A
female
age
22-25,
*iredgal16
writes:A while ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend after a 18 month long relationship. We, unfortunately, went to the same school and so I had to be around him for a year. Within 3 months, he found a new girl, who acted very oddly towards me, fairly often trying to hack into my soc ial media (and failing. I know it was her due to IP addresses). This broke my heart, and so naturally I got with a few boys and got a bit of a reputation. He refused to speak to me after this, and then removed me and all my friends from all social medias. Since then (about a year ago), he has refused to make eye contact with me and not once spoken to me. His mother, whenever she is around me, glares and acts like I've done something wrong.He then became friends with girls who bullied me and harrassed me. He never engaged with this, but I'm worried he heard negative things about me from them.A few weeks ago, he broke up with the girl after me. He still has her on all social media and since then, has begun adding my friends back and acting friendly with them again, as well as people who he previously hated. It bothers me that he hasn't added me back, as I'm worried that he believes I'm awful. I don't understand what makes me worse than the others.I tried to readd him on Facebook, but at the moment he has not responded - whilst he may not have been online I believe it is more likely he doesn't want to add me back.I want to release these emotions. The best way I can think of is in a letter, but I don't know how I can best dispose of it that will make me feel satisfied.So my questions are:How could I best use a letter to make myself feel better?Why does it seem like he will not add me back/have anything to do with me?How do I get over this whole thing once and for all?
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female
reader, tiredgal16 +, writes (10 September 2019):
tiredgal16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses!
I thought I should clear up, I didn't want to ever send the letter - it was more that I wanted to let out my feelings and then get rid of it, I'd never give him the satisfaction as to send it.
I'd also like to add that I don't think he owes me friendship, but I think it more bothers me that he doesn't treat the two previous exes the same nor anybody who I know has hurt him as much - I don't understand why I'm the one who has to be cut out when there is a girl who had been with him for an equal amount of time who he broke up with (I broke up with him) and another girl who broke up with him.
I've not completely come to a conclusion of what I want to do, but all the responses are helping! Thank you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2019): I have to also add to my answer that you dodged a bullet!
The way he has acted toward you is vile and his 'friends' and family. I really think you did well to get away from that.
Thank your lucky stars they are out of your life and consider getting a new set of friends yourself.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 September 2019):
 Don't write him a letter.
WRITE yourself a letter. Make a journal, write down what you feel, come back to it a week or month later and reevaluate what you wrote.
And LET him go. The new GF probably was told all kind of lies about you, same as his mother. And they CHOOSE to believe him, not you.
He doesn't WANT you add you back on Facebook, nor should be and NOR should you try.
You come off as desperate, OP You refuse to accept reality. HE ended it and talked smack about you to make HIMSELF look better. THAT is ALL on him.
BUT you? You still think that HE owes you "friendship" or just access to his social media, and he doesn't.
The guy is a twat and you know it but you are so absorbed in a relationship that has been over quite a while, maybe because it was your first, maybe because he moved on before you did.
YOU are "selling" yourself short, OP. Going with all kind of boys hoping your ex hears about it, giving YOURSELF a bad reputation. YOU need to OWN this. IT's NOT your exes fault that you CHOSE to act like that. YOUR actions are YOURS to own.
He doesn't want anything to do with you because he probably believes his own lies he told about you to people and really, if he decided to be "friends" with you again, people might find out HE was lying. And... OP, HE IS OVER YOU. He is DONE with you. You need to ACCEPT and RESPECT that.
Focus on your life and your future. SET some PERSONAL goals for career, sport, hobbies and go for those. TAKE a break from boys.
He sounds like an asshat to be frank. Why would you want someone like that in your life?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2019): Oh dear! You are giving him far too much of your time and energy.I guarantee you if he has been with this girl for a while and broke up with her recently then he will be working on getting over her. If you send him a letter you are only inflating his ego by letting him know you still think about him.I can give you some solid advice - don't write anything. Don't give him a second thought, not even as a friend.Yes you were hurt and yes you went with other guys because of that but to him that probably forced him to forget about you completely. I hate to have to be blunt but I really don't think he will be giving you a second thought. I think he cut off all of your friends to maybe please the girl he was with at the time and now she has gone he is able to be friends with them again.I would have to ask though if you are sure you have yourself a loyal set of friends since they feel it okay to be friends with him needlessly knowing it hurts you? Something to consider on a final note I think.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 September 2019):
 The best advice I can give you is to write a letter and express everything that you are feeling. Pour our everything that you are feeling and then BURN it. NEVER under any circumstances mail it or give it to your ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2019): Let him go .. say yo yourself you deserve better .. get a elastic band and put it on your wrist and every time you think you deserve him .. ping it .. yes you've made mistakes .. yes your not perfect .. but how he's acted is awful to you he became friend with people who bullied you .. I think that says it all
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 September 2019):
 Oh sweetheart, you get over this by acknowledging he no longer wants to be part of your life or have you as part of his. At least not for the time being. Accept this and realize this is more about HIM than about YOU. Also accept that you cannot FORCE people to be your friends.
As for the letter, write it. Put everything in it that has hurt you or upset you. THEN BURN IT. Do NOT, under any circumstances, send it. Don't give him ammunition to mock you. Even if you are dying on the inside, appear strong and confident on the outside.
You are young. You will move on with your life. You will make new friends and this episode will eventually fade into insignificant. Life is not always fair. People are sometimes horrible. We just have to take a deep breath and brush it off. You're better off without him. You deserve better.
Last bit of advice, don't use boys to make yourself feel better or as revenge on someone. It usually backfires and make you feel worse about yourself. You are not a bad person; you just made some bad choices. Learn from what happened and make better choices in the future.
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