleep around. Im 5 years younger than her (she's 27, Im 22) and she thinks this is an awful lot of people to have slept with for a young guy.I've asked her to come out with me when I go out so she will see Im not seeing anyone else, but she always wants to stay indoors on her computer, either playing games or cybering with guys online. She says thats not cheating since it's not physical contact. But she touches herself at gets off with these guys online, so she hardly ever wants to have sex with me anymore. She also said that she stopped going out with me because whenever I smile at another girl she'd can't stop herself thinking of me going out purely to find more girls to sleep with. I would never cheat on her nor have I done anything to suggest that I would. But she says it's because before I met her I would flirt with other girls and sometimes even make out with them without being in a relationship with them. So she wants me to stop going out.She doesn't initiate sex with me anymore, I asked her why, if she doesnt find me attractive anymore, and she says she just doesn't feel like having sex that often anymore. Yet she goes to her computer every evening to cyber or look at porn. I asked her to stop and what can these guys online give her that I can not? She says that it's just fantasy and not real, but it makes me feel like I am not enough for her. The guys in porn all have 9 inch dicks and they have huge muscles, and Im not a body builder. I try to go to the gym regularly, but Im not like the guys she's ogling over on the screen. Many of these guys she talks to have pictures of themselves that I suspect are fake, but she doesn't care because in her fantasy she says they can look like that and that she likes how they look, even if they are old geezers who just pretend to be 20 year old. She defends that shit so much and gets so angry if I say anything about my discomfort with it, so it makes me feel like he loves it more than me.What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): she's cheating. plain and simple.reasons:she questions you when you come homeshe does nothing but sit on her computer and talk to guyssadly, you need to man up in the relationship.tell her that you don't think it's fair she can whore around on a computer but you can't even go out after asking her if she wants to, without her dogging on you.it will hurt both of you for you to say this, but it's true and needs to be said.guys online are different for girls than actual guys because of a few simple reasons.they can be whoever they want to be.they'll say anything to cyber.they don't have to be on, thus making her want to wait for their return.hell, why don't you play her game and get a computer for yourself and get an account on whatever she has, and talk to her that way. or even do exactly what she does and flirt with other girls... have a collection of e-whores at the will of your finger-tips. find someone younger than you.. that usually gets to women who are older than you, when she yells at you for it... tell her that's how you feel and leave it at that.it doesn't seem this relationship is going anywhere as long as there's a computer involved. but you might need to moderate what she does, as she seems to have an addiction problem whilst having a personal life with a man whose hurt by her actions. however, if you want it to work out you're going to have to be a little mean to her, regardless of if you want to or not. she is to you, you need to be equally aggressive.
A
male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (16 February 2010):
She's 27 and I think she's being the immature one here. This relationship sounds pretty odd to me. Obviously there are many issues to be addressed here and I don't feel like this relationship isn't working at all. The communication is bad and the trust is just not there. She doesn't respect you and she not even listening to your needs. Either sit down with her and work on this or time to end it. I can see you're very unhappy and she's off floating in her cyber world without a "clue". Have a serious talk with her and let her know how you feel. If she does't respond to your feelings then you're better off with someone else. Good luck to you buddy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
If she's touching herself whilst online with other guys, that's cheating. This is about her being very controlling and very insecure. You've spoken to her, nothing has changed. And she is know questioning you about everything because she is wrong and it's easier to have a go at you to get rid of her blame. It's ultimatum time for you now, because she isn't going to change. I think you have to tell her straight that you will not tolerate being treated this way anymore. Tell her that she is cheating because she is doing sexual things with other guys over the internet. Tell her it has to stop. And tell her you you will not stop going out just to make her feel better about the way she is treating you. This isn't acceptable. And if she doesn't change, end it.
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